Gregory House quotes from House

Dr. House

Guilt is irrelevant.

Dr. House

[To Nick and Matty's parents] You have only one decision to make. You can leave here with one dead son, or two.

Dr. House

Personally, I can't believe I've had the same three employees for three years.

Dr. House

Kid's not a cliché. Anyone can get in a fight after losing. It takes real creativity to beat up someone you just beat.

Dr. House

Doctor MacCaney!

Dr. House

You test drive a car before you buy it; you have sex before you get married. I can't hire a team based on a ten minute interview. What if I don't like having sex with them?

Dr. House

[Speaks while strumming his guitar] Sometimes, I am wrong. I have a gift for observation, for reading people and situations, but sometimes, I am wrong. This will be the longest job interview of your life. I will test you in ways that you will often consider unfair, demeaning and illegal, and you'll often be right. Look to your left, and now look to your right. By the end of six weeks, one of you will be gone, as well as twenty-eight more of you. Wear a cup. [Plays a chord]

Dr. House

Actual magic is oxymoronic. [pause] Might not even be oxy.

Dr. House

You have three choices in life: be good, get good or give up. You've gone for column D. [Turns to the patient] Why? [Patient sighs] The simple answer is "If you don't try, you can't fail".

Dr. House

The notion of picking one time of year to be decent to other people is obscene because it's actually validating the notion of being miserable wretches the rest of the year.

Dr. House

Who thinks niceness is not a symptom? [Dr. Foreman, Dr. Kutner, Dr. Taub and Thirteen put their hands up] And who thinks that their vote counts? [Dr. House puts his hand up]

House

People die! You, Amber, everyone. Don't act like you just figured that out. I gave you a diagnosis. You don’t like it, there are exits on every floor.

House

Almost dying changes nothing. Dying changes everything.

House

[looks at Foreman after the patient hallucinated that House was going to chop her head off] Hallucination. That's a brain thing, right?

House

People should not be testing drugs because they're desperate. But, people won't test drugs unless they're desperate. We need drugs to save children and puppies, ergo we need desperate people, ergo welfare kills sick children.