[Cameron has just approved a likely-unnecessary medical procedure for House's patient, and House is trying to figure out why.]
HouseSome people thought you were gonna be brutal. Marking your territory.
House
Nobody. Just because I call him 'nobody' doesn't make me a racist.
I am not gonna play games. If you come to me with a request and it makes medical sense, I'll say yes.
House
I need oral sex. [Cameron stares at House.] Pretty sure biological imperative qualifies as medical sense.
Can I return my phone call now?
House
I don't really see how that's gonna be possible.
Yeah, that makes sense too.
House
"Too"?
I was thinking you actually feel guilty about taking her away from her baby, but your explanation's good too. It's completely inconsistent with your character, but... whatever.
House
Thank you, Rationalization Man. You have saved the village!
Oh, yeah. God wants life to have meaning, life's meaningless without free will, with free will there's always suffering, so... God wants suffering. I got tired of that argument before I even finished saying it. And even if I brought that, the hell is God doing? Y'know, just the big stuff? The Acts of God, the hurricanes, the earthquakes, the random killings of millions of innocent people? Yeah, we better damn pray.
[Beat.]
House
God, I wish you weren't a pedophile.
House
Why do the Lord's work if the Lord has left the building?
I've been with the Church my entire adult life. It's my only marketable skill.
House
I detect a stink of leftover faith.
You wanna talk hypocrisy? What about you? You act like you don't care about anyone but here you are, saving lives...
House
Solving puzzles... Saving lives is just collateral damage.
Yeah, nice try. I don't think you're not looking for somebody to prove you right. I think you're looking for somebody to prove you wrong. To give you hope. You wanna believe, don't you?
House
[pause] Yeah, I wanna walk out and find myself in a forest of whore trees. But I don't think it's a good idea to tell people to go fornicate with fruit.
Raising a child on her own is scary. She's just doing what you do, what everyone does: Trying to avoid pain.
House
Religion is not the opiate of the masses. Religion is the placebo of the masses. You're saying that she's not a hypocrite.
I'm not. I'm trying to give you a rational reason to overlook her hypocrisies so you don't feel like a hypocrite for going.
House
Oh sorry, continue.
Okay. Even if an absolute truth exists, we can't know all of it. And you can't condemn her for recognizing that.
[After a pause House starts covering the symptoms with a file]
Are you eliminating symptoms?
House
I can't know everything.
This is medicine not metaphysics.
House
Truth is truth. [Erases "Hallucination" off the board] It fits.
It doesn't fit. You can't eliminate a symptom.
House
I can if it's not a symptom.
House
Not a symptom. [walks out]
House
[to Cuddy] I think my penis stopped breathing. Do you know CPR?
Looks like your brain is okay. Pupils are equal, round and reactive.
House
I'm fine... other than the fact that my nurples are now purple. [Glares at Foreman then says to Thirteen] No wonder you broke up with him. I'm surprised yours are still attached. By the way, I can see that from here.
[House is puking into a bin]
House
Okay, I admit it. I have bulimia. I look good, though, don't I?
Heroin. Heroin?! House, of all the stupid...
House
I'm not on heroin.
I just caught you with your fingers down your throat.
House
I'm on methadone. Stupid product, heroin without the high.
Yea, and twice the risk of death.
House
No risk of arrest.
House
Today was a fluke, I nodded off.
Right, you're safe as long as you never sleep again. Mistime your dose, you die. Couple of drinks, you die. Mix it with the wrong drugs, you die. You wanna detox from Vicodin, pick something that won't kill you.
House
I'm not detoxing.
If you're looking for something to help with your pain...
House
Doesn't help my pain. It eliminates it.
[He throws his cane into a dumpster, and walks away]
House
My leg doesn't hurt anymore.
[House walks off into the distance without limping]
House
People don't get personal with you, except for me. And you dismiss me for a jerk who's jerking you around. But that guy can only tell the truth. And he prefers your body to that of a smoking young hottie.
So that was your way of saying I look good today?
House
You don't get the slightest kick out of that?
Don't be ridiculous House.
[House leaves. Cuddy smiles as the elevator door closes]
House
My patient has a quality of life issue.
He says awful things. Hardly a medical condition.
House
When he leaves here, he's going to lose his family. He's going to alienate the people he works with. And if he ever finds a friend who's willing to put up with his crap, he'll be lucky. 'Til he drives them away too.
[thinks for moment] I'll see what I can do.
House · 896 quotes
