As your lawyer, I can't stop you from lying, I can't even be in the room, but I would be remiss if I didn't prep you to lie better.
S2 E8The Mistake
I need to talk to you.
From the doorway?
It's confidential.
Cool. I love gossip.
If Chase screwed up so badly, why didn't you fire him?
He has great hair.
What are you hiding?
I'm gay. Oh, that's not what you meant. It does explain a lot, though: no girlfriend, always with Wilson, obsession with sneakers...
Five grand. And that's just ante money; after the surgery you'll get another fifteen, though I warn you that includes the tip.
ADr. Ayersman
[Laughs] I make six hundred grand a year. You think I'm going to risk tanking my percentages for twenty thousand?!
It's tax free.
ADr. Ayersman
For the record, I hope the department takes you and Chase and drop kicks both your asses out the back door.
Great, that means I don't have to bother welshing on the other fifteen grand I would have owed you. If you don't do the surgery I'm going to tell your wife that you've been sleeping with a series of nurses, currently Nurse Cutler in Radiology. Now what's six hundred-thousand divided by two?
[...]
Oh, and for the record, you are the worst transplant surgeon in this hospital. But, unfortunately, you are the only one who's currently cheating on his wife.
S2 E9Deception
[A woman collapses onto the floor]
Is anybody here a doctor?
Chase killed that woman, now Foreman's in charge?
Yeah, we have a pecking order here, if Cameron kills somebody, Chase takes over. There's a flow chart in the lobby.
Work smart, not hard. That's my philosophy, boss.
[To a patient who's been using strawberry jelly as a spermicide, and got an infection from it] You probably shouldn't have sex for a while.
How long?
On an evolutionary basis, I'd recommend forever.
[While searching Anica's house] She's got an appointment with her ophthalmologist on Tuesday and an appointment with her gynecologist on Thursday. Multiple appointments with multiple doctors... symptom of Munchausen's.
Or - just thinking outside the box here - she has a vagina and trouble reading.
S2 E10Failure to Communicate
In one of his books he talked about giving up drugs and alcohol, how it changes life.
[imitating House] Everybody lies.
MRI show anything?
CT scan was negative.
CT... that's like, short for MRI, right? Excellent, well I guess that saves us a lot of time.
We've got an MRI scheduled in twenty minutes. Earliest Foreman could get the machine.
I teach you to lie and cheat and steal...and as soon as my back is turned, you wait in line?
Do you know your phone's dead? Do you ever recharge the batteries?
They recharge? I just keep buying new phones.
Our relationship is like an addiction. It's... like...
Really good drugs?
No, it's like... vindaloo curry.
Okay, sure...
Really, really hot Indian curry they make with red chili peppers.
I know what it is! Didn't think it was addictive.
You're abrasive and annoying and come on way too strong, like... vindaloo curry. When you're crazy about curry, that's fine, but, no matter how much you love curry, you have too much of it, it takes the roof of your mouth off. And then you never want to see curry for a really, really long time, but you wake up one day, and you think... God, I really miss curry.
Tell me... if it is your aim to sell me the same crazy ideas as House does, how are you an improvement on House?
I... brought you a coffee?
S2 E11Need to Know
[about Stacy] This isn't just going to go away.
No, but maybe you will.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.