But, what if I never see her again?
But, what if she was like the love of my life and I’ve seen her for 20 seconds and that was it, and now I’ve lost her forever.
HannahYeah. Well, at least it lasted longer than some of Bradley’s relationships.
I was thinking about what you guys said the other day about needing a new agent and I think I have an idea.
Yeah. Well, I did a little bit of acting in the 70s and I had this great agent and he got me this fantastic part on Charlie’s Angels.
You was in Charlie’s Angels?
Hannah
There was only 3 angels on Charlie’s Angels.
Well, there were four originally but, um, on the first day of filming, Charlie made a pass with me and, um, I kind of hit him and he ended up in the hospital, so, um, that’s why you never see his face.
Oh. Um, Mr. Walters at Walters Wilson and Walters.
Hannah
We were wondering if Mr. Walters would like to be our agent.
RReceptionist
His books are full.
RReceptionist
His books are full.
RReceptionist
His books are full.
(clears throats) Okay, without saying the words “His books are full.”, could you possibly tell us when the next available appointment with Mr. Walters is?
RReceptionist
May, next year.
RReceptionist
His books are full.
All right, all right. You get the message.
God, even my dog’s got bigger vocabulary than that.
Hannah
A lot was a waste of time.
Well, what we need to do is we need to get through her to him.
Yeah, and let them hear some of our music.
Yeah. And how are we gonna do that?
Uh. I’ve got a plan. Huddle, guys.
Hannah
Balloons.
Um, bite on my hamburger?
Bradley, you weren’t listening when I told you the plan, were you?
But we’re a band, Mr. Walters.
Hannah
The S Club 7, Mr. Walters.
And we want to sing you a song.
But we bought you presents.
CGChorus: girls, boys
S Club (There ain’t no party like an S Club party, oh)
Gonna show you how (Everybody, get down tonight) (Oh, yeah, yeah)
S Club (There ain’t no party like an S Club party)
Gonna take you high (Shake your body from side to side)
PCPost-Chorus: All
(Ooh, ooh) Wave your hands in the air
(Ooh, ooh) Like you just don’t care
(Ooh, ooh) There’s a party over there
(Ooh, ooh) There’s a party over there
Ha, ha! Nothing. But not bad at all. And now get out of here.
Hannah
No, wait. We’re singing at the high school prom tomorrow night.
Would you come and see us?
Really? My son goes there.
Oh, great. So does that mean you’re gonna come and see us soon?
Well, you know, I’m not sure the thing is my son doesn’t have a date for the prom.
I said my son doesn’t have a date for the prom.
Yeah, I heard you the first time.
No. I don’t think you did. My son needs a date for the prom.
That’s okay. Rachel will go with him.
How kind of you to offer he accepts.
No, listen. I’m really sorry, but I can’t take your son to the school prom. I already had… (Jo stamps Rachel’s foot) Ow!
Sore foot! She was just gonna say she’s got a sore… uh!
No problem. My son’s not that good dancer, anyway. Leave your address with the secretary. We’ll pick you up at 7pm.
The door was unlocked downstairs so I just let myself in.
But you’re early. 2 hours early.
Oh, I’m sorry. You’re not ready yet, are you?
No. But, that’s not the problem. I have something to tell you. I’m afraid I can’t go out with you tonight.
No. Well, I am going, but… Well, it’s a long story, but basically I have to take Billy Walters.
I’m sorry. I really am, but so you don’t have to go alone. I’ve found an alternative date for you.
Oh, thanks, but no thanks. If I can’t go with you, then I’m just not gonna go at all.
Well, at least let me introduce you before you make up your mind. (to Jo, Tina and Hannah) Girls?
JTJo, Tina and Hannah
Hi, Sam.
Th-They are my date? All of them?
This is the happiest day of my life.
So, plan A: We sing at the prom. Mr. Walters loves us. We get a record contract which leads to… (opening her fan) worldwide domination.
Hannah
So, what’s Plan B?
Sorry. I, I, I wasn’t expecting. I’m a little nervous.
Um, Billy? Where’s your dad? Is he in the car or is he coming later?
