Gordon quotes from Kitchen Nightmares

You guys can't do your job right!

Why don't you shut the fuck up!?

Hey!

What!?

I don't want to hear any shouting in the kitchen!

Why don't you tell him to shut up?

Yeah. You too.

It looks anaemic, the colour's dreadful, and it tastes just like bland, boiled lamb.

You shouldn't be giving out garbage food. Are you serious?

You take over!

Why don't you take over!?

I should!

Then do it!

If you don't want it, then get out!

Do it!

If you don't want it, then get out!

You're stupid!

(to Leina) Do me a favour, send that back to fucking New Zealand.

Okay.

(overhearing Jamal, Emad, and Samer arguing) What's going on there?

They've been arguing, because he's (Jamal) telling him (Emad) that he doesn't know how to cook.

Idiot, dude. Just go back to the front.

Horrible. Horrible.

Who cares about his opinion?

He says that the lamb, it just tasted like it was boiled in water. And he said, "Send this back to New Zealand."

(testimonial) He tried it and he said, "There is no flavor in it!" But I believed myself I make the best lamb shank here in California. (back at the kitchen) I don't really know what to do. (waves a pan at Emad as if wanting to hit him with it)

What were you doing again? Oh, yeah. Cook your food wrong.

Nobody's talking to you! Stay back there!

Chef Ramsay wants to see everybody, outside.

Before I start talking about the dishes, what was the fighting going on there?

He just like to come back and argue pretty much about nothing.

Actually, when we get a complaint, I tell them what's going on, and they can't take criticism.

No, that's not it.

Let me talk!

You're making it seem that you're better than everything!

(to Samer) So why are you still talking when I'm talking!? (to Gordon) If I come back there and let them know, "Hey, this is dry", "Hey, the hummus is messed up"--

No, we really accept that. But the fact that you come over there and, "Hey, you guys can't cook. You guys are shit"--

I didn't say that!

Okay, okay!

That's what I have everyday.

Can I start talking about my lunch? The "combo plate": eggplants, out of the can; hummus, bland; falafel, bland. Sam, you recommended lamb shank, but the bones were disintegrating. When the bones start disintegrating, that's three hours over-cooked.

I don't know what to tell you.

Have you given up?

Not yet.

Top sirloin: it was miles away from medium rare.

Umm! (condescendingly points lips at Emad)

What are you "umm"-ing about? Shut up!

Okay, no, no.

I have nothing to do about --

Okay, okay.

What's wrong?

He's (points at Jamal) making a scene like it's all my fault. He said, "Umm, umm" (mimics Jamal's condescension) like I'm doing something wrong.

Yeah, who's been messing up all day before you walked in? So you know who's here, can't you just, like, step up?

You should have stepped up!

I'm telling you guys what's wrong --

Okay. He (Jamal) wasn't in that position that day, so stop putting the blame on him. You guys (points at Emad, Wesam, and Samer) were cooking.

Who cooked his (Ramsay's) food?

You were criticizing us all day!

Even if he was criticizing, you guys cooked the food!

You guys were giving messed-up food. That's what happened, right? Then try it! Then tell me what you think.

I've never seen anything like this. (to Emad) Have you given up?

(nods) Kind of.

"Kind of." Do you care?

Not really.

It shows you don't care.

You are in denial!

No! I'm not!

Bullshitting me and blowing smoke up my ass, telling me you work eight hours a day cleaning, telling me the food is great, people love it. I am shitting myself. The chef--

Well, then you need to wear diapers. (Gordon looks askance at him) You shouldn't be shittin' on yourself.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Or are you just trying to act like a fuckin' idiot to make yourself sound better?

No, I'm not a fuckin' idiot.

Then stop sounding like one.

You sound like a fuckin' idiot yourself.

I sound like an idiot?

You used the word "fuckin", so I brought it back to you. I think that's... kinda gross.

(stepping in) Nino, we need to calm down.

Unbelievable. Now, I know the problem in this restaurant. I'm staring at it.

Yeah. And I'm staring at it as well.

(interview) To be honest, I don't know what's in Nino's head.

Are we done?

(interview) It's almost like he's completely mentally unstable.

And these are... little carrots?

Micro-carrots.

Micro-carrots? From...

From a local farm.

Do you not think you should let it grow a bit?

Well, I don't think they're there to be really eaten, they're for garnish.

Okay.

It's a garnish. Nice to add some color.

Oh.

But I would like to explain what we're spending on micro-carrots.

Yeah. Can we go through this after?

[interview] I have staff here that'll take care of that. You don't hand me raw food in MY dining room.

Joe, I get upset when I see fakery from a frozen ravioli, a frozen perch, frozen oysters. And when you deny it, that makes me mad.

Well, let's talk about that.

Yeah, because you're making up stories.

