Narrator quotes from Kitchen Nightmares

When Chef Ramsay goes to work on any of the restaurants, he always does a thorough kitchen inspection. And while some are absolutely fine, others are a disgusting mess. Here are the three worst inspections in Kitchen Nightmares history.

Kitchen Nightmares has seen its shares of arguments, but we've selected the three biggest blow-ups.

With the doors about to open, Gordon gathers the staff for a quick chat.

Right, tonight is a critical, crucial night.

Are you with us? Or are you...

No, I'm just waiting for him (Peter).

Okay, but we're really busy right now.

Once again, Peter's has a bill collector on its doorstep.

(to bill collector) You are interfering, that's what I'm saying. Now get out of the way. Would you mind...

I'm interfering? You got to wait two minutes. I got to talk.

Get out of the way.

What?

Why don't you get out of the way so we can go on?

You get out of the way. Don't worry about it, I'm talking to him.

Why don't you go -- no, get out of the way.

(points to Peter) I want to talk to you.

I'm saying: Get away.

(to bill collector) Hey, who are you talking to? (begins to take off suit jacket)

I'm talking to you!

(tries to hold Peter back) God almighty! Relax, relax, relax, relax, relax!

(unintelligible, overlapping, drops his jacket)

(unintelligible, overlapping)

Oh, no! Relax, relax, relax, relax!

(unintelligible)

(gets in bill collector's face) Fuck off! Get the fuck out of here! Who the fuck are you?!

(still trying to restrain Peter) Relax! Relax! Dear, oh dear!

Who the fuck are you?! Fucking tough guy?!

(turns away for a second) Christ almighty...

(unintelligible, chases bill collector outside)

(notices what just happened) Oh, shit...

(trying to instigate a fight) Yeah, tough guy! Come on!

(being restrained by Robert and John) You fake little gangster! Come on! You fake little gangster! I'll hurt you, scumbag! YEAH, TOUGH GUY!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

Stop!

(watching the bill collector walk toward his car) COME ON, YOU FAKE TOUGH GUY!! COME ON, YOU FAKE TOUGH GUY!! COME ON! COME ON, YOU WANT TO FIGHT ME?! COME ON, I'LL PUT YOU IN THE HOSPITAL!! YEAH, MOTHERFUCKER!! YEAH, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Come out of the way, come out of the way.

FUCK THIS GUY!!! FUCK THIS GUY!! COME ON, YOU FAKE FUCKING GANGSTER!! YOU FUCKING BLOWJOB!! YOU'RE A FUCKING BLOWJOB!!!

Peter, you're embarrassing me.

Fuck this guy!!

Peter, Peter, relax.

Relax, relax.

Who the fuck is he to come in my fucking place?!?

Relax, relax, relax.

(still raging at the now-departing bill collector) Have my fucking cock, you scumbag! Yeah, tough guy! (gets right next to his car and knocks on the window) Right now! Right now! (bill collector drives away anyway)

Having discovered the terrible conditions in the kitchen, Gordon now ventures down to the basement to check out what's lurking below.

What's that smell?

What?!! (to Mohammad) What is that? Is that for rats or mice?

This is food for to catch a rat.

So we have got rats here.

Rat is all over the place.

That's rat droppings. Look at them all, everywhere.

Rats.

Rats. Oh my good God.

Look at the cockroaches.

Oh my God, look. I've got one in my fucking hair, that's cockroaches. The box is full of them.

Look, look at them all.

Oh my God, look. There they are, there in the refrigeration. Oh fucking hell. Oh my God. Oh no. LOOK AT THAT! Oh my God, look at it. (to Mohammad) There you go, there you go.

(interview) I was shocked. It's like a nightmare.

After feeling the heat of the firemen, Brian and sous chef Francis get back to work under the watchful eye of Gordon who can't believe what he sees.

Francis, Francis, Francis, Francis. Fuck me, he's deaf as a fucking bat. Francis, you took it off the floor and put it in the fryer and then back in the sauce.

Yeah, well the fryer is going to...is going to...take anything that comes off the floor and clean it.

But it fell on the floor.

Correct.

Put it back in the fryer.

Right into the fryer.

And it cleans it.

It cleans it. It sterilizes it.

Sterilises it?

Yeah, well...

Fuck me! "Sterilised it"?

What happened with that order?

I dropped a wing on the floor, picked it up and stuck it back in the fryer again.

(interview) We tried to keep everything consistent but some things get messed up every now and then.

What the fuck were you thinking?!

(outside) Oh my god. I've never, ever, ever seen anything quite extraordinary as that. Serves food off the floor and serves it to the customer? Oh, my God, no!

Day three. Gordon is determined to get through to this stubborn chef with help from a little shock therapy.

Okay, a new day, and I'm determined that this guy is going to finally start listening to what I'm trying to say. So this morning, I've shut the place down, I've bought it up and I'll make him understand that if doesn't start changing and listening to what I'm trying to say, that's the end result.

And that's the end result that no restaurant wants to see.

[taking off his jacket] Fucking hell.

With the restaurant on the verge of success, Chef Michel is insisting on reverting back to his old ways, and Gordon has reached his breaking point.

