Dr. Lisa Cuddy quotes from House

House

I was with your boytoy on a stakeout last night.

Cuddy

You were with Lucas?

House

He needed someone who could diagnose a soft tissue injury from across the street. Apparently he doesn't know any good doctors.

Wilson

How's it going?

Cuddy

[calls Marina on her cell phone as she talks to Wilson] Got three hours to save this place from bankruptcy, I just fired one of my best employees, and the woman taking care of my sick child isn't returning my calls.

Wilson

Rachel's gonna be fine, I'm sure whoever he or she is deserved it, and we're not going bankrupt. Are we?

Cuddy

Don't worry. The board will fire me before they allow that to happen.

Wilson

They'd never fire you.

Cuddy

I just told Atlanticnet Insurance I'd terminate unless they gave us a 12% bump.

Wilson

They might fire you.

Cuddy

What do you think I should do about Atlanticnet?

Wilson

You're asking a guy who paid full sticker price for his last car. You ask House? He's a master manipulator who always gets what he wants.

Cuddy

This situation is out of control enough already. House is the last person I want to get involved.

Cuddy

They should be pressuring other hospitals to be more like us, not trying to make us more like them. It's stupid.

House

Putting your job on the line in an effort to stamp out stupidity isn't?

Cuddy

You would.

House

Probably. But then I also wanted to try to cure cancer by infecting a guy with malaria to win a $50 bet. You really want to be like me?

House

They're not going to fire you. And you're not going to quit.

Cuddy

Why not?

House

Because you're an idiot.

Cuddy

I just want us to be friends.

House

Funny. That's the last thing I want us to be.

House

Crush syndrome is basically a buildup of potassium. If we remove potassium...

Cuddy

We're already treating with sodium bicarbonate.

House

But not with glucose and Insulin. Glucose in the Kit. There's gotta be a diabetic here somewhere.

Cuddy

You wanna dose the Insulin here in a non-hospital setting? That is insane! It's not worth it.

House

Really? 'Cause I think I'm the only one here who knows what a leg is worth. And fortunately, you're not the one in charge--he is. And he knows that I'd testify against him if Hanna sues for cutting off a leg without exhausting every option.

Cuddy

[to fireman] Give us a minute. [To House] I know you're angry, but please don't put her life at risk just to get back at me.

House

Really? Wow. So this is all about you now.

Cuddy

You took her side against me right after you heard about my engagement.

House

Yeah. That must be it. It's not that you're a pathetic narcissist.

Cuddy

I don't love you. So just... Accept it and move on with your life instead of making everyone miserable.

House

That's great. A life lesson from a middle-aged single mom who's dating a man-child.

Cuddy

Screw you. I'm sick of making excuses for you. I'm sick of other people having to tiptoe around you and make their own lives worse while they try to keep you from collapsing. I'm done.

House

Fantastic. Just stay away from my patient.

Cuddy

What are you clinging to, House? You're gonna to risk her life just to save her leg? Really worked out well for you, didn't it? What do you have in your life, honestly? Tell me. I'm moving on. Wilson is moving on. And you... You've got nothing, House. Nothing. I'm going down there, and I'm gonna convince her to let me cut her leg off. If you have any decency left, you'll just stay out of it.

Cuddy

I ended it.

House

What?

Cuddy

I'm stuck, House. I keep wanting to move forward, I keep wanting to move on, and I can't. I mean, my new house, with my new fiancé, and all I can think about is you. I just need to know if you and I can work.

House

You think I can fix myself?

Cuddy

I don't know.

House

'Cause I'm the most screwed up person in the world.

Cuddy

I know. I love you. I wish I didn't. But I can't help it.

Cuddy

Just let him in.

House

No! He's like a stray... he'll eat everything, shed all over the place, and crap on the floor.

Cuddy

I really do have to leave.

House

I know.

Cuddy

Then what's the problem?

House

This isn't going to work.

Cuddy

....that's it? You can't just say that and shut up.

House

It's just a statement of fact, it's not a debatable proposition.

Cuddy

Right...because you can see the future.

House

No, but I can see the past and you're going to remember all the horrible things I've done and try to convince yourself that I've changed and I'm going to start doing those horrible things again because I haven't changed...then you'll realize that I'm an insane choice for someone who has a kid. And from there it's a short step to the inevitable conclusion that all of this...was a mistake. Tell me any of that isn't true.

Cuddy

The only time you're afraid is when you're happy. You just don't expect it to last.

House

'Cause it doesn't.

Cuddy

You don't know that.

House

I've done horrible things to you. And I'll do horrible things again, to you. Because of one stupid moment with a dying girl in a pile of rubble, you think I can change. Tell me where I'm wrong.

Cuddy

I don't want you to change. I know you're screwed up. I know you are always going to be screwed up. But you're the most incredible man I've ever known. You are always going to be the most incredible man I have ever known. So, unless you're breaking up with me, I am going home now.

House

I love you.

Wilson

I've been more passionate with my great-aunt.

House

Mabel? Up high!

Cuddy

We done here?

House

She didn't even ask me to cough. [To Cuddy] I think you straightened out my limp.

Cuddy

HR can't find you a new supervisor.

House

How come?

Cuddy

Because you're unsuperviseable, House. Two department chairs threatened to quit.

Cuddy

You used a 3 million dollar piece of hospital equipment so you could read a novel?

House

Cool, right?

Cuddy

Well, as your girlfriend, I'm impressed. As your boss, you're a jackass. Don't do it again.

House

As your boyfriend, I thank you. As your employee, I resent you because I need this for my case.

Cuddy

As your boss, you just got six more clinic hours next week.

House

[to Cuddy] Just because my sausage has been filling your bun doesn't mean you get to decide what flavor chips I nosh on during the day.

Cuddy

Nope, I get to do that because I'm your boss.