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SEASON 4

Jeeves and Wooster · Season 4

Jeeves and Wooster Season 4 quotes

37 quotes · page 2 of 3

S4 E3Bridegroom Wanted

RGSir Roderick Glossop

The Glossop method is based on the patient being given an excess of whatever it is he most desires — as it may be alcohol or the companionship of the opposite sex or, as in Lord Bittlesham's case, food. The patient will eventually revolt at the sheer immoderation of it and voluntarily deny himself.

Ah, sort of get it out of his system.

RGSir Roderick Glossop

Precisely.

Is it successful?

RGSir Roderick Glossop

It's theoretically impeccable, Bertie, and extremely popular.

Yes, yes, I should think it would be.

Um, a problem has arisen in the life of, uh, a friend of mine, Jeeves, who shall remain nameless, and I want — or rather he wants — your advice.

Certainly, sir.

Well, ah, I must begin by saying that this is one of those delicate problems where not only must my friend be nameless, but all the other personnel as well.

Would you prefer it if we were to term the protagonists A and B, sir?

Yes, or North and South.

A and B is more customary, sir.

Yes, well, you know best, Jeeves. Very well. Now then, A is male and B female. You follow me so far?

You have been lucidity itself, sir.

S4 E4The Delayed Arrival

SCStilton Cheesewright

[referring to Bertie's cocktail] Now what do you suppose those things are doing to your eye?

For your information, Cheesewright, one does not administer alcohol by the eye, or even by the ear. The mouth is the correct orifice.

SCStilton Cheesewright

Not if one's meant to be in training for the Drones' darts tournament, it isn't.

Ah, yes, of course, you've drawn me in the sweepstake, haven't you? Well, your money is safe, Cheesewright. The Wooster form is as devastating as ever.

SCStilton Cheesewright

We want a win this year, Wooster, not another dratted tie. I happened to look into the Drones this afternoon. Freddie Widgeon was at the darts board, stunning everyone with a performance that — took the breath away.

SCStilton Cheesewright

Eh?

I said "tcha!" scornfully, with ref. to F. Widgeon. I know his form backwards.

SCStilton Cheesewright

He's knocked off smoking, you know!

SCStilton Cheesewright

He takes a cold bath every morning!

[shrugs] He's forgotten where the hot tap is.

[at the Mottled Oyster]

This is wonderful! What horrible people! Are all nightclubs like this?

Ah, well, this is about average for the unlicensed places.

Unlicensed?

You said you wanted somewhere low and garish.

Oh no, I'm not complaining. This is just the sort of place I pictured Rollo coming to that night!

The hero of my novel. Rollo Beeminster. He's in a wild mood, reckless, desperate. He's lost the girl he loves, and he comes to this low nightclub trying to forget, but it's useless. He looks around him at the glitter and garishness and feels how hollow it all is.

Yes. [clears throat] I saw Stilton at the Drones tonight.

Oh, yes?

Yes, he was in a wild mood. He looked about him at the Drones' smoking room and I could see he was feeling what a hollow... smoking room it was.

Oh, Bertie, if magazines had ears, Milady's Boudoir would be up to them in debt. I've got nasty little men in bowler hats knocking at my door.

Well, I can't possibly come down to Brinkley, aged aunt. If I'm seen within a twenty-mile radius of Florence Craye, I get my spine broken.

Oh, you're so selfish, Bertie. You don't know how important this is to me.

Well you don't know how important my spine is to me. I'm very attached to it.

If that doesn't leave me without a stain on my character, well, then I don't know what it does leave me without a stain on.

[watching Aunt Dahlia and Trotter seal the deal on Milady's Boudoir] He's kissed her on the cheek! Good Lord.... She's slapped him on the back... now she's helping him up, dusting down his suit...

[After the darts tournament, which, for the 17th year in a row, has ended in a tie]

You know, Jeeves, I can't help thinking, somewhere at the back of my mind, there must be a better method of deciding the championship than playing the best of six games.

It does seem likely, sir.

Perhaps the best of eight would do it.

Possibly, sir.

Ten. Exhaustion might yet result, if nothing else.

I'm sure the Sports Committee will find a way, sir — given time.

S4 E5Trouble at Totleigh Towers

I know Stiffy. I'd run a mile in tight shoes for her. But she lacks that, that balanced judgment that one likes to see in girls.

Oh, stop playing with the hat, Jeeves. I knew you wouldn't like it.

Oh, not at all, sir! Oh, good heavens, it has its name printed on the inside! How convenient!

I'm furious with Augustus.

Oh, surely not!

He was so rude about Roderick.

He said to Daddy that he was sick and tired of seeing Roderick clumping about the place as if it belonged to him, and if Daddy had an ounce more sense than a billiard ball, he would charge him rent. He was most offensive!

Well, h-h-he said it with a light laugh.

Well, you might not have noticed it. Very easy to miss these light laughs.

["Oh By Jingo"]

Oh by gee by gosh by gum by Jove!

Oh by Jove, oh by Jove, oh by Jove!

Oh By Jingo, won't you hear our love?

Will you kindly raise your voice?

RSRoderick Spode, Stiffy Byng, Rev. Stinker Pinker

Louder!

We will build for you a hut!

MPMajor Plank, Chief Toto

Yes!

You will be our favourite nut!

MPMajor Plank, Chief Toto

Correct!

We'll have a lot of little oh-by-Joveses!

Dress them up in clogs and clotheses.

Oh By Jingo said by gosh by gee!

MPMajor Plank, Chief Toto

G, A, B, C, D, E, stop!

Oh by jiminy, please don't bother me!

RSRoderick Spode, Major Plank, Chief Toto

Bother her, bother her!

So they all went away, saying

AAll

Oh by gee by gosh by gum by Oh By Jingo, by gee, you're the only one for me!

Bring me lobster on a clean plate!

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