I don't need to see the scan. I can tell from your little puppy dog eyes that his pituitary's fine. Are you gonna say it or should I?
You were right about the steroids. You're a genius.
Next time with feeling.
S6 E13Moving the Chains
Hey, I don't care where an idea comes from, as long as it makes sense and embarrasses someone.
Okay, why don't you tell me my real evil plan.
I don't think there is an evil plan. You regret not having a relationship with your own family. And you don't want to see Foreman go down that same path. I think you're actually being nice.
Oh shut up! You can't accuse me of an opossum attack and underhanded kindness in the same visit.
Then I'll come back.
You're turning white.
GGlenda
What does that mean?
It means he doesn't need football to get a good job anymore.
You know why you're black?
DDaryl
Because God loves me more than he does you?
S6 E145 to 9
I was with your boytoy on a stakeout last night.
You were with Lucas?
He needed someone who could diagnose a soft tissue injury from across the street. Apparently he doesn't know any good doctors.
How's it going?
[calls Marina on her cell phone as she talks to Wilson] Got three hours to save this place from bankruptcy, I just fired one of my best employees, and the woman taking care of my sick child isn't returning my calls.
Rachel's gonna be fine, I'm sure whoever he or she is deserved it, and we're not going bankrupt. Are we?
Don't worry. The board will fire me before they allow that to happen.
They'd never fire you.
I just told Atlanticnet Insurance I'd terminate unless they gave us a 12% bump.
They might fire you.
What do you think I should do about Atlanticnet?
You're asking a guy who paid full sticker price for his last car. You ask House? He's a master manipulator who always gets what he wants.
This situation is out of control enough already. House is the last person I want to get involved.
They should be pressuring other hospitals to be more like us, not trying to make us more like them. It's stupid.
Putting your job on the line in an effort to stamp out stupidity isn't?
You would.
Probably. But then I also wanted to try to cure cancer by infecting a guy with malaria to win a $50 bet. You really want to be like me?
They're not going to fire you. And you're not going to quit.
Why not?
Because you're an idiot.
S6 E15Private Lives
What are you doing tonight?
Masturbating. I'd invite you, but people are already talking.
It's pathetic. You divide your nights between porn and the Discovery Channel.
Right. Playing Dance Dance Revolution is a much better choice.
You plan on doing any work today?
I thought I might do a little light doctoring in the afternoon.
[When Wilson invites Chase to go speed dating along with House]
You brought a date?
Wilson seemed to think it was a good idea.
You need to dive back into the pool.
And he has to swim in ours? You go to a bar, you bring your ugly friends.
It's not a beauty pageant.
Life is a beauty pageant. Little girls who kiss frogs expect them to turn into you.
Oh, come on. I'm not that good-looking.
Yeah, you are.
You kind of are.
So you attribute every relationship I've ever had to the height of my cheekbones?
Not the whole relationship. Just the beginning.
The rest is your hair.
[During speed dating]
I'm a diagnostician. I find out what's wrong with people, and I fix it.
MMelodie
Don't all doctors do that?
Yeah, but they can't dance like I can.
Because you're not ordinary, House. You're way out there on the fringe somewhere. I'm your best friend, and half the time I don't understand you. You're alone. Been alone your whole life.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.