Everything all right?
Maybe a sprain.
I meant the camera! Now point it at that exit, let's wrap this up!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
And with this phenomenal find, firmly in hand, this is Wesley Rank bidding you farewell, 'til next time on "Just the Artifacts"! [turns to leave through the tunnel behind him, before running back screaming in absolute terror] AAH!
Let me guess, edit that out?
Network's gonna love this.
[Jackie and Jade are watching the show that Wesley was filming]
Welcome, I'm Wesley Rank and you're watching "Just the Artifacts" at the legendary once lost Temple of Culebra Gigante! I have just braved a treacherous climb to the temple's harrowing heights to bring you this...the Snake Talisman!
[on television, enters the shot, punching Wesley from below] No!
Huh?
I'm on TV!
Rank didn't edit that out?
[on television] Liar, liar, liar!
[pushing Jade offscreen; mockingly] Ow, that hurt! [immediately cuts to him running in fear from Culebra Gigante] AAH!
[laughs] Welcome to a special edition of "Just the Artifacts"! Wesley Rank may not know how to treat little girls, but he sure knows how to scream like one! I'm Dino Stefanson, and I'll be your new guide!
[laughing] Go camera guy!
Look!
[shows a shot of the Snake Talisman]
You'll also get the full scoop on how we recovered this rare Snake Talisman from a local pawn shop Rank sold it to. We of course donated the artifact to the New York Museum.
[sigh] After what we've been through, getting the Talisman from the museum should be a snap. [pops neck]
We're off to the jungle!
Jade?
New York? The concrete jungle? Duh!
CChow
I wish we hadn't lost that speed talisman.
FFinn
I wish Chan was never born.
I wish one of those talismans would come to us for a change!
[The talisman locater suddenly starts glowing. The Enforcers look outside to see Jade walking past them]
I wish I had a million bucks!
So she speeds off, and then zappo, she's gone!
FFinn
It was freaky, Big V! Left behind some kind of energy hole!
Energy hole? Zappo?
A crude description, Valmont, but I indeed sense a wrinkle in time. The child has used the speed talisman to forge a tunnel to the past.
And if Shendu's rabbit dug a hole, all you idiots have to do to secure the Talisman is go through that hole.
But tunnels through time flow only in one direction. If you wish them to return, they will require this. [a Shadowkahn warrior presents a crystal orb to Tohru]
So uh...just how far back does this tunnel thingy go?
FFinn
We talking dinosaurs?
I don't care if it leads to the Big Bang, you buffoons! Just bring me that talisman!
Kepler, have you seen- [Kepler's Chroniton Beam fires directly at Jackie as he enters the door; Jackie narrowly avoids it] Aah!
KKepler
Same beam almost fried Jade. Maybe I should move the emitter.
Maybe??? This is a safety hazard!
FFinn
Get down! Get funky! It's the 70's!
[Jade and a Young Jackie Chan rush into Uncle's Store]
How did you know where I live?
Whoa, what are these? [picks up a tape only to have Uncle appear and take it back]
YYoung Uncle
8-Track tapes.
But where are the antiques?
YYoung Uncle
While I wish to trade in ancient treasures, 8-Track is the way of the future.
Whoa! It's Chan! But bite-sized!
CChow
And if we off him when he's little...
FFinn
He'll never get big!
Destroy him!
[gasp] Bad day...
Think we ditched 'em.
Ditched who, why are those men after me, what's that rabbit thing, how can you run so fast, what's going on?!
Okay, here's the deal. I'm from the future. You're my uncle. The talisman's magic. The Dark Hand is after it, and now they wanna get rid of you so that they won't have to fight you when you grow up. Get it?
...That's crazy Jade. You're crazy!
[after rendering Uncle unconscious] My first act of megavillany! This is an exhilarating moment!
[as the Chans engage the Dark Hand in a school dance]
S1Student 1
Everybody is Kung Fu fighting!
S2Student 2
Hooah!
You may have won today, Chan, but we will meet again, and-
[Young Jackie bluffs a hit inches from Valmont's face, causing him to scream and faint]
YYoung Uncle
Jackie, it looks like you will have a very interesting future, with a very odd niece. One more thing. Did she say anything else about my future in antiques?
Jackie, I keep having the same weird dream. I show up the first day of class without my... what I did during summer vacation essay.
Gee. Perhaps you should start writing your essay.
Tch. You mean write about how boring vacation's been? We haven't seen a single demon, or ninja, or Dark Hand thug.
Hmmm. My kind of summer.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Jackie Chan Adventures pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.