Bruce Van Exel quotes from Judging Amy

Bruce

When they get to Andrew Lloyd Webber, I quit.

Bruce

[trying to get Amy moving to the courtroom] Momentum requires velocity. Basic physics.

Bruce

Do you have a problem with me not being a woman?

Amy

Not if you don't.

Amy

You could be a little more sympathetic.

Bruce

I don't do sympathetic.

Amy

Of course not.

Amy

[to Bruce] Well, maybe four hours sleep isn't enough for you, Mr. Smarty-Pants.

Bruce

May I assume since you're calling me "Mr. Smarty-Pants" that the official part of the reprimand is over?

Amy

My friend, Greta, found God.

Bruce

I didn't know He was missing.

Amy

Can tuna actually freeze?

Bruce

Apparently so.

Vincent

Hey. Am I interrupting?

Bruce

Just having some tuna Slurpees...

Bruce

Tell you what. You have a complete psychotic breakdown. I'll cover for you. I'll put on a robe and a wig... Come on. I'll walk you to your car. [she doesn't answer] Amy, I'll walk you to your car. Judge Gray?

Amy

No. It's okay.

Bruce

No, it's not. I'll walk you to your car.

Bruce

Do you smell chlorine?

Amy

I went for a swim. For fitness.

Bruce

That would explain it.

Amy

Why does this feel like it's a marriage?

Bruce

Because it is.

Amy

Without the obvious perks. [Bruce looks confused] You don't fix things around the house.

Amy

So, it's not like flirting.

Bruce

No, it's not like flirting.

Amy

Because priests don't flirt.

Bruce

Not if they like their jobs.

Amy

So, we're talking nada? No heavy petting, light petting...?

Bruce

Do I look like I want to be having this conversation?

Amy

You think you're cute, don't you?

Bruce

I am cute. Here. We're on the set up committee. So, set up.

Amy

Who's that?

Bruce

A friend. Where's your hair?

Amy

Where's yours?

Bruce

I have three rules. I don't lend money, I don't touch lettuce, I don't set people up.

Amy

You don't touch lettuce?

Bruce

It's cold, it's wet, it squeaks. I don't have to explain myself.

Amy

What's his deal?

Bruce

His 'deal' is his business. And I told you -

Amy

I know. You don't touch lettuce.