Malcolm in the Middle Season 5 quotes

Otto

So I went to the store and got those cookies, and I brought three cases of old-fashioned hard lemonade.

Francis

Hard lemonade? That has alcohol in it!

Otto

Yes, Francis. I said there was a problem.

Otto

Those parents trusted me with the little ones, until I've poisoned them! What kind of a monster am i?

[talking to Lois] Any freshman psych major can see it's obvious life didn't pan out the way you thought it would. So now, to make up for it, you have to run your kid's life.

Malcolm

[to the audience] I don't know who to root for!

Simple truth is, you're just too afraid to let go of the one thing in your life that may be a success. But hey, you don't have to take my word for it. Why don't we just ask the other mothers here and see what they think? [sarcastically looks around] Oh, that's right, there are no other mothers here. You just cost this floor their electricity privileges.

Malcolm

And you know what, I want my candy than I want my next breath. I have a plan!

Lois

[yelling]Malcolm, what are you doing?!

Malcolm

My plan!

Lois

Well, get your foot out of the door!

Malcolm

I can't. It's stuck!

Reese

[to an ant] Looking for a little picnic, huh? Looks like you've come to the wrong place!

Malcolm

There's one on your hand.

Reese

Ha ha! [aims the searing pinpoint of light from magnifying glass at his own hand] You've got a little surprise coming! Stupid ant...

Thanks so much for inviting me. I really needed something to take my mind off my love life.

Hal

Well, that's why God invented baseball,... and war.

Malcolm

[horrified] They put you in with the Buseys?

Dewey

[sarcastically] Yeah, it's real interesting! Today, we learned about our greatest enemies: Mr Matches and Mr Talk-out-of-turn! [angrily] Oh, and I also got to see a crane lower a flight simulator into the Krelboyne class!

Malcolm

Oh, my God! Does Mom know?

Dewey

You're still alive... so, no.

Lois

Good night, Fred and Ginger.

Craig Feldspar

I thought it was Fred and Barney.