Jimmy Bender quotes from Greg the Bunny

Jimmy

Why don't they get Warren to shut up and Dottie to take her clothes off?

Gil

Look who it is. Mr. Brando. Welcome. Okay, you know what, fellas? You got a great appreciation for comedy. I got a joke for you. What do you get when you cross a half-wit bunny with a big disappointment?

Jimmy

What?

Gil

Out. That's what you get. You get out. You're fired.

Jimmy

Look, Greg, we had a deal. You support us while I finish medical school.

Oh, Jimmy, please. "Medical School" is a ridiculous name for a comic book.

Jimmy

It's a graphic novel. This is serious literature. See, the kid, and he breaks his arm, and the evil doctors come, and, "Where are you taking me?" "We're taking you to Medical School!"

Oh, Jesus, we're gonna starve.

Hey, Jimmy. Didja see what's on TV?

Jimmy

What?

Not me!

Gil

Alright. Alright. Send your friend in, I'll see what I can do. But, Jimmy, I'm really worried about you, son. You know, I just read this article about children of highly successful fathers. And these kids, they sabotage their own futures, 'cause they can't compete with their father's, you know, brilliant accomplishments.

Jimmy

You babysit actors on some lame kiddie show.

Yeah, well, at least you have a job. It is impossible for a puppet to find work out there.

Jimmy

Well, they're hiring at the arcade.

Yeah. Dollar fifty an hour to be a whack-a-mole. I don't think so. You should see the guy I'd be replacing. Talks like Mohammed Ali.

Alison

You know, I really feel great about this new direction. I just--you know, it's--it's fun, and it's fresh, and it's--it's full of new ideas.

Jimmy

Then why are we testing it?

Alison

To see if we like it.

Dottie

Jimmy, I like this outfit, but... don't you think it's a bit much? I mean, my grandmother watches this show.

Jimmy

Well, Dottie, we're not doing this show for the grandmothers. We're doing it for the kids.

Dottie

Oh, okay. As long as it's for the kids. I'll just be practicing on my go-go pole.

Jimmy

See, now this one's the bullet train. So I'm thinkin' silver. I'm thinkin', you know, James Cameron. Like--like, The Matrix.

Gil

Yeah, you're thinking The Matrix, but you're babbling like Rain Man.

Jimmy

Oh, please. The cartoon train station?

Alison

It's true. You know, kids today don't even like trains.

Gil

Everybody likes trains!

Alison

No, Gil, have you been on a train? It's depressing. Nobody wants to spend their vacation staring at poor people's backyards.

Oh. Hi. I, uh, I must've, uh, dozed off.

Jimmy

Right next to the killer dog, no less.

Oh, aren't they cute.

Well. Yeah. You know, uh, he does seem much calmer, doesn't he? I guess we patched things up.

Oh my God. Oh my God. James, what did he do to my dog?! Make it stop!

Jimmy

Hey, what happened?

Oh, Jimmy. Come on--what do you want me to say, man? You want me to say that Jack came over here, neutered the pooch and replaced his kabangers with Sammy Davis, Jr.'s eyes? Is that what you want me to say?

Okay, you're apologizing to him?

Jimmy

Yeah, well, look--

He castrated my dog!

You castrated my best friend.

Oh, Chelsea wants. Look at you, man. You're on a shorter leash than her stupid dog. You know, we used to hang out. We used to play Nintendo. We used to melt stuff.

Jimmy

Oh, Greg, that's so cute. That you're jealous. I mean, don't worry. It's perfectly normal. Perfectly healthy. Just a tad bit gay.

Oh, yeah. Says the guy with the sweater tied around his shirt.

Jimmy

That is one pissed off bunny.

Gil

I have a feeling this is going to end with puppets rioting in the streets. This is the Fozzie Bear verdict all over again.