Thank you very much, I think it's great--

Cut the bullfuck. You don't care anymore, do you? Just get straight to the fucking answer.

No, I'm not cutting no bullfuck. I'm just telling it like it is.

Get straight to the fucking answer.

Okay? Alright?

Okay.

Alright, good. Your menu is not better than mine. You know?

You're a donkey!

My food has been voted Best Chef in Ventura County.

WHAT?!

Yeah, listen--

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on! Let me finish!! Let me finish!! You put your fucking hands up here, listen to me. You run a shit-hole of a kitchen! Fuck yourself!! Okay?!

No! No! No!

Fuck off! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TURN AROUND AND TELL ME, WHEN YOU WORK LIKE A PIG? YOU FRENCH PIG!!!

Yeah, you know what...

You lazy pig! You're so full of shit! Open your eyes and have a look around!

Big words, big mouth! Big mouth! You're not happy?

I'm FUCKING happy!

You can get out! You can get out!

Go on! [gives Michel the inverted V sign] Fuck yourself!

You can get out! It's my fucking kitchen!

Yeah, is it? Well, if it's your FUCKING KITCHEN, THEN CLEAN IT, YOU LAZY CUNT!

No!

Inspired by the fresh locally-grown apples, Chef Ramsay heads back to the restaurant to work on a special he has in mind for tonight's dinner service.

Right. What are they called.

(unenthusiastically) Apples?

Apples, fucking smartass.

With food now coming back, it's a perfect opportunity for Gordon to witness Sammy's customer service skills.

How did you want your meat cooked? Did you want it rare?

I wanted it medium rare.

So can we make you another one? Will you wait or you don't want it all?

I'll wait, but the thing is I don't want you to stick it back in a microwave.

No, we're going to throw that out and make you a new one. Nobody's talking about microwave. You're the one who's talking about microwave.

It came out of a microwave, otherwise it wouldn't be exuding heat.

Do you work for a microwave company? You know so much about microwave. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Get the fuck out of here. Tell her to take a hike.

That is rude. Wow. To speak to a customer like that, that's disgusting.

No wait, we're not done yet. I want to see you cut into it. How is it? Is it still too rare?

You know what? I'm done. No more chances.

Unbelievable. (interview) Oh my god. I just wanted to pick her up and throw her out. There's a right way and a wrong way of handling something like that and she was totally wrong.

While the family cools off, Chef Ramsay heads to the kitchen to come up with a game plan to fix the restaurant's biggest plan — the food.

Oh my God. What in the fuck is that? That is a fucking joke.

I wanted us all to get involved, and doing something together, yeah? I wanted a fun element. You (Patti) make a burrito, you (Yolanda) make a burrito, you (Vic) make a burrito, and the best one goes on the menu tonight. That's what I wanted to do. I couldn't do it, because of these little fuckers here. LOOK AT THEM!

Oh, my god! (interview) I feel sick to my stomach. I want to throw up, because I had coffee here earlier, and I don't know if the roach went through my cup.

I didn't know about this problem either.

Two dishwashers, two prep cooks. Who's cleaning around here? Do they seriously put food on those plates?

(interview) Vic's here seven days a week. I don't know how he didn't realize the problems in the kitchen.

Can't you see these? I'm trying to move forward, I'm trying to get going, but every time I put my foot on the ladder, I get knocked back. Did you know this was like this?

I noticed, I noticed, but, uh...

You knew it?

Yeah.

We're going to have to do something! We cannot open, we need an exterminator. How can I start even attempting to think of a new menu when the place is festering with cockroaches?!

(interview) I didn't expect this. I don't think it could get worse, I don't even know what could make it worse at this point.

After Chef Ramsay's dirty discovery, he immediately called in an exterminator.

I had no idea it was that bad.

Bloody hell. I'm pulling my hair out now. I'm sorry, but you're running the place.

Sorry.

Vic, this is stupid.

Where do I go, Vic?

Sorry.

(interview) I'm embarrassed with Chef Ramsay. I don't think that I uh... we can make it a good restaurant.

You can't run a fucking restaurant like that!

You think I'm mad? I'm fucking embarrassed now.

You should be fucking embarrassed. I'm not putting one foot in that place until that place is fucking cleaned, yes?

You're right.

Now you start getting those guys cleaning, yes?

Definitely.

Put some fucking pride! Do you understand the word pride?!

Yes.

It's not possible for someone to have his head so far up his asshole. Fuck me.

After witnessing one of the worst kitchen walk-ins he has ever seen, Gordon moves on to an area outside the kitchen that restaurants are judged upon - the bathroom.

One of the best ways to check the hygiene of any restaurant is always through these bathrooms. Turn that [a blue UV light] on, and turn the lights off. Right, this can be quite scary. [he checks out one of the walls] Oh my good God. Green and yellow identifies bodily fluids. Any form of bleach or any form of cleaning will be identified through the colour blue, but the body fluids on here is extraordinary. [he checks the ceiling] Look, as high as the ceiling, oh my God. Even the ceiling's caked in it, OH MY GOD! This is shocking. [a sign reads "Wash your heads"] Wash your hands, yeah. Honestly, I've seen enough. Let's get the fuck out of here.