Warren Demontague quotes from Greg the Bunny

"...if you get caught between the moon and New York City..."

Dottie

You know, the distance between the moon and New York City actually varies due to the moon's elliptical orbit.

Oh, elliptical. Well, my, my -- they must be using some awfully big words on the Cartoon Network.

Dottie

Actually, Laura, I studied astronomy in college. In fact, I graduated with a perfect G.P.A. Whereas the only 4.0 Warren ever got was on a breathalyzer test.

Gil

Boy, you actually brought a synthesizer.

Yes, well, nothing but the best for Blah's birthday.

Gil

It's Jack's birthday.

Yeah, whatever. Come on, shove aside, Bender -- the reporter can't see me.

Alison

Warren, Warren, we have exactly three hours to plan a surprise party for Jack, okay? Spread the word.

Oh, good God, this isn't going to be like the time you threw me a party and then cleaned out my liquor cabinet, is it?

Alison

That wasn't a party; that was an intervention.

Alison

Yeah, the whole angle is going to be how, even behind the scenes, we're one, big, happy family.

Jack

Yeah, right.

Alison

Yeah, right, and if we do this right, we could wind up on the cover, which would do incredible things for me. Us. The show.

This could be perfect. I could plug my CD entitled, "It's Delightful, It's Delicious, It's Demontague."

Alison

As much as I would love you to go plug yourself, Warren, this is not the time.

Listen, I need to fill some seats tonight. Uh, how'd you like come to my play?

Tardy

I like to play with Warren.

No, uh, Tardy. I will be in a play. You understand? Performing.

Tardy

I'm not 'upposed to eat the Legos.

Oh God, it's like talking to Keanu Reeves.

Why is there so much wrong and so little right? Where have the saints gone marching tonight? What won't you do for the almighty buck?

Jimmy

Is it just me, or does this thing suck?

You know about my movie.

Alison

Your agent called. See you bright and early in the morning, Professor Ape.

I don't think so. Because I quit.

Alison

You can't quit. We treasure you here, Warren. Plus, you're contractually obligated.

Force me to appear, and my performances will be soulless, unimpassioned and sterile.

Gil

Good. So everything's back to normal.

I'm thrilled, sir! I am honored! I, um, well, you know, Gary, I--I would like to talk to you about, uh, you know, some, uh, clunky writing there in the second act.

But... it's Shakespeare.

Yeah. Yeah. Alright, I'll make it work.

When you're ready. Um, we've, uh, we've got a lot of people to see.

Oh, yes. Well, of course you do. Uh, many fine choices out there... if you're looking to put the "Ham" in "Hamlet."

Alright, listen. Uh, sometimes when people drink a little too much, they tend to... hallucinate.

Yeah, they also tend to urinate, which is what I saw you doing last night.

You know, you made her cry, man. You hurt her feelings.

Oh, please. She is a network robot, okay? They didn't program her model with feelings.

Gil

Okay, uh, who's the comic genius who took a whiz in Alison's car last night?

Dottie

Oh, my God. That's horrible.

Uh, well, I can't believe it. Who could be so immature?

Jack

Well, at least she has, uh, bucket seats.

Gil

Look, I'm serious. Whoever did this, you're in big trouble.

Blah

You said "urine," blah.

Gil

I'm serious! She's really pissed!

Blah

Oh, you'll be fine. Besides, if you're always retracing your footsteps, you'll never make new ones, blah.

That's a little odd coming from somebody whose idea of a hot date is to sob uncontrollably to a marble slab.

You are a pompous, self-centered monkey!

You are a shallow, manipulative trollop!

Gil

Hey, why don't we all calm down before somebody says something untrue.

You and Dottie last night. What happened in the bedroom?

Oh! Oh, well, uh, we bounced around a lot. So much in fact, we broke her bed. And--and then she banged me up against the wall.

Blah

Mazel tov, blah.

Jimmy

Uh... so just to be perfectly clear, you actually nailed her?

Yeah, I did. You know, I pulled out my little gun, and I nailed her, like, five times.

Blah

Uh, okay. Too much information, blah.

Eh, what's the big deal? I do it to Jimmy all the time.