Dr. Lisa Cuddy quotes from House

House

How mad would you be if I fired Masters?

Dr. Cuddy

Very. Unless you had cause. Real cause. Cause that a human being would consider cause.

House

Never mind, then.

Dr. Cuddy

You'll figure something out. The two of you have a combined IQ north of 300.

House

That's also true of five morons.

Cuddy

Wilson.

House

It's uh, bowling night. He'll never forgive me if I don't. Oh, screw it. I'm coming.

Cuddy

No, no. no. I am not going to be responsible for that. You drugged the man, you go bowling with him.

House

Well, my chances of sex are considerably lower with Wilson.

Cuddy

I asked you before why you were tough on me.

I wasn't.

Cuddy

You were. And I know why. You see something in me that you didn't see in Julia and you didn't see in you — a type of ambition, a type of brains. That's why you rode me. You made me yearbook editor, summa undergrad, A.O.A. in med school. The only time I ever see light in your eyes is when you hear me talking about my job. The reason you keep coming to see me in the clinic is because you trust me. You trust my medical judgment. So here it is. If you transfer to Princeton General, you'll be treated well, and you'll die. If you stay here with House, you'll be treated badly, but you'll live. I don't care if I have to slash the tires of every ambulance in this bay, Mom. I am not letting you leave my hospital.

Cuddy

I just need some time alone.

House

Because I used your toothbrush?!

Cuddy

And you didn't take out the trash.

House

That's insane. You know that, right?

Cuddy

You do whatever you want. Always.

House

I said I was sorry! I was still half asleep. I wasn't paying attention!

Cuddy

And you're always right. And not only do always think you're right. But you are actually always right, because that's all that matters.

House

That doesn't even make sense. What, you want me to be wrong?

Cuddy

I want you to care about more than just what you want. What you think. You need me, House. And you may even love me, but you don't care about me, and I deserve someone who does.

Cuddy

House! I assume you're avoiding me because of the charity gala.

House

This Friday? It's completely slipped my mind.

Cuddy

So you'll be there?

House

No, I meant it slipped my mind to tell you I'm not going.

Cuddy

What do you think it'll look like if you don't show up when I get an award?

House

Like I don't give a crap about awards, charities, what it looks like.

Cuddy

If you ever want…

House

I RSVPed two days ago. What, you think I'm a complete ass?

Cuddy

If you were already going, why did you…

House

Foreplay.

Wilson

Looking forward to Friday night?

Cuddy

Yes and no. Yes, because it is a great honor, and no because… Well, you know the because.

Wilson

You think House is going to embarrass you.

Cuddy

Well, not intentionally. [glances at Wilson] Maybe intentionally.

House

[knocks repeatedly on Cuddy's door until she opens it] We really, really need to talk.

Cuddy

You're drunk and you screwed up big time. Go home! [House walks in, Cuddy closes the door] You completely disappeared on me! You wouldn't even answer your cell phone.

House

You're going to want to sit down for this. [motions toward the sofa] Go ahead. Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit. I have made a decision. Being happy and being in love with you makes me a crappy doctor.

Cuddy

Shut up. You're too drunk to end this relationship.

House

I am drunk, and I'm also right. You have made me a worse doctor, and people are going to die because of that. [long pause] And you are totally worth it. If I had to choose between saving everyone or loving you and being happy, I choose you. I choose being happy with you. I will always choose you. [sits in the sofa, lays his head down in Cuddy's lap]

Cuddy

Did you actually wake up early and hide under the bed just to scare the crap outta me?

House

Set an alarm and everything.

Cuddy

It's like dating a ten-year-old.

House

God, I hope not.

Chase

Do you want me to quote from First Corinthians? 'Cause I can do that.

Cuddy

As a Jew, I'm gonna have to decline that offer.

Chase

Don't know what you're missing. St. Paul was really on his game.

Cuddy

You took Vicodin. When you came to my hospital room that night, you were stoned.

House

How did you know?

Cuddy

How did I not know? How did I make myself forget for months that you're an addict? My sub-conscious was trying to tell me you could never get through this without drugs.

House

It was a one time thing.

Cuddy

It's not about the pills, House. It's about what they mean.

House

I was scared because I thought my girlfriend might die.

Cuddy

No. You don't take Vicodin because you're scared. You take it so you won't feel pain. Everything you've ever done is to avoid pain; drugs, sarcasm, keeping everybody at arm's length so no one can hurt you.

House

As opposed to everyone else in the world who goes looking for pain like it's buried treasure?

Cuddy

Pain happens when you care. You can't love someone without making yourself open to their problems, their fears, and you're not willing to do that.

House

I came -- I came to be with you.

Cuddy

You weren't with me. Not really.

House

I wanted to be.

Cuddy

That's not enough.

House

I can do better.

Cuddy

I don't think you can. You'll choose yourself over everybody else over and over again because that's just who you are. [strokes House's face] I'm sorry.

House

No, no, no. Don't don't.

Cuddy

I thought I could do this.

House

Don't, don't. Please don't.

Cuddy

Goodbye, House.

Wilson

[about House] He needs you.

Cuddy

I love him. And I know he loves me. But I just can't.

Wilson

He needs you in his life. Even if you're not sleeping with him, he needs you. Without you...

Cuddy

You can't go backwards. I can't fix his problem. I am his problem.

Cuddy

I think maybe you're looking for something that can excite you. Fill a void. And it's affecting your judgement.

House

You're right. I am. But my damaged, depressed, drug-addled judgment is still better than yours or any other doctor's in this hospital. And my team is going to do this procedure and save his life. So you can either have security arrest me and my team or you can get the hell out of my way. [He pauses and watches her face] And she caves.

Wilson

[about House] He's gone too far. He's taking up six handicapped spaces with a monster truck.

Cuddy

It's only four, and he's gonna get rid of it after the wedding.

Wilson

And the chapel… He's turned the chapel into his own personal catering hall.

Cuddy

Who cares? Other than a janitor sleeping off a bender, he's the first person to use it in two weeks.

Wilson

Appeasement is never the answer in the face of naked aggression. It won't be long before his tanks are rolling down your Champs-Elysees.

Cuddy

I know what House is doing. You, on the other hand… why do you care? He isn't hurting anyone.

Wilson

[walks to the chair in front of Cuddy's desk and sits down with his arms crossed over his chest] You're the first boss he's ever had who could handle him. Before you, he was either fired or buried under a mountain of malpractice suits. He needs someone to say no. He needs someone he'll listen to, when they say no. If you really care about House, you'll stop feeling sorry for him and get out there and start kicking him where he needs kicking.

Cuddy

My mother's lawyer called. She's threatening to sue the hospital over our mistreatment of her. Says it slowed her recovery.

House

You know, I was just thinking how much I want a relationship with no sex, but where I still have to deal with your mother.