James Wilson quotes from House

Wilson

You're an ass.

House

What, for trying to walk on a freshly mangled leg? Performing surgery on myself? For thinking I could solve my emotional problems with rat medicine? If you're gonna nag, at least have the decency to be specific.

Wilson

You're forging my name on prescriptions again.

House

No. What you just said implies that I stopped at some point.

Dr. Wilson, I need your advice. Um, I bet House $100 that I wouldn't get fired after my disciplinary hearing. Ever since then he's been acting like he's actually trying to get me fired.

Dr. James Wilson

That's because he is actually trying to get you fired.

Does he hate me?

Wilson

I'm not sure that's relevant to the equation.

So it's really over $100.

Wilson

I'm not sure the amount is relevant. He's fighting for his honor.

He'll ruin my career!

Wilson

I'm not sure that's...

What if I bet him $200 I WILL get fired?

Wilson

He sees competing bets from the same person a disgrace to the game. He'll be even more motivated to beat you.

If you were me, what would you do?

Wilson

You have to give him something he values more than honor. And you should update your resume.

Foreman

What's House up to? He hasn't asked me for anything. He's been incredibly well behaved. He's doing his clinic hours.

Wilson

That is a sign of concern.

House

You're right.

Wilson

You don't even know what I said.

House

That is ridiculous. Blah blah blah blah blah deaf ears. Blah blah blah blah blah blah. Absolutely essential information.

Foreman

Which means it's too late for me to back down. It's no longer my choice. It's just me - telling me he can get away with anything... I have to send him to prison.

Wilson

Your job is to keep this machine running. It's your choice to make House a useful tool or a monkey wrench. Cuddy's way didn't fail because she didn't try to control House, she managed him. She knew better than anybody what a tool he could be.

House

I need to DDX a patient with you.

Wilson

I thought you had a team for that.

House

According to Foreman, they're only for DDXing people who are still alive.

Wilson

...You have a dead patient?

House

Bigotry is boring when we add modifiers. I don't see creed, color, pulse.

Wilson

You're an addict. And I'm an idiot for thinking your addictions were limited to pills, anti-social behavior and sarcasm.

House

[belches] Sorry Vicodin repeating on me.

Wilson

You're also addicted to puzzles. You show all the classic behaviors: lying, neglecting responsibilities, and you can't stop - no matter how devastating the consequences.

Wilson

Two people are happy, and your natural impulse is to destroy it.

House

How do you know she's happy? Did she tell you?

Wilson

No, chirping birds flew out of her butt carrying a banner.

House

How I miss the sweet smell of stickin' it to the man.

Wilson

Adams is right. You're protecting this girl.

House

No, I was wrong. It's the stench of moralizing.

House

How long are you going to wait until you tell me?

Wilson

I thought we already had the Santa Claus talk.

Wilson

House?

House

Shhhh. I'm with a patient.

House

Sleep study.

Wilson

You drugged him?

House

I didn't say the study was voluntary.

Wilson

I've been avoiding you because you're an ass.

House

I've been an ass my whole life. I can't get rid of you.

Wilson

You can get rid me of now. Just turn and limp away.

House

Huh. Your whiny righteousness has the stench of sincerity.

House

Every little girl wants a pony till they have to clean up after it.

Wilson

You think I'm going to quit on this? On an 11-year-old?

House

The only relationship you haven't quit on has been me.

Wilson

Hmm. A needy, truculent narcissist. I think it's been perfect training for parenthood.

House

The sound of a needy child is stirring your paternal juices.

Wilson

The sound of a needy child at 112 decibels has stirred my inner murderer. Don't mess with me.