HannahWell, I’ve never had a day quite like that before.
Nor me. Talk about brainy kids. It’s like spending the hold-down Who Wants to Be a Millionaire without any chance of winning the money.
Yeah, or phone your friend.
Hannah
Do you know what I reckon the real problem in this place is?
Hannah
It’s not that the kids are too smart or too brainy. It’s that Beazley in the pairs you send them. They are so keen on getting on so well. They’ve just forgotten to let ‘em be kids.
Jo, I think we’ve got to do. I think we’ve got to help them get in touch with their childish side.
Hmm. How are we gonna do that?
Oh, I don’t know. Get in touch with our childish side.
Hannah
And here it comes!
Well, there it is, guys. Hollywood. It’s the most famous place in the world.
Hannah
Tinseltown!
Can’t see much tinsel from here. Looks more like smoke and smoke.
Do you realize that every single person down there wants to be famous?
They all want to be actors, directors, musicians, bands, millions of them, all with the same dream.
Hannah
Cor! That’s a lot of competition!
Well, you know how the song goes. If you can make it there, you’ll make it anywhere. It’s up to you.
Oh. Well, do you think we come to the right town?
Guys. So what are we waiting for? Let’s get down there and show ‘em how it’s done.
All right, who starred in Casablanca?
Hannah
Uh, Cameron Diaz and Johnny Depp.
(clears throats) Humphrey Boger and Ingrid Bergman.
Hannah
Oh.
Hannah
Oh, I know that one! I know that one! Um, Batman and Robin.
Oh, Random Violence! I wanna go and see that.
Hannah
I don’t want to go and see Random Violence. I hate Tommy De Witt movies.
How can you not like Tommy De Witt? He’s probably sexy.
Hannah
Oh, come on. He’s not even a good actor.
Bother about that. Someone’s good acting. I can watch Bradley telling us why he ain’t done the washing up. Tommy’s gorgeous.
Hannah
Oh. He’s just a big talentless haircut with expensive dental work and about half the sex appeal of R2-D2. Now there’s some quality dental work.
Hannah
How’s your makeup?
Mmm. Pretty good…for an amateur.
Hannah
Hmm.
I can’t believe you’re getting ready to go out on a date with Tommy De Witt.
Especially when you’ve always said he was a big talking haircut with no talent.
Hannah
Yes, but that was before he turned up at my apartment wanting to go out with. Mm.
Well, hurry up. I wanna get out there before the guys scare Tommy off.
Hannah
Yeah.
So, Tommy, tell me. What was it like jumping from that skyscraper to that helicopter in Random Violence?
TDTommy De Witt
Actually, that was my stunt double.
JPJon, Paul and Bradley
Oh.
How about that fantastic sword fight in, um… slashblade peninsula?
TDTommy De Witt
That was my fencing double.
JPJon, Paul and Bradley
Oh.
What about shooting those love scenes with Neve Campbell?
TDTommy De Witt
That was my body double.
JPJon, Paul and Bradley
Oh.
Um… Do you actually appear in any of your movies?
Hannah
Hi. I’m Hannah.
TDTommy De Witt
And I am speechless. You wanna go out?
Hannah
Yeah. Oh. But before we do, my friends wanna meet ya. This is Tina, Rachel and Jo.
TDTommy De Witt
Hi, Tina.
TDTommy De Witt
Hi, Rachel.
Yeah. (falls on the floor)
Hannah
Aha! All right. Um, time to go.
Jo, give the girl some privacy.
You’re right. Like you’re not interested whether Hannah gets a snug off Tommy De Witt or not.
She’s getting out the car.
He’s walking out to the door.
Their heads are getting closer and closer.
Leave impact in 3 seconds.
Hannah
Thanks. I had a great night.
TTommy
I know you did, baby.
Hannah
And Hollywood is also the world capital of romance: Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn, Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes. Jean-Claude Van Damme and himself.
I can’t believe it. Hannah’s falling in love with Tommy De Witt.
