Sean quotes from Grounded for Life

Sean

See, Jimmy, you're not possessed by Satan because...there is no Satan!

Sean

Hello, Rochelle? No, I do not want to give you my account number and I shall tell you why: because I have already keyed it in three times and given it to several different people including a Beth, a José, and someone who was really rude to me named Kevin. And I think I speak for all Americans when I say that we are SICK of having to call something in and key in the number and then being asked what the number was we keyed in before! Alright? So why don't you get a piece of paper - have you heard of that? And a pen AND WRITE THE DAMN NUMBERS DOWN!

How's it goin' Mr. Finnerty?

Sean

Ah, you know, keepin' it fresh.

Lily

Did he really say keeping it fresh?

Claudia

[shaking head] I'll talk to him.

Sean

Hey, Lily, you liked the Ramones, didn't you?

Lily

Well, the music was good, but I kept worrying they were gonna die.

Have you tried talking to Jimmy about this?

Sean

Oh, I tried, but it kind of backfired.

And you wonder why Sister Helen has it in for your family?

Sean

Out! She has it out for our family. And i couldn't have forseen that!

Sean

You know, hearing it out loud makes me realize I'm the worst dad in the world

Claudia

Please. You're not even the worst dad in the house.

Claudia

How do two fourteen year old girls even get from Staten Island to the middle of New Jersey?

Walt

Well, if their fathers have achieved a basic level of competence, they don't get there.

Sean

Dad, I don't need your help.

Walt

No, of course not, just let it play out. At some point, the state'll intervene.

Lily

You have literally pushed me off a cliff! You have literally pushed me to my death! I am literally dying. I am literally dead from embarrassment because of you!

Sean

Lily, you really need to look up the definition of the word 'literally'.

Lily

I am literally going insane!

Sean

Alright! Good usage!

Lily

You buy stuff for Jimmy and Henry all the time. How many freaking Pokemon are there?

Sean

A hundred and fifty five. Can you hand me the socket wrench?

Lily

Get Pikachu to hand it to you.

Sean

Sure. Go for the obvious one!

Sean

Eddie, where the hell did you get 150 dollars cash?

Eddie

I don't ask you where you get your money.

Sean

I got a job.

Eddie

I didn't ask.

Walt

(about Eddie fabricating his death) Wait, was this about four months ago?

Sean

Uh-huh.

Walt

Cause people kept coming up to me and saying they felt sorry for me, but I thought they just meant in general.

Jimmy

I can't keep running, Dad!

Sean

You've got to!

Eddie

I just got hit with a snow cone!

Jimmy

We're all gonna die!

Eddie

I hate snow cones!

Eddie

I'm gonna take a section of an orange peel, put it in my mouth, and act like a monster.

Sean

No thanks.

Eddie

It makes all my friends laugh.

Sean

Your friends are all baked.

Eddie

That doesn't mean they're not a deserving audience!

Claudia

[giggles]

Sean

It's not funny! I didn't know what else to do.

Claudia

How is throwing chicken even an option?!