Claudia quotes from Grounded for Life

How's it goin' Mr. Finnerty?

Sean

Ah, you know, keepin' it fresh.

Lily

Did he really say keeping it fresh?

Claudia

[shaking head] I'll talk to him.

Sean

You know, hearing it out loud makes me realize I'm the worst dad in the world

Claudia

Please. You're not even the worst dad in the house.

Claudia

How do two fourteen year old girls even get from Staten Island to the middle of New Jersey?

Walt

Well, if their fathers have achieved a basic level of competence, they don't get there.

Sean

Dad, I don't need your help.

Walt

No, of course not, just let it play out. At some point, the state'll intervene.

Lily

Eddie got me 4 tickets to the No Doubt concert.

Claudia

Oh, that's great.

Lily

No, you don't understand. It's amazing! It's totally sold out and it's in a tiny club. It'll be like they're in our house.

Claudia

That is amazing!

Lily

No, you don't understand. It's incredible. It's a benefit concert, only 300 people will be there, and me & my friends will be 4 of them.

Claudia

It's incredible!

Lily

No! It's genius!

Claudia

I know!

Lily

Oh forget it, you'll never understand.

Walt

Fruit Roll-up. They're not bad.

Claudia

Those are edible panties.

Walt

What? Oh dear God! I've got to go to church. (leaves the house)

You never told me about that.

Claudia

We-we didn't think we had to, honey. It's-it's like drinking out of the toilet.

Oh, great. Another rule.

Eddie

What did Lily do? Did she tear up a picture of the pope or something?

Claudia

No.

Eddie

Good. Cause that's been done.

Eddie

I just met her yesterday.

Claudia

So?

Eddie

It was just once.

Claudia

[giggles]

Sean

It's not funny! I didn't know what else to do.

Claudia

How is throwing chicken even an option?!

Claudia

Walt, why are my children on a chain gang?

Walt

I am teaching these boys how to dig a hole

Sean

Why?

Walt

A good hole can serve a boy in a lot of ways. It helps them focus, lets them sweat, and makes them appreciate a warm bed at night.

Claudia

How much is there to teach about a hole?

Walt

That's the kind of attitude that leads to substandard holes.

Sean

Well there was more than just chicken.

Claudia

Biscuits?

Sean

NO, no.

Eddie

So you still have the biscuits?

Sean

No, there were no biscuits! I'm talking about an additional incident.

Eddie

I can't believe you didn't get biscuits, they come with the chicken.

Sean

I didn't get any biscuits! Look I went out to get a bucket of chicken, I got a bucket of chicken.

Eddie

You would have had to specifically asked them to leave the biscuits out!

Claudia

Til she goes away to college?

Sean

No. Until she can be tried as an adult.

Jimmy

He's the last person I'd suspect!

Claudia

Yeah, he's so nice!

Plus, he's such a doofus.

Sean

Ooh, an armoire.

Claudia

That's what they call it.

Sean

(in French accent) Oh, then we should buy this "armoire"' and put it in the "boudoir" next to the "toilette". Ooh-la-la.

Eddie

We weren't problem kids. We just marched to a different drummer.

Claudia

You were in 219?

Eddie

I started 219.

Claudia

Sean, I don't want my baby in 219.

Sean

You think I do?

Eddie

I became a man in 219.