Why are you pushing a crash cart?
Because patients sometimes crash, and they haven't yet invented a crash tractor for me to drive wildly around the hallways.
S5 E18Here Kitty
[House has just yelled at Kutner for leaving cat pee on his chair, but left without taking further action.]
Why are you still alive?
I'm not sure.
I think he was impressed you stood up to him. And that you got a cat to pee on his chair.
[meaningfully] Right. A cat.
[Kutner departs, leaving Thirteen flabbergasted as she realizes what may have actually happened.]
S5 E19Locked In
Hey, genius. I think it violates certain ethical laws to rip the organs out of a guy who's still alive. Possibly even certain law laws, too.
Your crash was 10 miles from the Orange County Progressive Pain Clinic.
You live 10 miles from Mary's Dress Shop. Yet that's not even on my list of reasons that I think you're secretly a transvestite.
[Lee is in the OR with Chase]
We're going to put you out, just so we can drill the hole.
LLee
[thinking] Oh, that's very thoughtful of you.
LLee
How come I'm not better? God's not supposed to work in trial and error.
God's mistakes are well-documented. If he'd done everything right the first time, there'd have been one plague and zero great floods.
The infection destroyed your liver which released toxins that caused the locked-in syndrome. You were dying of a paper cut.
S5 E20Simple Explanation
She claims he got stronger as soon as she stopped breathing.
The mind can heal the body. Seeing his wife in distress might have actually have slowed down his death.
Or he just had an adrenaline surge when he saw his chance to hit the singles' market.
I'm sorry. I've hired a grief counselor, whom I'm sure none of you will see. And I'm offering time off, which I'm sure none of you will take, but just know it's available.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Thanks. It's not my loss.
Then I'm sorry you don't think it is.
If he'd thought like me then he'd have known that living in misery sucks marginally less than dying in it.
[Mocking House for something similar he said earlier] Did you figure that out by taking off your sunglasses to the strains of a Who song?
S5 E21Saviors
How do you think House is doing?
That's why you're here?
Yeah.
No it isn't. Even if House is messed up by Kutner's suicide, wouldn't matter. He already thinks that life is nasty, brutish and long. And misery helps his diagnostic skills.
I'm losing my mind. All you gotta say is "good"?
House, a guy you worked with for two years, who you mentored, and... yes, possibly even cared about, just blew his brains out. You can't find the reason. You can't find the meaning in it because sometimes there isn't any. Sometimes... this is all there is. You should be losing it. You'd be crazy not to be off your game. But your mojo's right where you left it. Just... keep playing with it. I gotta go. [Gesturing to his food.] Help yourself.
[To Wilson] You manipulative bitch!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.