Oh, yeah. My dad said to say he’s not coming because his books are full.
(to Rachel) Plan B, it all goes horribly wrong.
Do you not want to be my date anymore?
Of course I do. Come on. We’re gonna have a great time.
So, are you girls ready to go?
Hannah
I think so.
Hannah
Come on.
I really can’t believe that you’re taking Hannah, Tina and Jo to the prom.
I know. 3 dates. Well, this is gonna be the best evening ever.
So, why don’t you tell me about yourselves?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys! One at a time, okay? Why don’t we start with you, Jo?
All right. Um, but first of all, I’m a bit hot, so can you take my jacket?
Yeah, and I’m a bit cold, so can you go and get mine?
Hannah
Ugh! I don’t like that. Can you get me something else? Something orangey, but not orange juice or squash and nothing with bubbles.
Ah. Get some other one of those, will ya? I’m parched.
Okay. I’ll be right back.
B1Bully #1
Hey. Thought you said you had a date, Mr. Geek.
B2Bully #2
Who’s your date, dork-o?
B1Bully #1
Where is she, Mr. Nerds Bill?
B1Bully #1
You’re his date?
Well, I had to fight a few other girls off first, but I finally got him in to notice me.
Hey, sir. Do you wanna dance?
Hannah
No. I don’t feel like dancing. Sam, let’s go outside.
No. I’m hungry. Why don’t we go and get some food?
No! He wants to dance! Don’t you, sir?
Hannah
He doesn’t! He wants to go outside! Don’t you, sir?!
He doesn’t! He wants to go and get some food! Don’t you, Sam?!
B1Bully #1
Look at his geeky glasses.
B2Bully #2
And his stupid hair and square clothes.
I think your clothes are great and your hair is really sexy.
W-Wo-Would you like to dance with me?
B1Bully #1
(laughs) Look at the nerd dance!
B2Bully #2
Hey, Billy, you’re such a jerk!
What are you talking about? He’s a wicker dancer!
Yeah, I mean we all dance around, don’t we?
Yeah. It’s the latest thing.
I want chips. English chips. Not American chips.
Hannah
And get me a sandwich, will you? Not from here. From the deli across the road.
And take my jacket and get me another drink!
And hurry up about it. We’re on stage in a minute.
Time when you are, isn’t it?
Hannah
Yeah, he’s quite hot.
(sighs) What a nightmare.
Okay, everyone. I hope you enjoyed your prom. Fellas, grab your ladies because we’re gonna sing a song few called “Two In a Million.”
Ah
V1Verse 1: Jo
Out of all the boys, you’re not like the others
From the very first day, I knew we’d be lovers
In my wildest dreams, my darkest desire
Would I declare to you, your love takes me higher
BJBridge: Jo
Just when we both thought our lives were set in stone
They shone in light and brought us together
CAChorus: All, Jo
We are two in a million
We’ve got all for luck we could be given
If the world should stop (The world, should stop)
We’ll still have each other
And no matter what (No matter what)
We’ll be forever as one
V2Verse 2: Jo
It’s a crazy world where everything’s changing
One minute you’re up, and the next thing you’re breaking
When I lose my way, and the skies, they get heavy (Mm)
It’ll be okay the moment you’re with me
BJBridge: Jo
No one would have guessed we’d be standing strong today
Solid as a rock and perfect in every way
CAChorus: All, Jo
We are two in a million
We’ve got all for luck (The luck) we could be given
If the world should stop
We’ll still have each other (Oh)
And no matter what (No matter what)
We’ll be forever as one
No matter what (No matter, no matter what)
We’ll be forever as one
No matter what (No matter what)
We’ll be forever as one
(gasps) Mr. Walters! You’re here!
I thought you said your books are full.
No. Who told you that? Hey. It’s L.A. It’s all just an illusion. Full, empty, hot, cold success failure. It’s all just the same thing. What is it different?
(laughs) Fair play. I see what you mean. Or do what?
Hannah
So what did you think?
Yeah, will you sign us up?
I sure will! You guys are great! Huh?
Well what? Where’s your mystery woman?
