Jackson Stewart quotes from Hannah Montana

Jackson

You want some toast? I bet you do!

Robby

Please add some jam and butter too.

Jackson

We're out of grape, so sad! It's all your fault you bad dad!

Robby

[stops singing] You know what son?

Jackson

Yeah dad?

Robby

[singing] You got nerve!

Jackson

Thatta girl. [hands Miley a whiteboard; she starts writing something] Now if you need to say anything for the next couple of days, just use that. Hannah Montana has never canceled a concert before and she's not gonna start now. I know that would just break your heart [starts to tear up] and when your heart breaks, baby sis', so does mine!

Robby

[reading from whiteboard] You got a hot date for the concert, don't ya "Jerkson"?

Jackson

Dad!

Robby

She wrote it!

Jackson

I can't believe you think I'm that selfish that I'd put my own...

Robby

What's her name, son?

Jackson

Jenny and she's a total babe! So put a cork in it, Froggy. I got a lot ridin' on this.

Robby

Ah, ah, ah, use the pad.

Robby

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Jackson

Besides, what do you think's gonna happen? Just as the surgery's about to start, a meteor hits a bus. The bus drives into a hot dog stand, a giant neon wiener flies into the power lines, the lights go off in the operating room, and the next thing you know, you're spending the rest of your life singing like Aunt Pearl after she swallowed that kazoo! Remember? [Starts making kazoo noises.]

Miley

Oh no. I'm never gonna be Hannah Montana again, all because of a giant wiener! [Runs upstairs.]

Robby

Let me tell you a bit about my days in the band.

Jackson

You had a backup singer named celiene dianawiz ...you told her to shorten her last name...

Miley

...and the rest...

Jackson

...is history.

Robby

That is a true story. But are we talking about that right now? NO! We're talking about the fact that you two can't learn to get along!

Jackson

She spit on my neck!!

Miley

I almost wiped my face with his underwear! (crying voice) Daddy I'm gonna live with that for the rest of my life!!

Jackson

Hi! I'm Miley, now I'm Hannah, now I'm Miley. I'm a real girl, I'm a pop star! Everybody makes mistakes, everybody has those days, except for me because I'm PERFECT! [to Miley] your turn

Miley

My pleasure: Girls, cars, nose hair [makes armpit farting noises] Good day, I said good day, Daddy! Whoo. Now I don't know about you, but I feel much much better.

I'm so hot.

Jackson

Yes you are.

Can I get a bottle of water?

Jackson

Yes you are. I mean yes you can.

Jackson

Oh sorry, Rico just tripled his price to 3 bucks.

But that's all I have, and as I said before I am so, so hot.

Jackson

Don't go anywhere. (Pours ice down his shirt) Ok, takin care of me now you, you can have the employee discount.

Rico

Muahahaha. You're fired.

Jackson

What are you talking about?

Rico

Nice work Natasha, go buy yourself something pretty.

Jackson

(following Natasha) No, wait wait, come back.

Rico

You ripped me off.

Jackson

Me? You're the one ripping people off. Three bucks for a bottle of water, that's stealing

Rico

That's America. You wanna give stuff away, open you own shack, you can call it IHOF International House of Failure.

Jackson

Oh, Well maybe I will. but instead I'll call it International House of Reasonably priced water, and fries and stuff.. IHORPWAFAS. Yeah, hear the name and tremble Rico IHORPWAFAS!

Jackson

I'm the man who had the cheese!

Oliver

I'm the man who had the jerky!

Jackson

We put 'em both together!

Oliver

And dude, it really work-y!

Cheese Jerky! Say what? [J] Say what? [O] (twice)

Oliver

Mozzarella moose, Swiss salmon, Gouda turkey!

Jackson

Just one taste, it'll drive you berserk-y!

Cheese Jerky! Say what? [J] Say what? [O]

Oliver

And it's all freaky-freaky-freaky fresh! (End of rap)

Jackson

Sizzlin' Stewart and Smokin' Oken Enterprises, patent pending.

Here's your lunch, boy.

Jackson

Come on, Dad, this is stupid. Can I come back in the house?

No way. You smell worse than that week old sardine Uncle Earl found in his fat fold when he was looking for the remote.

Lilly

So this whole feud started over a boy?

Miley

Yep, it was high school. Mamaw was having a summer romance and then Aunt Dolly bounced in and, well that was pretty much all she had to do. Mamaw never forgave Dolly for stealing the love of her life, Mr. Elvis Presley.

Lilly

NO!

Miley

YES!

Lilly

NO!

Miley

YES!

Lilly

NO!

Jackson

(laying on the couch) YES! Elvis, Elvis with the pelvis and the hair and the hunk-a-hunk of burning love! Guys, please! I haven't slept all night and my back is killing me! So for the love of everything good in this forsaken universe, ZIP IT!

Jackson you lazybones! Get your rump out of bed! (flips Jackson onto the floor)

Jackson

What do you know! Floor is more comfortable than the couch (has a rest on the floor)

Lilly

Jackson! I leave the room for two minutes and you turn on wrestling. Flip back to the award show.

Jackson

...This is the award show.

Hannah

[to the crowd] Thank you, thank you. [to Robby] Where are we?

Robby

Albuquerque.

Hannah

[to the crowd] Albuquerque. My favorite city in my favorite state...

Jackson

[sneaking up on Miley] Guam.

Hannah

[to the crowd] Guam!

Huh?

Miley

[to Robby] I know where you can see the world's biggest pile of dirty socks... Jackson's Room! Let's drive.

Jackson

And if you're good I'll let you ride down the underwear mountain.

[in unison] WOOOOSH!

Robby

[to Jackson and Miley] Relax. We won't be here more than a half hour tops.

Jackson

[looking at old lady walking slowly over to the diner table] Dad, it's gonna take her a half hour just to get here!

Miley

Umm, excuse me. We're ready to order.

Oooh! Forgot my pencil. Back in a jiff.

Miley

UGHHH!

Robby

MMHH...you just can't find an old-fashioned hamburger like this out on the main highway. Makes you wanna savor every bite.

Miley

[quickly eating the crumbs off her plate] Ya, sure. Eating, savoring... Done. Let's go.

Robby

Oh come on Miley, slow down. Even your brother's getting into the spirit of this place.

Jackson

[finishing a maze on a piece of paper] WOOHOO!! Prospector Pete found his way through the maze to the gold! [puts the paper down on a big pile of more paper] AGAIN!

Jackson

[looking at his mom when she was in college] Wow, wow. Look at her.

Miley

I know. She's beautiful.

Jackson

Our mom was totally hot!

Miley

[looks at her dad when he was in college] And our dad was totally not.