Green Eggs and Ham Season 1 quotes

McWinkle

Ma'am, your son...

Gluntz

Your adorable son...

McWinkle

...is in serious trouble. If you want to help him, tell us where that ferry is going.

Why would I help you? You're the BADGUYS.

Gluntz

Darn right, we are! BADGUY proud!

Well, then, I'm not telling you anything. You're bad.

Gluntz

[confused] I'm sorry. One more time?

[equally confused] You're... bad?

Gluntz

What? Are you kidding me? [laughs] This lady. No, no, no, no, no. [indicates around McWinkle's grey-speckled middle] We're good.

But you're the BADGUYS.

Gluntz

And we are good.

No! You and that scary fella are the BADGUYS.

Gluntz

And we're good! See? [presents the business card to Karen]

This says "BADGUYS".

Gluntz

Exactly. [flips it over to show the writing on the back of the card] It stands for Bureau of Animal Defense Glurfsburg Upper Yipville Section.

Narrator

That's a surprise. You got it all wrong. Turns out the BADGUYS have been good all along. I wanted to share that with you for the longest time. You have no idea how hard it was for me not to spoil it! Oh!

Okay, to be fair, your name is a little misleading.

Gluntz

Gluntz? I get that a lot. It's a family name, shortened from O'Gluntzenburg by my great-great... ...great-great-great-grandfather. No wait. Sorry, scratch that. It was my great-great... ...great-great-great-great...

So, um... [Michellee groans] Next stop, Meepville, huh?

Michellee

Yes, and I know you don’t want any company on your journey, so I’ll leave you to it.

Michellee, wait!

Michellee

Wait? I’m sorry, are you saying you want me around? Because the last time I saw you, you said we’d better off going our separate ways.

I was wrong.

Michellee

I’m not sure you were.

I was! It was a stupid thing to say, and the only reason I said it was to protect you and E.B. [sighs] But it was dumb, and it hurt you... and for that, I’m deeply sorry.

Michellee

I...

Michellee

Huh?

Huh?

Michellee

Oh!

Michellee

We’re headed straight for that wall!

Forgive me?

Michellee

I appreciate the apology, but you really hurt me back at the cabin, and... I don’t want to go through that again.

Welcome to the Gravy Boat, where we go overboard to serve you. May I take your order, Captains?

E.B.

I'll have the green eggs and ham, please.

Sam

Whoa! Way to go, E.B. They are excellent on a boat. Let it be two orders, matey, and I'll take mine over hard.

E.B.

Oh, wow! You were right all along, Sam. They look weird, and they sound awful, but... Mmm! Green eggs and ham taste great! Come on. You need energy to finish your big mission!

I... I don’t blame you for thinking that it’s easier to be alone. I used to think like that, too. It seemed that the only way to not get hurt or hurt others was to be on my own. Until I met you. I feel safer when we’re together. All I want to do is to be able to give that same feeling to you. I know I haven’t. I mean, I escaped from prison, I impersonated a carny for money, I almost got your daughter killed by a... by a Goat...

Michellee

Don’t list more things.

[sighs] I’m just asking you to give me one more chance to try.

Michellee

Do you have a piece of paper?

Uh, p-paper? Oh, I’m... I’m sure I have some somewhere. Ah-ha. What for?

Michellee

For this.

[exhales] It’s beautiful.

Michellee

[giggles] It’s my phone number, dummy, so you can call me.

[chuckles] I got it. I will.

Michellee

Honey, we’re going to Meepville!

E.B.

The city that always meeps.

Sam-I-Am

The goat is on the boat!

Goat

I'm on the boat.

I'm sorry. Wh-whatever you do... please don't hurt me.

McWinkle

Why would we hurt you? We're the good guys.

Huh? Uh... I-I-I thought you were the BAD GUYS.

We are! But the name is kind of misleading.

But... Sam is a wildlife protector, too... isn't he?

Huh?

McWinkle

Sam-I-Am. Aka the Furry Foot Bandit. Aka Flim-Flam-I-Am. Aka Sham Shamford. Aka Dr. Linda Schwartz.

[gasps] No!

McWinkle

Yes. Your pal is a con man, a crook, a world-class heist-uoso.

No! He can’t be. He’s protecting Mr. Jenkins! He told me that we’re taking him to Meepville to keep him safe. [gasps]

McWinkle

And you actually bought that? Think about it. You two have been attached to the hip for days. Did he really seem like a Wildlife Protector to you?

McWinkle

We know the truth. He stole the Chickeraffe to sell to a collector.

Collector?

McWinkle

Now... My slightly unhinged partner is in the next room with your friend, the Goat.

He’s not my friend! [Mcwinkle slams his fist to the table] Oh!

McWinkle

I’m not interested in your social life!

Gluntz

So... tell me about your social life. Do you hang out with other goats, or do you like to mix it up?

Goat

Not talking.

Gluntz

[blows and sips the coffee] Any hobbies?

Goat

Not talking.

Gluntz

Interesting hobby! Do you like board games?

Goat

No.

Gluntz

[gasps, throws the coffee at the Goat and throws the mug on the floor] You monster!

McWinkle

I have no idea what kind of sick tactics she’s using over there, but this I guarantee: One of you is gonna tell us the name of that collector. The other is gonna be in big trouble in a little cell. Which one do you want to be? Think it over. [starts walking to the door] The freedom of the one-seventeenth of the world’s Chickeraffe population hangs in the balance. So maybe consider that!

Michellee

So? What do you think?

E.B.

This is so much better than a roller coaster.

Michellee

This is my favorite spot in the whole world.

E.B.

Oh! They’re all so amazing! [gasps] But this one... Oh, my gosh! This one is the beautifulest!

Michellee

[chuckles] That one’s... mine.

E.B.

Yours? Like, you...

Michellee

Painted it. I... painted it.

E.B.

You? You painted that? [spotted her mother’s signature on the painting] but when?

Michellee

[chuckles] Back when you were very little, your dad and I lived here in Meepville, and this is what I did. I was an artist.

E.B.

Why in the world are you counting beans?

Michellee

Well, when your dad passed away, I wanted to make sure that I could take care of you, keep you safe. I wanted a safe job in a safe place, so... we moved to Glurfsburg.

E.B.

I’m sorry.

Michellee

Whatever for?

E.B.

For making you give it up, being an artist.

Michellee

Are you kidding? You’re my greatest work of art.