I'm not making up stories.

Yes, you are. That's how fucking deluded you are.

No, I'm not deluded. We have fresh stuff, okay?

I'm struggling here to stay in this building right now. I swear to God.

Gordon, I got to cook right now.

Now isn’t a good time? I wish you would. I'm standing here watching a dead man walking.

Are they raw onions in there? What's that? Did you put raw onions in there?

I didn’t; no.

Why are we doing this to each other?

I don’t know.

Is this a wind-up? Look at me. You're putting raw onions in the soup. I don't know if you're just fucking around. I'm—I'm lost, Joe. Why are you doing this?

You said earlier that it needed more onions. Okay? We responded by putting the onions in there, so they had more of a bite to it.

It's raw. What's the matter with you? We send that out, it’s going to come straight back!

What do you want to hear?

Take it off, Joe!

Take it off the menu?

86 it! Save whatever little reputation you've got left! MAN! Surely you've got a bit more respect than that! I'm trying to reason with you, Joe.

I get it.

Fine.

I get it.

Fine! But I am not here to show an idiot you can't put fucking raw onions in an onion soup! I can't teach you that! That's called common sense! That, in your tiny mind, is not common!

Pardon?

(to Tom) Come here, you. Should we put raw onions in a caramelised onion soup?! TELL HIM!!

(to Joe) No.

(to Tom) Thank you! (to Joe) You've got talented staff to tell you that! Ask your chef!

[starts making an elk quesadilla] Do you want to see how we make this crap?

I haven't got the appetite, Joe.

I know because you wouldn't come over here and say "Don't get it that crispy." or "Don't do that with it."

What the fuck are you on? What the fuck are you on? I won't come over here saying "Get that a bit crispy". An elk quesadilla that you want confirmation that it's a fucking good dish? When are you going to pull your head out of your fucking arsehole?! For a man who stands there and boasts at his fucking farm and his goats and you want me to talk about this?! Seriously?! Wake up, Joe! You're joking, aren't you?

We're making these two these. You know what I'm saying? I know you don't like the dish.

It's disgusting, Joe!

So you wouldn't give me any input on it?

Get rid of it!

You want me to get rid of it right fucking now?!

I would! I would!

Get rid of the fucking thing! We don't have it!

Oh, here we go! Here we go!

We don't have it!

Here we fucking go!

Make yourself clear.

Stop asking such ridiculous questions! "Come over here and tell me it's crispy." ARE YOU THAT STUPID?!!

So don't - fucking - serve the thing, right?

WHOSE RESTAURANT IS THIS?!

It's my restaurant, and I'm asking for fuckin' help!

(over) THEN ACT... FUCKING RESPONSIBLE!!!

I'm asking for FUCKIN' help!

THEN WAKE UP!!

YOU wake up!

IDIOT!!

Fuckin' come in here and help me, instead of running your jaw!

You shouldn't even be in the kitchen! GET OUT!! GET OUT!!

(under) Go ahead! Go ahead! You put it all together! You got it right!

(to Tom) Let's finish this. Let's finish it. (to Joe) FUCK OFF THEN!

You fuck off!

(throws the quesadillas on the floor) Yeah, and take that shit with you! That's right, we're stopping an elk quesadilla! Breaking news in Mexico!

That's all I'm asking!

GET OUT!!! Now we got rid of the fucking problem. Unbelievable. Un-fucking-real.

I've never seen this before! Every fucking fridge is full of fresh stuff and old stuff. Unfortunately, the old stuff's tainting the fresh stuff, so what you think is fresh is no longer fresh. And those poor fuckers out there are eating this.

Can I-?

No, you can't. I'm not going to let you cook any more. Yeah, that's right. You want to continue cooking? You think it's funny, do you? No, Alyse, if anyone can walk past ROTTEN food in a fridge, and continue cooking fresh, you shouldn't be FUCKIN' anywhere near food! And then when I hear, "Oh, I've never seen that before!" THEN OPEN YOUR FUCKIN' EYES!

I just don't believe this. You know, what happened to "check things"?

I don't know what happened.

(fishing out a beer can from a bucket) What the fuck is this!? Do you guys like this shit to drink? Don't leave those in there for so long! (gestures wildly to the fridge) Look! Look in there! That's embarrassing!

But we don't use it.

I can't keep up with everything! I fuckin' baby-sit you like kids! And you still fuck me! I don't need to baby-sit; if I want to baby-sit, I'd go baby-sit my granddaughter! She's more fun than you guys!

I thought it would be a good idea to open a restaurant.

Were you intoxicated at the time?

Wow. Ten-dollar tip?

Yeah.

Nice. For you?

Of course, yeah. Why not?

Don't you think the girl deserves some tips tonight?

No. They get paid hourly.

