HHenry
[about his daughter] I slept with her mom.
She probably knows that's happened already.
S2 E14Sex Kills
House, don't you think that's a little manipulative?
No, I think it's hugely manipulative.
We're going to cure her.
We're going to cure death?
[laughs like a mad scientist] Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! [normal voice] Doubt it.
RRonald
I assume House is a great doctor.
Why would you assume that?
RRonald
Because, uh, when you're that big a jerk you're either great or unemployed.
She's positive for gonorrhea.
I think that's the first time those words have been uttered in joy.
S2 E15Clueless
[to Dr. Wilson] Why do you wanna sleep on a couch anyway? You got money. At least until the divorce is finalized.
His wife arranged it for an anniversary present. And if you ask me, if two people really trust each other, a threesome once every seven years might actually help a marriage.
[Everyone looks stunned.]
Okay, I say we stop the DDX and discuss that comment.
MMaria
Marriages don't fail because couples get bored, they fail because while they're dating people pretend to be the person they think their partner wants and then, well, there's only so long you can keep that up.
You'd give your own wife herpes just to shift the blame?
He'd give his own mother herpes if it got him out of clinic duty.
He's gonna need a lung transplant...
He's becoming more attractive by the minute, isn't he?
Dr. Cameron You're pleased...You think you've proved every marriage is a mistake.
Do I look pleased?
Ignorance is bliss.
S2 E16Safe
Cuddy called.
I know. Saw the caller ID.
Young girl, anaphylactic shock.
You answered?
Turns out that's what stops the ringing.
These are your big ideas? Somebody's lying?
Hasn't let me down yet.
Test was negative, no semen allergy.
Boyfriend sneaks in to get his freak on the night before the anaphylaxis. I don't buy that it's unrelated.
He loves her. Did everything he could to make sure she wouldn't get sick.
[looking puzzled] What does that mean?
Love is an emotion certain people experience, similar to happiness. [smiles] You know, maybe I should give a more relatable example.
Oh, snap!
Everything sucks. Might as well find something to smile about.
[House is searching frantically through Melinda's hair for a tick]
Except that ticks aren't usually invisible.
They are until you FIND THEM! [holds up comb triumphantly] No, that's dandruff. Okay, well, that wasn't nearly as dramatic as I'd hoped. It just means that next time'll be even better!
[...]
[Cuddy, Wilson, and Melinda's parents burst through the elevator doors, only to see House searching for a tick with his head between her legs.]
LLewis
You sick, miserable...! [He rushes into the elevator]
What are you doing?
BBarbara
Oh my god!
Wait!
[The father has House pinned to the back of the elevator. House hold up his hand to reveal the elusive tick]
See? Told you it'd be more dramatic.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.