Alison Kaiser quotes from Greg the Bunny

Alison

And as a network executive, Rochie was always accusing me of being stiff and cold. Right back at ya, Rochie!

Alison

--I'm just saying that I think it was kind of bizarre for you to call me on my cell phone to tell me that cell phones give you cancer. Do you--

[singing] Snowball, snowball, what do you do with snowfall? You ball it up, and make it stick, and then you hurl it like a brick. Snowball, you are my best friend. Snowball, your love never ends. Whether you are white or yellow, you are sure my favorite fellow. Snowball, I'm in love with you. Snowball, you complete me. Snowball, you make me rock my world.

Alison

You're right. He's cute. He's quick. He does improv. He's like Robin Williams.

Gil

Yeah. Only not as furry.

Alison

I know that. I know that. I'm as sentimental as the next person, Gil. Trust me, I'm so sentimental. But his--his fur is thinning, and his ears are drooping, and it's gross. We--we need to find the next Elmo if we're gonna reach a younger audience.

Gil

A younger audience? We already reach 4-year-olds. How young do you wanna go? Fetal?

Alison

You know, I really feel great about this new direction. I just--you know, it's--it's fun, and it's fresh, and it's--it's full of new ideas.

Jimmy

Then why are we testing it?

Alison

To see if we like it.

Alison

Jimmy. He's Gil's son. I'm putting him in charge. He's the... P.A.

Wait, I have to listen to the kid who lets my coffee get cold? While you're at it, why don't you make Tardy Turtle the head of the network?

Alison

I know you all fear change, so from now on, any changes will be referred to as "enhancements."

Dottie

Oh, I got enhancements.

Gil

Yes, Alison.

Alison

Jimmy just left my office.

Gil

Oh, God. Whatever he did, wherever he touched you, I apologize.

Alison

No, he was telling me his ideas for the show.

Gil

Oy. I apologize for that, too.

Jimmy

Oh, please. The cartoon train station?

Alison

It's true. You know, kids today don't even like trains.

Gil

Everybody likes trains!

Alison

No, Gil, have you been on a train? It's depressing. Nobody wants to spend their vacation staring at poor people's backyards.

Alison

You don't have the guts. Drop it.

Dottie

You drop it.

Ladies, ladies. Let's just cool out. Now let's all agree that it'd be nice to have a penis. But the sad truth is, we don't. And some of us probably never will.

Alison

You organized the game.

Gil

I'm... not sure that's... true. Uh, Doris, would you find out who organized the paintball game, and why the ladies weren't invited?

Dottie

You're talking into a humidor.

Gil

Doris, what happened to my intercom?

Dottie

There is no Doris.

Gil

Edna, would you find out what happened to Doris?

Gil

...but the, uh, the truth is -- and it pains me to say this -- uh, that outfit makes you look, uh, fat. I mean, really, really heavy.

Alison

Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Like, morbidly obese. You know, like, people are going to say, you know, "What did he eat? Wilson Phillips?" She's not fat anymore, but there's three of them.

Alison

Oh my God. And then, instead of taking me home -- which I asked him, obviously, to take me home -- he takes me to his home. Get it? Like, his home. But then this morning--

Gil

Alison, sometimes I ask people "What's new" just to be polite.

Alison

Uh, by the way, I know about the gin in your suck nozzle.

I got your suck nozzle right here, sister.

Alison

Gil, who is that?

Gil

That's our new mailman.

Alison

He's creepy. He looks like a real mailman.