Personally, I can't believe I've had the same three employees for three years.
S3 E22Resignation
My patient's about to have a heart attack, it's going to be massive.
Oh well, that's too bad because I just got tickets for a stroke on the third floor.
How did you walk with the cane and two coffees?
Why are you suspicious?
Because it's either that, or accept the fact that you've done something nice, and then I have to deal with the horsemen, and the rain of fire, and the end of days.
You think I spat in yours?
Or worse?
I stacked them.
[Flying on speed] Give me a Vicodin so I don't stroke.
[Dr. Wilson grabs a cup of coffee.]
I...wouldn't drink that.
[Dr. Wilson looks at him quizzically.]
Leg hurt and...[Points in general direction of bathroom, then at coffee, then shrugs. Wilson sighs exasperatedly.]
[Dr. House is proud for having diagnosed a protein deficiency on a patient, arguing "It can't be tested; it can't be seen"]
[Disgusted] You're happy about this.
She's going to die!
That's not my fault, she was going to die anyway. Now, thanks to me, at least she'll know why.
I'm sure you'll see that gratitude in her eyes when you tell her.
S3 E23The Jerk
Your head still hurt?
NNate
You a moron?
NSNate's Mom
Nate!
NNate
I'm clutching my head in pain and he asks if it hurts. [Turns to Dr. Chase] What are you, some kind of med student? You look like you still have themed birthday parties.
Kid's not a cliché. Anyone can get in a fight after losing. It takes real creativity to beat up someone you just beat.
[to Dr. Cuddy] Oh, almost forgot, I need to give a 16-year-old magic mushrooms to treat a cluster headache. That cool?
[sarcastically] Yeah, no problem.
[Dr. House smiles and walks out. Dr. Cuddy panics and runs out after him]
I was being sarcastic!
It wouldn't look that way in the court transcript.
[Nate is high on magic mushrooms prescribed by Dr. House]
NNate
[he looks at Dr. Chase and chuckles] Hey! Hey, it's Skippy! The Bush Kangaroo!
Your head, Nate, we need to know how the pain is.
NNate
What I got here... it's the opposite of pain.
Nate [to Dr. House, when he enters with the chess-board]: Who are you?
Doctor MacCaney!
S3 E24Human Error
Dr. House [to Dr. Chase]: You're fired.
Wha... what because I yelled at you?
Because you've been here the longest, learned all you can, or you haven't learned anything at all... either way, it's time for a change.
[Dr. House is defending his firing of Dr. Chase]
Sorry, you're in the wrong room. My name on the door, my team, my decisions.
My building, my floor, my people!
[Marina has just revived after her heart stopped a day ago]
MMarina
[weakly] Esteban?
EEsteban
Marina.
Holy crap...
MMarina
Is this Heaven?
No, it's New Jersey.
EEstaban
God sent you back to me! It's a miracle!
[House looks to the heavens in a pleading manner]
Other than a miracle it's the only other explanation for her symptoms.
How come God gets credit whenever something good happens?! Where was he when her heart stopped?
[After Cameron turns in her resignation letter to House]
I've gotten all I can from this job.
What do you expect me to do? Break down and apologize? Beg Chase to come back?
No, I expect you to do what you always do. I expect you to make a joke and go on. I expect you to be just fine. I'll miss you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.