Allison Cameron quotes from House

Dr. Cameron

Why is he here instead of the VA?

Dr. House

Because he has a rich uncle Cuddy's trying to avoid fellating who doesn't buy the VA's diagnosis of "nothing's wrong-atosis."

Dr. House

Do a full physical. Recheck his blood for HIV, hep C, malaria, schistosomiasis, and T strain A. baumannii just to make sure the VA's dotted their I's. And find out every hospital and clinic he's ever visited, every city he's ever lived in, and... whether he's ever been on TV.

Dr. Cameron

TV?

Dr. House

Problem could be neurological. Everyone knows TV rots your brain.

Dr. Foreman

This is definitely different.

Dr. Chase

It looks almost like...

Dr. Cameron

...he's caring.

Dr. House

Any you guys ever been to the Galapagos?

Dr. Foreman

Was our patient there? Dengue fever, Avian pox, even West Nile.

Dr. House

No, I'm looking for a vacation spot.

Dr. Chase

That mean we get vacation?

Dr. House

How would that differ from your current status?

Dr. Cameron

You're going to do what? Relax?

Dr. House

Visiting family, my uncle's a giant turtle.

Dr. Cameron

I have read the outcome of mirror syndrome is almost always unfavorable.

Dr. House

Unfavorable... is that doctor-speak for "dead baby"?

Dr. Cameron

He went home!

Dr. House

Work smart, not hard.

Dr. Cameron

Flames?

Dr. House

Makes it look like I'm going fast.

Dr. Foreman

[Disgusted] You're happy about this.

Dr. Cameron

She's going to die!

Dr. House

That's not my fault, she was going to die anyway. Now, thanks to me, at least she'll know why.

Dr. Chase

I'm sure you'll see that gratitude in her eyes when you tell her.

Dr. Cameron

Other than a miracle it's the only other explanation for her symptoms.

Dr. House

How come God gets credit whenever something good happens?! Where was he when her heart stopped?

Dr. Cameron

I've gotten all I can from this job.

Dr. House

What do you expect me to do? Break down and apologize? Beg Chase to come back?

Dr. Cameron

No, I expect you to do what you always do. I expect you to make a joke and go on. I expect you to be just fine. I'll miss you.

Dr. Taub

[asking if Dobson isn't a doctor] You said one of us wasn't a doctor, and you called him a fraud.

Dr. House

He's not a doctor. Continue, Bos.

Could be an STD...

Dr. Taub

Why isn't he fired?

Dr. House

[starts randomly pressing buttons on the phone] Oh, you're breaking up! I'm going into a tunnel. Dark Religious Nut,...

[surprised] What did you call me?

Dr. House

I'm sorry. What do you people want to be called this week?

Cole.

Dr. House

Well, I'm never going to remember that. Take Bosley and the other visible minorities to the funeral home. The rest of you young, white people - the world is your oyster. An MRI with contrast, EEG, LP and blood panel. And Angels, be careful. [hangs up]

Dr. Cameron

[about Dr. Cole] Just because he's religious, doesn't mean he won't kick your ass.

Dr. House

You wanna bet?

Dr. Cameron

No, I want you to stop being such a jerk to him.

Dr. House

One hundred dollars.

Dr. House

Smart call. That guy's a wuss. He'll be the next one on the train.

Dr. Cameron

Define "kick your ass".

Dr. House

Any physical confrontation...

Dr. Cameron

...Or verbal.

Dr. House

Define "verbal".

Dr. Cameron

Anything over... 70 decibels. And you can't start suddenly being nice to him!

Dr. House

You realize what you're encouraging here?

Dr. Cameron

[smiles] Yeah, someone kicking your ass.

Dr. Cameron

[After winning a $100 bet] Cash will be fine.

Dr. House

I bet you say that to all the guys.

Dr. Cameron

When - when you were dying, you tried to infect me, because you knew I'd fight for you if I thought I was dying, too.

Dr. Foreman

You're bringing this up now so I'll forgive you for messing with my patient?

Dr. Cameron

I'm happy I changed jobs. But, I know I'll never have that sort of... excitement.

Dr. Foreman

You miss people trying to kill you?

Dr. Cameron

No, I miss people doing whatever it takes to get the job done. [slight pause, Foreman nods] I guess that's why I'm having trouble giving it up.

So, before you worked here in the ER you worked for House, right?

Dr. Cameron

Three and a half years.

Why did you leave?

Hey, I - I don't want to be on TV. I'm not signing a release.

We'll blur you out.

Dr. Cameron

[to the patient] Take off your pants.

[to the director] Will you be able to use any of this if I start swearing?

Did House treat you as badly as he treats his current fellows?

Dr. Cameron

Loaded question.

Faaaarrrkk! [chuckles] That's not even a word. [giggles] Fork!

[sarcastically] Very clever.

Dr. Cameron

I learned how to be a doctor from House. Or, at least a doctor who learned how to be a doctor from House, if that makes any sense.

And you left his team because... you couldn't stand him anymore?

Dr. Cameron

[distracted] No, no, I - I love Dr. House.

[surprised] Now that's something we haven't heard.

Dr. Cameron

I mean, [slight pause] what did you ask me, again?

Why you left.

Dr. Cameron

[confused, stuttering] I - I loved being... around him. Professionally, you know he was always... stimulating [realising what she just said] - not in the erotic sense of the word!

[giggling] Fork. They forked. And then they spooned.

Dr. Cameron

I am not giving you cable; you're gonna have to somehow survive with broadcast networks alone.

Dr. House

I'll be fine on Tuesdays...