House Season 5 quotes

House

Your favor's repaid. Patient's cured. He's already packing for another Earth Day extravaganza next week.

Cameron

He almost died. Can't take a few days at home with his family?

House

People only change after trauma if they wanted to change before the trauma. Or if they watched too many after school specials.

Cameron

You're talking about Chase.

House

Talking about you. You lost husband number 1... No surprise the death of colleague would make you question another long term lease.

Cameron

You're teaching commitment classes. 'Cause I thought you were busy with your lecture...

House

[interrupts] I'm sure that was gonna be hysterical. Let me just give the cliffs notes. Don't try to dump him by dumping cases on me.

House

Absolutely. You want him to dump you. It's totally different, much less guilt. Either way, you're out of reasons to avoid him. Kutner was a pretty dumb one to begin with.

:[Leaning on House's piano] Solved another case. Busted Wilson... [to House's ear] Looks like you're not losing it after all.

Thirteen

Deaf 14-year-old started hearing imaginary explosions.

House

Exploding head syndrome. Cool. Well, obviously his brain knows how to hear.

Wilson

The main reason my third wife and I eloped was to avoid House's bachelor party... [Chase looks unimpressed] Have you seen Caligula?

House

[coming to Wilson for a consult] Is he telling you to avoid the party?

Wilson

I took an oath to do no harm.

House

Why aren't you in my office?

Wilson

Because I know what the word "my" means.

Taub

This tastes like... vodka.

House

Well, would be stupid if it tasted like bourbon.

House

See, the problem with speculation is, you make a spec out of you and some guy named "lation." Which doesn't really affect me at all.

Wilson

House, it's your only option.

House

What do I do if my only option won't work?

Wilson

You don't give up.

House

You can go suckle on the little bastard child who makes you feel good about yourself.

Cuddy

Screw you... [walks out]

House

[detoxing] Can you stop.. the breathing?

Cuddy

Air goes in, air goes out.

House

[with thermal pictures of Cuddy] She lied to me. Either last night or today and I need to find out which and why.

Wilson

[sarcastically] And clearly thermal imaging is the way.

House

[while on his cell phone with a patient] I'm sorry but I'm about to lose you because I'm about to drive into a tunnel in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up the phone.

Cuddy

This is beyond ass-hood! You have the luxury of not caring about your image, I do not! I can permit a lot of crap, but an employee shouting about his sexual exploits with me, no! That is zero tolerance! So congratulations, House, I am angry.

House

I was wondering if we should move in together.

Cuddy

[laughs] You're fired.

Taub

The deodorant has a high proportion of propylene glycol. Same stuff made a kid in Singapore develop a heart condition, and get this: seizures. Our patient may never have needed split-brain surgery.

House

[distracted] I'm sure he will half appreciate the irony.