Amy Gray quotes from Judging Amy

Amy

[to Jerry] You are a moron of epic proportions!

Amy

[to herself in the mirror, wearing Graciela's jacket and cap] You betta step off before I hafta open up a can o' whoop ass.

Amy

[to the State Attorney] You can have your transfer, but you can shove your apology!

Amy

[telling Lauren what she can't do] ...no pink hair or any other color that is not a spawn of this gene pool!... and the only piece of metal that's getting pierced through your body is a tracking device I may get surgically inserted into your neck!

[about her book report] I was gonna do The Secret Garden, but I'm doing Everybody Poops instead.

Amy

How about... 'Everybody Poops in the Secret Garden'?

Why are they talking about us like we're not here?

Amy

It's a family tradition, sweetie.

Bruce

Do you have a problem with me not being a woman?

Amy

Not if you don't.

Vincent

She's asleep.

Amy

She doesn't want me to tuck her in?

Vincent

No. No, she's not interested. She says that she loves you, but that she's not in love with you. No, that was another conversation.

That's ridiculous! Cars just don't start moving.

Vincent

Please, Judge, give me a chance. I don't want to go to jail.

Well, what are you going to do for me?

Vincent

I don't think Judge Barbie's supposed to say that.

Amy

Ok, bedtime!

Amy

What? I don't look judicial?

Maxine

No! You look like a deranged minister!

Vincent

No, no, no. It's a very bad idea to drink alone.

Amy

Well, it's either that or matricide.

Vincent

Then go ahead. I'll wait.

Amy

I have to check my compassion at the door.

Says who?

Amy

I've got to think about the law, not the people.

Well, what do you think the law is for? When you uphold the law, you uphold the good of the people. Not just the people in your courtroom. All of them. Nobody loses.

Amy

Where's Vincent?

Maxine

He said something about a freelance writing job.

It's the lady from the hardware store, he met her looking for screws.

Vincent

Something smells good.

Amy

That would be Socrates' breath.

Amy

You could be a little more sympathetic.

Bruce

I don't do sympathetic.

Amy

Of course not.