How I Met Your Mother quotes

324 total quotes



[Robin has reservations about Ted and Stella's wedding, and Ted is not pleased]
Ted: We broke up over a year ago.
Robin: Yeah, but that's not that long ago. Watching you marry another woman isn't exactly something I was looking forward to. I don't know, if I would change my mind about marriage and kids, it was nice to know that you were there.
Ted: So I was your safety school. How flattering.
Robin: That's not it. It's just that, I..
Ted: Why are you bringing any of this up? There's nothing between us anymore.
Robin: Well maybe there is! I mean, of course, there is, that kind of stuff just doesn't disappear without a trace. I'm not just another guest here, Ted.
Ted: Great. We used to date, but we've both moved on and look, we got what we wanted. I'm getting married, you got your dream job in Tokyo, and we live happily ever-
Robin: I quit my job.
Ted: What?
Robin: I'm moving back to New York. I thought I wanted that job, but I want to come back to my real life, and I think you should go back to yours.
Ted: What does that supposed to mean?
Robin: Don't get married. Look you're rushing into this, it's like you're trying to skip ahead to the end of the book. Ted, you're the most romantic guy I know; you stole a blue French horn for me, you tried to make it rain-
Ted: I did make it rain.
Robin: It was a coincidence, but after all that, this is how your great romantic quest comes to an end? You're just disappearing into someone else's wedding, someone else's house, someone else's life without a second thought. That's not the amazing ending that you deserve. That's not Ted Mosby.
Ted: [after long pause] I love Stella, she's the one. You really feel that way, I guess it's a good thing you're not coming to the wedding after all. [storms out]

[Ted and Stella are arguing about whether New York or New Jersey is better]
Stella: Bruce Springsteen.
Ted: Sinatra.
Stella: Yeah, he's from Hoboken...New Jersey.
Ted: Yeah, but what city is he singing about? It's not Secaucus, Secaucus!

[Ted has a flashback about his old Wesleyan radio gig after Robin finds it in his resume]

[The gang checks out Robin's fan mail from Metro News 1]
Lily: Wow. You had more fans than I thought.
Ted: And only about 60% of them are prison inmates.
Robin: What are these guys thinking? I am WAY past my "dating prisoners" phase. I mean, hello, I'm not 19 anymore.