Oh, her! Oh, well, you know, she was great and, and it was great.
And well, you know how it is. You know, we had a great evening and then, then she asked my phone number and she said she wanted to see me again and, well, you know what happens when you commit to another day then you end up like married with 18 kids in a mortgage.
She chucked you, didn’t she?
It was love at first sight.
Hannah
Oh, I’m sorry.
You know, the best way to deal the situation like that is to behave with dignity and grace.
Hannah
Maturity. Good humour.
Yeah, you know what they say. Live and let live.
Hannah
She’s with our date!
I’m gonna kill her. (pushing Jon and Bradley out of the way) Oi! Rachel!
(to Jon) Do you know something? Why can’t we leave our own Chateau Style Terrace?
What are you reading, Rach?
The big vulgar House Magazine. The magazine of big vulgar houses.
Rachel’s getting restless again, guys.
No. Not restless. Just curious. Don’t you ever wonder what it’d be like to live in one of those big houses like rich and famous people do.
Maybe you mean like one of those amazing mansion in Bel-Air with like the 30m Art Deco pool and their own cinema and A Philip Star Kitchen and like six different kinds of palm trees.
Joni Alert! Joni Alert! Bandits 4:00! I repeat, Joni Alert!
Oh, no. It can’t be rent there already, can it?
When you owe as much money as we do, every day is a rent day.
And she had one of those really mean looks on her face. You know, like the one that says…
Hannah
Eviction? Oh, no!
What’s all the panic for? What could she do to us anyway?
(to Bradley) Oh, you mean apart from like sell of all our possessions, kicks out the apartment and probably gets checked out the country. Not much, Bradley.
Sell of our possessions? What, you mean like my CDs?
Yeah, and your Britney Spears go skating posters!
This is terrible, Jon! Joni Alert! Joni Alert!
AAlphonse
No. I don’t like kids. When I see kids, I feel sick. So I don’t see kids, then I feel better.
I saw them come in here, Alphonse. Now don’t lie to me. Where are they?
Guys, see. It’s just like I was telling you. The tiles on this side of the counter are just the same as the tiles on that side.
Oh, Joni. Hi. What a pleasant surprise.
All right, everybody. Out from behind the counter, pronto.
AAlphonse
Kids. They’re like mice. They get in through the smaller spaces.
Hannah
Can I see who’s probably now… (sneezing)
Hannah
Thanks.
That’s it. That’s all you have. You guys, I’m looking for the rent here. Not a tip for the bus, boy.
Look, Joni. We are trying. We’re really looking hard for some work, aren’t we, guys?
All right, I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do here. Instead of throwing you out, I’m going to go proactive. I’m going to help you guys to help yourselves and in turn, help myself to…
To half your wages. Now here’s the deal, a friend of mine just called and asked if I knew 3 sensible kids who wanted to do some house sitting.
Hannah
And do you? Because if you don’t, then I’m sure I might know some…
House sitting? Is that like when you sit around someone else’s pool? You eat with their food and you get paid for it.
No. That’s where you watch somebody’s property in a conscientious and professional manner.
Hannah
And then you sit around the pool all day munching their food.
Okay. Well, there’s 2 kids who obviously have other working plans for the next few weeks.
Hannah
No. We were only joking.
Yeah. We are sensible. In fact, that’s what the SNS Club stands for.
Too late. You’ve blown it.
Can you pass the salt please?
It’s great to have a bit of space, though, isn’t it?
Yeah. Makes all the difference.
I really miss the others.
Let’s see if we can get them round tomorrow.
Yeah, but what if they don’t want to come?
Well, this is nice, isn’t it?
Hannah
Yeah. We don’t need the others. We can have fun on our own.
Hello? Oh, hi, Jo. How are you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We’re having a great time. How about you?
(speaking to Jon on the phone) It’s brilliant. It’s a lot of fun.
You want us and come and see you?
Well, um, I’m not sure what we’re doing tomorrow.
Well, only if you feel like it. I mean it’s no big deal.
We’ll have a party about 8 o’clock.
Wicked. No worries. See you tomorrow.
L.A. 7 · 159 quotes
