Lt. Van Buren quotes from Law & Order

Lt. Van Buren

27 eyewitnesses, and the only thing they agree on is "four shots fired".

Green

So, we're looking for a tall, white, Haitian, Hispanic midget with maybe an accomplice, who took the subway?

Or, according to the two starlets I interviewed, drove off in a blue SUV. By the way, they're going to make very believable police officers.

A bolt action Remington model 700. A fine deer rifle. I had one just like it as a kid.

Lt. Van Buren

You hunt?

Oh yeah. My uncle Phil used to take us up to Door County, Wisconsin to hunt whitetail. Of course, I always preferred using a bow. It kinda levels the playing field.

Lt. Van Buren

Mm-hmm. And the deer, what kind of weapons did they use?

Same as the cow.

Van Buren

Now, this may come as a surprise, but I know all about Samantha Savage.

Why, Lieutenant.

Van Buren

Please. I've got two teenage boys. She's huge on the web. A top-tier adult video star. Her autobiography came out a couple of months back, bestseller.

Next thing you're gonna tell me, she's on Oprah's Book Club.

Lt. Van Buren

I want you to find the son of a bitch who did this.

I was hoping you'd say that.

Lt. Van Buren

[angry] Lesson 1 - watch and learn.

I was just offering my condolences...

Lt. Van Buren

Watch and learn!

Lt. Van Buren

Don't you ever talk out of turn in front of a suspect's lawyer again!

It just came out of my mouth.

Lt. Van Buren

Then get a muzzle.

Lt. Van Buren

Look, it's one thing to say you shoved someone. It's a big leap to say you strung 'em up.

McCoy

Or your people didn't push Rodriguez hard enough.

Lt. Van Buren

So what? We should've broken out the waterboard? After all, Rodriguez is here illegally.

McCoy

It was a sloppy interrogation!

Lt. Van Buren

My people worked Rodriguez appropriately! If you don't like it, call the Chief of D's.

Lt. Van Buren

Jonas, both children were killed by the same gun, by the same man. Someone from the neighborhood. But no one's talking to my people.

Self-preservation. In case you haven't noticed, the neighborhood's turning white and rich. Families are being forced out.

Lt. Van Buren

My officers can't afford to live in the city anymore.

That's your community, Anita. My community's just trying to hold on to its own.

Lt. Van Buren

Well, if "don't snitch" is how you define your community, maybe it's not worth saving.

[after the verdicts are delivered] I understand the jury has a statement they'd like to read.

Yes, Your Honor. We, the jury, think this terrible event never would have occurred without both defendants causing it. And we recommend they should get the exact same sentence.

McCoy

[to Van Buren, sotto voce] Justice.

Lt. Van Buren

Who would have thought it?

Green

I've been a cop, a gambler and twelve other things that don't necessarily go together that well. How do you do it?

Lt. Van Buren

One foot in front of the other for thirty years.

Lt. Van Buren

[about Landry's self-help book] How did I get through life without reading this?

Well, I couldn't get through it without aspirin.

Sara Shipley, 24 years old, and according to her B Friends page, is an aspiring performance artist.

According to a bellboy we talked to at the hotel, she services clients for Excalibur Exclusives.

Lt. Van Buren

Excalibur Exclusives?

Mmm-hmm. It's an escort service for guys with really big swords.

Lt. Van Buren

They wish.

Nice as you are, Lieu, I just don't see you stealing from the company till to pay for my wife's hospital bill... assuming I had a wife.

Lt. Van Buren

Who said I was nice?

No paper, no plastic, which means no take-out, no magazines, no paper towels…

Lt. Van Buren

No toilet paper?

Left hand and a bowl of water. [Van Buren and Bernard just stare at him] Half the world still does it that way.

Lt. Van Buren

That's nasty.

Hey, so when you were overseas, doing intel in the boonies… ?

Left hand and a bowl of water.

Lt. Van Buren

That's nasty.

The Russian mob. I thought they were way past trucking, into counterfeiting, identity theft.

Lt. Van Buren

Well, this recession's tough on everyone.