And so, did you think that if I went and asked every customer that when they leave a tip, it goes straight to the owner and not to the server, do you think they'd be astounded? Let me ask that table there. (to the customers at the table) Sir, the tip that you left to the young lady server, the owner takes the tips.

That's horrible!

No, no, no, no!

Hey - (turning on Samy) Don't FUCK with me!

Yeah, I will fuck with you! Who the fuck do you think you are!?

Oh, my god. Samy's going to hurt him.

I'm fed up. I'm getting sick and tired of your bullshit.

Don't speak with me like a villain.

Well then fucking answer my question.

(under him) I am the gangster, not you.

Then fucking answer my question. Tell the customers they're going to get their tips!

No, they don't.

They should be told that you're taking them, because these servers deserve them.

You want to speak with me?

Yeah, I want to speak with you.

Do you want to fuck with me? I will fuck with you.

I don't want to fuck with you.

Then, I will fuck with you.

Oh, my god. What a joke.

I can't help people... that can't help themselves... and cannot ever take one ounce of criticism. And if you're not willing to change, I'm not going to butt heads, argue, scream, whatever you want to say. But, this is not normal. And it's not normal for a restaurant to go through that many staff. It's not normal for a kitchen that small to have 65 items on the menu. And it's not normal for the level of animosity that you built inside this restaurant and outside. You have the right to run the business the way you want to run your business. I have the right to do the right thing. And the right thing for me... is to get out of here. Good luck.

Wow.

This is what you wanted?

Yeah, of course this is what I wanted. I'm not participating in this shit, give me a break! (points to her microphone) Can I take this thing off me? (interview) We don't need his help! Maybe he knows that.

It all has to come down.

(interview) And now he's gone, he walked away. He'll go on with his life, and Samy and I will go on with our life.

Here's your sausage pizza.

[eyes wide as saucers] Holy crap...

Isn't that ridiculous?

[facepalms] It's like the pizza that ate Denver.

How can I help two individuals who don't care about what they're doing?

We do care.

We care tremendously.

So, why didn't you do anything before I got here?

We did. I can't tell you how many hours we cleaned.

You cleaned before I got here?

I threw out my clothes on Monday, I was so encased with grease.

How long?

How many hours?

HOW MANY DAYS?!

Five?

SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK?!!

We just need to stop.

[walking out of the restaurant] What a fucking mess!

What is that? Where is this coming from?

This is for the special.

For the special. That's all hot. No, I know, but wait. It's all hot. Where is it coming from?

Downstairs.

So you have a team of chefs downstairs as well?

No. Only one woman... put in the microwave.

Only one woman?

Yes. That's all the work she do.

[yelling down the lift] Hello? Hello? Hello? Wow. [talking to Christina] Christina, there's a lady downstairs that heats this stuff up.

Yeah, she puts these in the microwave.

What is that?

Hey Kevin, let's talk about how many times you haven't shown up to work without your tie.

Two times.

You're so disrespectful to her! You need to show a little respect!

She doesn't listen to anything we have to fucking say!

She tries to but you guys don't give her a chance!

Trevor, I have talked to you a hundred times about, stop! I've talked to you over and fucking over, you fucking know I'm not fucking lying, you are! I have sat down and talked to you so many fucking times and said "What can we do to make this better?" and you never fucking say fucking anything, so that's a fucking lie!

But when I do say something, it gets shut down!

You are fucking lying, you fucking fuck!

Whatever!

She's given you so many chances Trevor and you know it! Let's talk about your habits for a second and all the times, you've come in so high that you throw fuck at the walls! So high, you fucking punch people!

WHO INTERROGATES IT?! YOU!!!

NO, FUCKING YOU!!

YOU OUGHT TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS RESTAURANT SO WE CAN WORK!!

NO!! I DON'T FUCKING OWE YOU ANYTHING!! YOU'RE SO FUCKING HIGH ALL THE FUCKING TIME THAT WHEN YOU GO OFF FUCKING DRUGS, YOU'RE SO ANGRY THAT YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO FUCKING WORK!

Drugs? Who's on drugs?

He's a fucking tweaker! AND YOU KNOW YOU'RE A FUCKING TWEAKER! YOU'VE BEEN DOING DRUGS FOR THREE YEARS!!!

Janelle, Janelle.

Janelle, come here.

NO, FUCK HIM!! HE DESERVES TO BE FIRED AND YOU KNOW IT!!! HE TRIED TO FUCKING PUNCH ME!!!! AND IF I WOULD'VE LET HIM RIGHT NOW, I KNOW HE WOULD'VE FUCKING PUNCHED ME AGAIN!!! HE'S SUCH A FUCKING FUCKHOLE!! HE'S SO DISRESPECTFUL!! (cries)

Okay, stay away from him now. Darling, go inside the restaurant please, and get a glass of water please.