Maxine Gray quotes from Judging Amy

Maxine

For a job that doesn't pay anything, it certainly has cost me a lot.

Maxine

Kimberly, keep your bony fingers out of my files or I'll kick your sneaky, conniving ass from here till next September and back again.

Maxine

I've ordered grilled cheese sandwhiches and milkshakes for everyone. The lactose-intolerant can just skip it.

Maxine

Here's how the world works, Amy. You can leave a man at the altar, or you can have him like you. You can't have both.

Maxine

[To Lauren, as the cupcakes burn and the smoke alarm sounds] Cupcakes cause cancer!

Maxine

[To Ignacio, after finding out he is still married] I've come to a decision. I will be going to China, and you can go to Hell!

Maxine

If I told you I was Cheryl Tiegs, would you put me through?...Cheryl Tiegs was a sex icon back in...how old are you?

Maxine

[while hallucinating about her mother, sings]

Maxine

[When Vincent comes in to see how she's doing] Vincent, I already have a pain in my chest, I don't need a larger one in my ass, too.

Maxine

[When Amy brings her an envelope with her mother's jewelry] This is what a hospital does. It takes a person from you and gives you an envelope in return.

Maxine

"Never wear fire for a hat"… I haven't any idea what it means. I read it in a bathroom stall once and it stuck with me.

Amy

What? I don't look judicial?

Maxine

No! You look like a deranged minister!

Vincent

You sure can clear a room.

Maxine

It hasn't worked on you yet.

What's anorexia?

Maxine

A disease women get from reading magazines.

Amy

Where's Vincent?

Maxine

He said something about a freelance writing job.

It's the lady from the hardware store, he met her looking for screws.