It’s not fair. I loved Tommy De Witt when Hannah thought he had all the charm and Charisma of a timber door frame. Now, she’s the one getting all the face friction.
JTJo and Tina
It’s not fair.
Still, it could be worse. We could be Paul.
How’s my breath? (blowing his breath at Hannah)
Hannah
Fine!
Paul, I don’t know why you’re so nervous. It’s just a date.
No. It’s not just a date. It’s a date with Linda.
Yeah, and you’re so special about Linda.
Well, she’s sophisticated. She’s intelligent and she’s a grown-up.
Ooh. So what’s she doing with you?
Don’t say that. Look, I really want this to work out. I really like her.
So is this Linda the newsreader then?
Excellent. Because I didn’t buy a newspaper this morning and I just wondered if she could run over the main headlines with me.
Don’t you dare. When she comes here, she’s off-duty.
(screeches) Okay, everyone, relax! All right.
Hannah
Aw! Paul, would you stop doing that?!
Good evening. I’m Linda Lewis.
So, how was your weekend?
Boating on the lake. Great success. Dinner at an Italian restaurant overpriced. And finally a walk on the beach.
Well, I thought maybe we’d go to this Mexican restaurant.
No. A meal at the seafood restaurant. Tables are booked. Then coming up in the next hour a trip to the cinema.
Ah, that sounds like a much better idea. I don’t know what I was thinking. Come on, let’s go. Yeah.
Very good evening to you.
(to Tina) I thought she was supposed to be off-duty.
Oh, look! Surfing Championships this weekend. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
You think you maybe, we could ask if we can perform at the closing party.
Hannah
Oh, oh! That’s exactly what we were thinking.
Well. Come on. Let’s go and ask them.
Hannah
Uh. Why don’t you go, Rach?
Yeah. You’re really good at that sort of thing.
Hannah
Ooh!
Hannah
Yes! Yes, we are.
Hannah
Dudes.
MMiggy
It’s great! I’m Miggy and that’s Ziggy.
Hannah
I’m Higgy and that’s…Tiggy!
ZZiggy
You don’t look like surfers.
Hannah
Oh, we are, we are. Um, these clothes. They’re not ours.
MMiggy
Why are you wearing them then?
Hannah
Because we were surfing and there was this massive wave and it just sucked all our clothes off.
So, uh, yeah, we bought these.
ZZiggy
Wow! That must have been in some wave.
Hannah
Yeah! It was huge!
MMiggy
Okay, well, we’ll be here the same time tomorrow. Maybe see you then.
Hannah
Come on.
Hannah
Oh, nice one! Well done!
Finally, at last! Something is actually happening!
I know! This gig could be really good for us.
So, what song should we sing, guys?
Hannah
I don’t know. What do you reckon, Jo? Jo!
(waking up) Hmm? What? Who? Sorry, I’m a bit tired. Paul kept me awake all night last night snoring.
Hannah
He never used to snore.
He does a lot of things he never used to do.
Look what the cat dragged in.
Hannah
Must have been a very nerdy cat.
What happened to you, bro?
Did you mislay your fashion sense?
No. Linda said that I didn’t look nice in my other clothes and I look better like this.
Hannah
Paul, you don’t have to do anything she tells you.
You’re allowed an opinion, you know.
I know, and I’ve got one.
Which is Linda’s right. I look much nicer like this.
Hannah
Fancy changing a whole image just for the sake of a date.
Hannah
Oh, crikey, Teen! We better go and change our image for our date tomorrow.
Hannah
Let’s go!
Grubs up. (giving Jo a burger) Burger for you. (giving Hannah a burger) Burger for you. (giving Tina a burger) Burger for you. (trying to give Paul a burger but he doesn’t) And burger for you.
Hannah
You don’t like playing cards. You don’t like fast food. You don’t like normal clothes.
Is there anything you do like doing?
Yes. I like reading the newspaper and having serious political discussions.
Fascinating. I’m off to bed.
Me too. Apparently, I like having an early night.
You know what? I…was…wrong.
Yes. You should stick with them.
Thanks. I mean so much to me.
