Fernando quotes from Hell's Kitchen

What I have here is a grilled hickory-rubbed watermelon.

Seriously? You had forty-five minutes to make me anything, and you grill me a slice of fucking melon?

Yes, chef.

The rub doesn't work. I'm disappointed, it's underwhelming! One! (to Fernando) Okay, young man, could you take your glasses off for one minute? How old are you?

Twenty-eight.

Stop! Harry Potter looks older! [audience laughs] Jesus, are you on a diet?

It's enough.

It's enough?!

It's enough.

[laughs along with the audience and contestants] For you or me?

Oh, shit!

Okay, so what's the dish?

Pan-seared pigeon, chef, with a sweet potato purée and a California fig and balsamic reduction.

You cooked the squab beautifully. Purée's just absolutely sublime. Congratulations, four.

Thank you, chef.

Blue team! I cannot take ONE MORE MISTAKE!

Yes, chef!

GET IT TOGETHER!

Yes, chef!

(interview) I still believe my team can do it. I believe we're gonna do it!

Halibut!

Walking!

Holy fuck! ALL OF YOU, COME HERE!

Yes, chef.

Fucking halibut's raw and cold.

That was my fault chef.

Yeah, FUCK off. [angrily throws the halibut away; points to every member of the Blue team] You, you, you, you, you, you and you FUCK OFF! GET OUT. GET OUT!

Blue team! Two halibut, two lamb!

Walking with the halibut!

Lamb walking!

[to Gordon as he brings fish to the pass] Two halibut.

Lamb! [Sterling doesn't respond] No answer. LAMB!!

Lamb is one minute off! It's too rare, chef!

One minute off?! Oh my God!

That was too rare, but I got one! I got one ready! By the time I cut this, I'll be ready!

Go! COME ON!

(to Sterling) If it's not good, don't slice it.

It's good!

Wait, check. Check it. Check first. It's raw! Don't slice it more! Just put it back!

(interview; facepalms) Oh, no. What have I done now, man?

(to Sterling) Hey, you! FUCK-WIT! Come here, you! Get me the fucking lamb! Get me the lamb!

Fuck.

ALL OF YOU, COME HERE!! HURRY UP, FERNANDO! [places raw lamb next to the halibut] Look how we are reverting to cooking.

Fuck! [slams fist]

[throws fish onto the floor] SHIT!! HEY, ALL OF YOU! CAN YOU SLOW IT DOWN AND GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER?!

Yes, chef!

The Italian Consule, they told me the calamari are raw and got no flavor.

Raw calamari, fucking hell. Unbelievable, ALL OF YOU, STOP! ALL OF YOU! Have I got news for you, raw fucking calamari. Touch them, raw. Yeah, raw calamari.

(interview) Ashley, what is happening? Undercooked? Seriously?

That's from the Italian Consulate table. WHAT IS GOING ON? WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! (to Sterling) Any ideas now? All of you, get out! Just leave me alone! Get out! GET FUCKING OUT!

(interview) Again? Fuck me!

GET OUT!! PATHETIC! GET OUT!!

(interview) From what I've seen so far, the Red team is kind of a let down for me, it's just ridiculous.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Last ticket! Come on guys, MOVE!

Alright, garnish is walking!

Okay.

Going up with steaks?

Behind you. [brings his steaks to the pass]

Here we go, story of the night. Tagliatelle? (to Aaron) Give me a fucking time, you.

Thirty seconds chef.

Thirty seconds.

(interview) I don't here any more yelling over there in the Red team which means the girls just got kicked out so we have to close this service down.

Behind, two tag. [brings his tagliatelle to the pass]

Oh, my God man. That is extraordinary. Happy now?

Yes, chef!

(to Steve) Yeah, fuck it. You start slow, he (Frank) sends raw food, clear down.

Yes, chef.

On order, and obviously not away, two risotto, two scallops.

Heard chef!

Scallops are not going to be a problem today.

Fernando on the fish station...

Why are you seasoning the scallops?

I'm sorry, chef?

...has jumped the gun.

You fucking heard me! Why are you seasoning scallops? [Fernando doesn't answer] What a fucking idiot!

And Chef Ramsay has something to say about that.

All of you, come here.

(interview) Oh, fuck! Here we go.

I'm going to call out the orders and after the first show, we're going to start cooking. You're seasoning the scallops. Why?

I forgot about that.

You forgot? We haven't even started and you just forgot, just like that. Hey Blue team, fucking wake up will you?

Yes, chef.

Listen!

I will chef. Fuck!

I just, I don't fucking get it!

While Fernando...

Fucking muppet!

Begins dinner service already in the doghouse...

(to Gordon) Risotto, behind you!

[after touching the risotto and cutting into the lobster] Blue team!

Yes, chef!

COME HERE! Just touch that! Touch it!

Oh my God. That's from the fridge, man!

Hey, hey, team! Touch it!

Fucking cold. (interview) What the fuck is going on?! Aaron, how do you send a cold lobster?

Come on, Aaron.

You can't throw...

Scallops are undercooked.

...fucking lobster tail in!

Lobster's stone cold!

FUCK!

Come on, man! Just tell us what you need! How–how long?

(to Aaron) Put it on the burner, bro.

No, I don't have to, dude! You don't throw cold lobster tail in! (interview) Every time Bryant touches something on my station, it's fucked!

I didn't touch your lobster tail. Take ownership! I didn't–I put it in right here in your butter. (interview) Aaron can't cook to save his life! [to Aaron] Calm the fuck down, dude. (interview) That's how you wanna be a team? Alright, man. Fuck you! I'm not doing none of your shit now!

Halibut garnish!

Halibut garnish is coming! (to Aaron) Let's go! Wellington's in the window!

Beautifully cooked.

Thank you, chef. (to blue team) Come on, guys! We need those two halibut!

Right now, right now!

Let's go! (interview) Like, seriously, Aaron? Get your shit together! I am putting up meat that is perfect.

[sees Aaron running to the pass with halibut] Fucking hell. Come back, John, please. [separates the halibut and notices they're both raw in the center] Hey, blue team!

Yes, chef.

Fuck!

Raw halibut in the middle there...and raw halibut in the middle there.

Aaron, you got two more, right?

(to Aaron) You got two more?

Oh, fucking hell.

Move, move!

The fuck? (interview) Aaron is just a fucking wreck! [to Aaron] You don't even know what you're doing, man! (interview) That bitch can make desserts, but that's it! (to Aaron) You lost it. (interview) Fuck him!

Blue team, they're (Red team) plating!

Yes, chef!

I'm ready to plate, guys! Ready to plate! Come on!

(interview) Both kitchens have to deliver at the same time, but everything has to be cooked to perfection. That's it. That's all he wants. (to Santos) In the middle, okay? Make sure you get in four per pan!

We're good?

No! We don't have enough. (interview) We are so screwed right now. It's going to take a very long time to re-fire.

Fucking hell. Ran out of fucking risotto. How many portions are we short? (to Fernando) Hey! Tell me, please!

Two short.

Two short?! [throws spoon; to Fernando] Hey, you, come here! You've ran out of risotto. [to the rest of the Blue Team] Hey. Hey, stop. Stop! We're not serving until we're all together!

Yes, chef.

They deserve to be served AT THE SAME TIME!

Yes, chef.

We are not serving this course until we're all together!

Come on, Fernando. How long?

Give me a minute.

Alright, hurry up. (interview) Come on, Fernando! You're supposed to be an executive chef. You should know a little bit better than that.