Eddie quotes from Grounded for Life

Eddie

(about Sean) He looks like a drunk bear.

Eddie

Yeah, she's one in a million. I have to get rid of her.

Eddie

A goat and a sheep, that could be dangerous. They could spawn a hybrid creature with the strength of a goat and the cunning of a sheep.

Eddie

Don't worry, Sister, I think I see one budding.

Sean

Eddie, where the hell did you get 150 dollars cash?

Eddie

I don't ask you where you get your money.

Sean

I got a job.

Eddie

I didn't ask.

Lily

(to Eddie about the No Doubt tickets) How did you get them?

Eddie

I know a guy.

Lily

You always know a guy. How many guys do you know?

Eddie

I know about 75 guys.

Jimmy

I can't keep running, Dad!

Sean

You've got to!

Eddie

I just got hit with a snow cone!

Jimmy

We're all gonna die!

Eddie

I hate snow cones!

Eddie

No, it wasn't me.

You look just like---

Eddie

I got that kinda face! I look like a lot of people who aren't me.

Eddie

I'm gonna take a section of an orange peel, put it in my mouth, and act like a monster.

Sean

No thanks.

Eddie

It makes all my friends laugh.

Sean

Your friends are all baked.

Eddie

That doesn't mean they're not a deserving audience!

Eddie

What did Lily do? Did she tear up a picture of the pope or something?

Claudia

No.

Eddie

Good. Cause that's been done.

Eddie

I just met her yesterday.

Claudia

So?

Eddie

It was just once.

Dad said we couldn't get a cable box, they're too expensive.

Eddie

Your dad and I live in two different worlds.

Jimmy

Uncle Eddie, it's stolen isn't it?

Eddie

'Stolen' would be a word from your dad's world.

Sean

Well there was more than just chicken.

Claudia

Biscuits?

Sean

NO, no.

Eddie

So you still have the biscuits?

Sean

No, there were no biscuits! I'm talking about an additional incident.

Eddie

I can't believe you didn't get biscuits, they come with the chicken.

Sean

I didn't get any biscuits! Look I went out to get a bucket of chicken, I got a bucket of chicken.

Eddie

You would have had to specifically asked them to leave the biscuits out!

Sean

I don't want Henry thinking "sexuality" is a dirty word.

Walt

What are you talking about? It is the mother of all dirty words. All the other dirty words come from it.

Eddie

I can think of one that doesn't. Oh no, that links up too.

Eddie

We weren't problem kids. We just marched to a different drummer.

Claudia

You were in 219?

Eddie

I started 219.

Claudia

Sean, I don't want my baby in 219.

Sean

You think I do?

Eddie

I became a man in 219.