[twirling the Vampire's sock and chanting] We knocked your socks off! [sniffs the sock] EW!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[coming upon a large idol of three stone monkeys] There!
Whoa! Mt. Chimpmore.
The great idol of the Three Wise Monkeys. Legend tells that it is filled with Dark Chi.
The idol is evil?
No. Three Wise Monkeys are guardians. Good wizards sealed the Dark Chi within them looking ago, so that humanity may neither see, hear, nor speak of such evil. [shudders] Oh.
What is it, sensei?
The willies!
[suddenly appearing] No doubt the forces of light have summoned you here, since I possess the only existing map.
Daolon Wong!
The anti-Uncle!
[as everyone regains consciousness, noticing the idol has vanished]
DAOLON IS GONE!
As is the idol!
MOUNT CHIMPMORE IS GONE TOO!
That is what I just said!
[Jackie tries to speak, only to realize he's mute]
DAOLON IS GONE AND HE TOOK MT. CHIMPMORE WITH HIM!
Aiya! Stop shouting Jade! I am old, not deaf! [Jackie gets Uncles attention, but still cannot speak] Speak up Jackie! I cannot hear you!
[fumbling around with his hands] How can you see through this cloud of Dark Chi?
There is no Dark Chi cloud!
Then why can I not see you?
[Jackie once more tries to speak]
UNCLE! NO SOUND IS COMING OUT OF JACKIE'S MOUTH!
[realizing] Because Jackie is mute.
UNCLE! NO SOUND IS COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!
Jade is deaf!
[fumbling with Uncle's face] Sensei?
[muffled] And Tohru is blind!
[wandering around] We are like the three Wise Monkeys!
WHAT? SPEAK UP TOHRU!
[walking away] I said "We are like the-"
YO! TOHRU! OVER HERE! I DON'T THINK T CAN SEE!
Why were you not affected, Sensei?
As a student of Master Fong, I am protected by an abundance of Good Chi.
IF I'M DEAF, AND TOHRU IS BLIND, THAT MEANS UNCLE MUST BE MUTE! [Jackie tries to tell her that he's mute] JACKIE, I CAN'T HEAR YOU, DUH!
[to Jackie] I cannot read your lips. Your accent is too thick!
My patience wears thin, Valmont. Every moment spent imprisoned in this stone casement is an eternity lost!
I assure you Shendu, my men are spending every waking moment searching for your Talismans.
[Finn and Ratso enter the room arguing over a newspaper]
Aw, come on, I wanna see the baseball scores!
FFinn
Nuh-uh! Not until I finish checking out Stewie Cablooie. He's the bomb!
You two! Come closer!
Uh oh...
Show me the parchment.
[shows Shendu the Sports section] You a Giants fan, Shendu?
Argh! Turn it over!
The hair plugs ad?
[seeing an article about an ancient statue] The statue of Lo Pei...
FFinn
You wanna see Lo Pei, oughta check out my salary. Get it? Low pay?
[after Jade crashes into Lo Pei statue]
[Shocked] What did you do?!
What did you do?! You put an old junk heap in the middle of the floor!
That "old junk heap" is a priceless antiquity on loan from the museum!
[nervously pacing] Oh, broken statue...
Sorry!
Broken statue!
Sorry!
Broken statue!
Sorry!
Jasmine tea to calm the nerves...
Yes, I can see my future in the tea leaves. The museum contacts the university, my career winds up like that statue; ruined! [Uncle cuffs him] Ow!
Your career not important! Now we will never read the inscriptions. Knowledge has been lost forever! ... Must call my insurance agent, see if I'm covered for this.
Really, I can explain!
No need. The intruder was obviously an emissary of the Dark Hand utilizing a high octane nerve gas. You were foolish to try and stop him on your own... [pats Jade's head] But also very brave.
Yeah, well I try to be of help.
Yes, and I wish you would stop helping. [notices the Talismans are gone] The Talismans! How?!
Uh... you know that broken statue? Well, he's not so broken anymore.
What?!
Don't worry, Jackie. I can help! [covers mouth] The H word. [later] I meant help you find the warrior, not help do the laundry.
CChow
The small one is no pal. She is the enemy, o great Lo Pei.
[gasps]
LPLo Pei
You know my name?
CChow
Sure. We're your homies.
FFinn
[whispers to Chow] Talk flowery, like Shendu said.
CChow
I... I mean, uh, fellow warriors from the Ling Dynasty, come to help. As, uh, the dew helps the morning glory to blossom.
FFinn
Oh, yeah. That's us.
Ah-ha.
No way you're buying this.
CChow
The emperor sent us to help you hide the Talisman—[notices more Talismans] Talismans. You got so many, he figures we can do it faster and cheaper.
They are so lying. They're the Dark Hand. Bad guys. Enemies of Jackie and me!
FFinn
Yeah, Lo Pei, you know Jackie. The guy who was trying to bust you up back on Alcatraz. He's her uncle.
Uh... by marriage. Hardly know him, really. Heh.
LPLo Pei
As the Lily pad offers respite to the weary bullfrog, so your service to our cause is much appreciated. [offers the Talismans to the Dark Hand]
No... [Ratso restrains her] Unh. Let go! Unh.
LPLo Pei
A Sacred Warrior would never harm a child. You are impostors!
No, don't hurt her!
It's okay, Jackie. Me and Lo Pei are pals.
LPLo Pei
Pals. [gives thumbs up gesture] A-okay.
And the Talismans?
Oh. Those. Well, the Dark Hand kinda got the drop on us, and... heh.
[facepalms] Ohhh...
We'll get the Talismans back! Warriors, yes!
Warriors, no! You are a child, and I am an archaeologist, [to Lo Pei] though not for long if I don't get you back to the museum.
LPLo Pei
Again you speak nonsense. As the crescent-moon is duty-bound to follow the sunset, so shall I smite this Dark Hand! [gives a thumbs up] HOO-AH!
"Hoo-ah"?
It's an ancient warrior thing.
[as Jackie grabs her shoulder] Wah!
Hi Jade.
[breathing heavily] Jackie, don't sneak up on me like that!
Oh, I was sneaking up on you? You're supposed to back at the hotel.
Sure. Limit my exposure to other cultures. Stifle my educational potential.
Jade, I'm only trying to stifle your potential to be harmed. What if the Dark Hand were here too, searching for the Snake Talisman?
Did you find it?
Not yet. You'd think it were invisible.
Edit that out!
And thus, "Just the Artifacts" has the exclusive scoop on this infamous Snake Talisman, whatever that is. You do think everyone was fighting over the chalk drawing, don't you?
[packing away his camera] Oh, maybe we should ask an archeologist.
I AM AN ARCHEOLOGIST!
Oh right, destroying 4,000 year-old drawings, yeah that's what archeologists do.
[after Jackie accidentally drops the Snake Talisman]
[looking to catch it] I got it, I got it!
WRWesey Rank
[reaches out and catches the Talisman] How wrong you are, little lady! [to Dino] You there, uh camera-guy! Roll film, quickly! [temple begins to rumble] Welcome! I'm Wesley Rank and you're watching "Just the Artifacts" at the legendary once lost Temple of Culebra Gigante! I have just braved a treacherous climb to the temple's harrowing heights to bring you this! [holds up the Talisman] The Snake Talisman!
[Jade suddenly appears in the shot punching him from below]
No! Liar, liar, liar!
[pushes Jade off; mockingly] Ow, that hurt! Edit that out. Where did this mysterious Talisman come from? Why was it here? And what is that awful racket?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Jackie Chan Adventures pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.