Amy Gray quotes from Judging Amy

Am I being threatened by a superior court judge?

Amy

No, by a daughter who loves her mother, which is way worse. Ask anybody.

No one asked me what I thought was best.

Amy

Well no, I guess we didn't.

I like things the way they are, that's what I think is best.

Does the "no sarcasm" rule apply only to me?

Amy

No, and the "no preening and posturing rule" applies to everyone.

Amy

Isn't suffering part of the pilgrimage experience?

Here's something I learned. 'Pilgrimage' is actually just a fancy name for 'crappy vacation'.

Mom, you're being ridiculous. This is Peewee hockey. And besides, Grandma played field hockey in school. What's the difference?

Amy

The difference is that you fall on the field and get a grass stain, you fall on the ice and your head splits open...like a melon!

Maxine

They do wear helmets.

Amy

Hey Mom, this is between me and Lauren.

Maxine

AMY!

Amy

WHAT?

Maxine

Come out here and let me see it. My wedding, I get to see the bridesmaid's dresses.

Maxine

[laughing] Did you leave your curds and whey in the dressing room?

Amy

I don't care what Gillian says, I'm not wearing this dress.

Now that we're talking about it, what's your position on it?

Amy

What's my position on the world? I - I'm for it. Go world!

Donna

Psst! Wanna have lunch?

Amy

I can't. I have a lunch date.

Donna

It's not in your calendar. Who're you having lunch with?

Amy

Stu's mother.

Donna

Huh?

Amy

Stu's mother. I'm having lunch with Stu's mother! Are you getting this in the back row? I'm having lunch with Stu's mother! Next case!

Amy

My life is kind of weird right now.

Maxine

Yes Amy I've noticed.

Amy

I'm not just talking about the non-wedding.

[To Nicole] You helped me so much.

Amy

How has Nicole helped you?

She understands. I've got control now.

Victor and I don’t like the fact that you and his dad are dating.

Amy

We aren't dating. Going to dinner is not a date. It’s just not.

Maxine

Amy, I'll be back later.

Amy

Where are you going mom?

Maxine

Out to dinner with a friend.

Amy

Are you going on a date?

Maxine

No not a date, just dinner with a male companion

Amy

Dinner with a male companion is a date.

Maxine

It's not if I say it's not.

Amy

[to Lauren] It's not the same thing.

Amy

Mom, are you okay?

Maxine

[trying not to laugh] Of course, but I am 65 years old, and my boyfriend's mother hates me.

Gillian

[After their night of speed dating] Peter's looking pretty good right now.

Donna

Oscar's looking pretty good right now.

Amy

David McClaren's still an ass.

Amy

[To Lauren, about a trip to the skate park] If you break your arm, I swear to God I'm going to break the other one...[looks at Victor]...then I'm going to come looking for you.

Fair enough.

Kyle

[Discussing Victor's condition with David and Amy] My best educated guess? I'd say 70/30.

Amy

That he'll make it.

Kyle

No.