ZZiggy
Hey, Tiggy. We’ve changed our minds. You are cool.
You know what? We’ve changed some minds too.
Hannah
Yeah, we’re not cool.
Hannah
Oh, yeah. That’s right, isn’t it, Teen? Hey Ten. Flip your lid and see you around.
So, what should you do now then?
(hugging Jo) Jo, you just so rock and roll. Mmm?
Hannah
Hey, Paul.
Hannah
There’s a girl you like.
No, Bradley. You like every girl. That is the girl that I like.
But, Paul. You never got to do anything about it.
Okay then. Well, this time, watch this. (He comes to see her) Hi, how are ya?
GOGirl on Beach #1
Excuse me?
Well, that went better than usual.
You gotta work on your technique, bro. I mean, watch me. Watch the master.
Hey. How are ya doing? You’re kinda good.
GOGirl on Beach #2
(speaking gibberish and slapping him with her book)
Hannah
Boys, boys, boys, boys, boys! You want to know how it’s really done. Watch Rachel.
Hannah
Yeah, you. You’re the world champion of flirting.
Hannah
Yes, you are. Go on. Look around and tell us if there’s a boy you like. My boys, watch this and laugh.
Okay. First, she spots her victim.
(pointing to that boy) Well, he’s quite cute.
Then, she moves in for the kill.
The prey puts down his book.
He stretches unsuspectingly.
I’m Sam. You’re Rachel, aren’t you?
Yeah. How did you know that?
I’ve seen you around at the beach, and at the cafe.
Yeah. Listen. I was wondering. It’s my high school prom in a couple days, and I was wondering if you’d like to come with me.
Yeah. I’d love to. That would be great. Um, what should I wear?
Well, it’s quite formal, but I’m sure you’d look great in anything.
Hannah
That’s outrageous! I’m glad I never behaved like that.
BJBradley and Jon
Me too.
Hey, aren’t you guys with the S Club 7?
I’ve seen you play at the beach and at the cafe.
Hannah
Oh, right.
Hey, listen. I was wondering. It’s my high school prom in a couple days, and I was wondering if you guys like to play a few songs.
Hannah
That’d be great.
I’m sure you guys look great in anything.
So, I’ll see you in a couple days.
BJBradley, Jon, Hannah and Paul
Yeah.
Mmm. George Clooney’s eyes. The new George Clooney’s smile. And he had George Clooney’s body. It was love at first sight.
JRJo, Rachel and Tina
Aw.
PJPaul, Jon and Bradley
(sigh)
So why are you still with him?
Well, he didn’t quite have George Clooney’s wallet.
You don’t really believe in love at first sight, do ya?
Has it ever actually happened to you?
I had loved her face that once. That was quite nice.
My part of the third sight. Mmm. That was lovely.
Well, I’ve had love at no sight. Beat that.
Well, I met him on the internet. We exchanged romantic emails for months. He told me that he was a 45 year old millionaire with his own airplane, but then when I finally met him, he was a 14 year old squirrel with his own skateboard.
Yeah. Well, I think it’s a lot of old rubbish, anyway.
(to Jon) Well, you would.
I’ve had, I’ve had hate of first sight, a mild irritation, a second and, um, you’re not so bad after all at third. Does that count?
What’s the matter with him?
He said we’d write some more songs today. Remember?
Yeah, but what is the point?
There are all these good songs. We’ve got no record contract. We’ve got no money. Our agent is rubbish.
All right. One proper gig.
Yeah. But our agent didn’t even get us there.
Yeah. Guys, I really don’t want us to be one of those bands who just do kids’ parties and old people’s retirement homes and bar mitzvahs.
We’re not going to do that.
Hannah
Hey! Guess what, everyone? Our agent’s got us a gig out of a mitzvahs. What?
You see, we’ve gotta get a new agent.
I’m happy to help you with that.
Well, I had a bit of a thing with an agent one time.
Really? Was it love at first sight?
No. It was love at first smell. Or he had this great aftershave.
L.A. 7 · 159 quotes
