Valmont quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Valmont

You really go for the gold, Mr. Chan. Fool's gold.

Jackie

You know, Valmont? I was wondering, what is one of these worth? An all expenses paid trip to Melvin World? [tosses a gold brick into the water]

Valmont

You'll pay for that!

Jackie

What about these? A new Ferrari?

Valmont

Chan!

Jackie

A summer home? Your own private island to build it on? A robot butler for that home?

Valmont

ARGH! [blasts his ship in half] Blast.

Valmont

Shendu, I beg your forgiveness.

You may earn it. Rumor tells of a talisman hidden at the North Pole. Dress warmly...

The Rat Talisman is the key to my freedom, Valmont. It will reanimate me to flesh and bone.

You mean, you get back all your dragon power and stuff?

Valmont

No, Shendu will still require the other Talismans, and our continued assistance for that.

Judging by experience, I will remain in this petrified form forever. And you will never lay your eyes on the lost treasure of Ching Xi Hung!

Big V, d-d'you think you c-could turn up the h-heat?

Allow me.

That's plenty!

Much o-obliged.

Valmont

Careful, Shendu. If you charbroil the help, they'll never find the next talisman.

The next talisman is insufficient, Valmont. I need all twelve to shed this petrified form, and regain my true powers.

Valmont

We are working on it, Shendu.

With your customary ineptitude, once again, this Chan has snatched a talisman from your so-called professionals...

Too bad Chan ain't working for us!

Valmont

Perhaps he can be persuaded...

Jackie

Ah, what big eyes, you have. Don't blink Mr. President. [reaches inand gets the talisman, only to reveal it is the Snake Talisman] The Snake Talisman? We already got that one.

Valmont

[lifts Jackie up] Upsie-daisy! [Jackie assumes a fighting stance, revealing his wound] Ah, snake bite! Could be fatal.

Jackie

You bring me all the way out here to poison me?

Valmont

A rather appropriate lure, since the venom, now rushing through your veins, will soon turn you to stone.

Valmont

You failed to retrieve the talisman, and you sat on this! [holds the broken Seeking Device]

The Seeking Device was forged by magic. Such things are hard to come by.

Apologies, master.

Valmont

Perhaps the time has come to have a freelancer lead future missions...

No need, master. I will do better!

Valmont

Ah, too late! Tohru, meet Hak Foo.

Valmont

[after fitting the last half of the twelfth Talisman into Shendu] Game over, Chan. Way over.

[no longer a statue, but a walking demon] I LIVE!

Valmont

Tohru, make this deadbeat puny up!

You go bro.

We're right behind you-

-in spirit.

Too bad about the lost treasure of... y'know, whatcha call it.

Uh, will this affect our bonuses?

You get a bonus?

Valmont

Shut it!

Valmont

[angered] It would seem we have lost the lost treasure of Ching Xi Hung. On the bright side, however, Jackie Chan has done me a tremendous favor by eliminating my albatross.

[whispers] Albatross? I thought Shendu was a dragon.

Valmont

Which means we now have exclusive access to... [picks up the Dragon Talisman] some very potent magic.

Valmont

Twelve Talismans, four Enforcers, three each.

Uh, boss... there's only three of us since Tohru cashed in his frequent flyer miles.

So, I'll just hang on to these-

Hak Foo

Hungry crane spears fish!

Valmont

Everyone remembers Hak Foo?

[nervously] Heh, hiya Hak!

Or do you prefer Foo?

Valmont

Master Foo. The Black Tiger shall be your new lieutenant.

We must have left millions on that beach! What is the deal, Big-V?

[revealing himself in possession of Valmont's body] Valmont cannot hear you!

Uh-oh.

Shendu?

He's back...

Your Talismans, Mr. Shendu.

We was takin' care of 'em for ya. [chuckles nervously, as the Enforcers try to leave, with Shendu blocking their path]

Keep your Talismans, they no longer matter to me.

Wow...

Valmont

[confused] How did I- Where is the money?!

Uhh, Big-V? Shendu's back.

Valmont

What?! WHERE?!

Inside you!

Valmont

....Wha- That's preposterous- [walks past a mirror to see Shendu's reflection] AH! Get out!

Trust me, Valmont, the feeling is mutual. But for now, you and your thugs will assist me, or perish! [breathes fire from Valmont's mouth at the enforcers]

Got it!

We're swinging to your beat!

The portal of Xiao Fung the Wind Demon lies on the southern land mass, four million and one cubits above the southern hemisphere, beyond the blasted forest, nestled between the rolling hills.

Uh, the only thing I see nestling...

...is Hollowlands Penitentiary!

Valmont

You mean to tell us that the demon portal lies within those prison walls, Shendu?

Do not take that tone with me, Valmont! I did not build the fortress!

I've heard of busting out of jail, but breaking in?

[guiding Chow and Hak Foo who are carrying a large box] Ah ah, gently. Watch your step! Place it over to the left.

Valmont

[regaining control] ...and into the incinerator! We could use some firewood.

Silence! With some sprucing, this fish heap will be worthy of housing a demon sorceror!

Valmont

Ex-demon sorceror.

I may be vanquished, but I am still in charge, Valmont. As you can well see.

Valmont

This is my hideout, and my body, Shendu!

Which reminds me, I have a change of wardrobe in mind for us!

Valmont

Huh?! You wouldn't dare!

Valmont

I will put up with a lot, Shendu. But I draw the line at wearing a dress!

This is a sorcerer's robe!

[laughing] Shen-dudet! [bows]

Pretty dress.

Very becoming!

[annoyed] Where is my archive?

Uh, Chan's got it.

But it wasn't our fault!

Yeah, that's right! The Shadowkhan were there too!

The Shadowkhan are my puppets. They do only what I command! Are you suggesting that this is MY fault?!