GGuy
I'm sorry. Wh-whatever you do... please don't hurt me.
[Guy sobs. McWinkle removes his sunglasses and looks at Guy with concern]
Why would we hurt you? We're the good guys.
[Guy abruptly stops crying]
GGuy
Huh? Uh... I-I-I thought you were the BAD GUYS.
GGlutz
We are! But the name is kind of misleading.
[Glutz hands Guy the card. He flips it over to see the words 'Bureau of Animal Defense: Glurfsburg Upper Yipville Section' on the back]
GGuy
But... Sam is a wildlife protector, too... isn't he?
[Mcwinkle opens a file full of Sam-I-Am’s wanted posters]
Sam-I-Am. Aka the Furry Foot Bandit. Aka Flim-Flam-I-Am. Aka Sham Shamford. Aka Dr. Linda Schwartz.
Yes. Your pal is a con man, a crook, a world-class heist-uoso.
GGuy
No! He can’t be. He’s protecting Mr. Jenkins! He told me that we’re taking him to Meepville to keep him safe. [gasps]
And you actually bought that? Think about it. You two have been attached to the hip for days. Did he really seem like a Wildlife Protector to you?
This is so much better than a roller coaster.
This is my favorite spot in the whole world.
Oh! They’re all so amazing! [gasps] But this one... Oh, my gosh! This one is the beautifulest!
[chuckles] That one’s... mine.
Painted it. I... painted it.
You? You painted that? [spotted her mother’s signature on the painting] but when?
[chuckles] Back when you were very little, your dad and I lived here in Meepville, and this is what I did. I was an artist.
Why in the world are you counting beans?
Well, when your dad passed away, I wanted to make sure that I could take care of you, keep you safe. I wanted a safe job in a safe place, so... we moved to Glurfsburg.
GGuy
No. Everything you ever told me is a lie. You're a wanted criminal!
GGuy
[Grunts] But how could you sell Mr. Jenkins?
When I stole him, he wasn’t Mr. Jenkins yet. I made the deal with Snerz, before I get to know the big fella.
GGuy
[Horrified] Snerz is the collector? As in “SnerzCo”?
Yes. But, the plan now is to reunite Jenkins with his family on Chickeraffe Island! Promise.
GGuy
I want to believe you, but I can't.
You have to. I may not be able to find my mother, but Jenkins's mom is a balloon ride away! Please. You can trust me.
GGuy
... ... No! Just get out of here! And leave Mr. Jenkins with me.
I can't do that. They'll put him back in a zoo.
GGuy
You listen to me, Sam-
[cheerfully] Ah-ah-ah. That's your hupset voice. You get upset when you're hungry. Good thing I brought these. [brings out Green Eggs and Ham, making Guy even more angry] Ta-da! They're really good right... [puts plate on desk in front of Guy] there, I'll bet.
GGuy
... [fires burns in his eyes as he starts to lose it] I do not like them, Sam-I-Am!
GGuy
[Slams his fist on the table] I could not, would not, on a boat! I will not, will not, with a goat! [Smashing Green Eggs and Ham] I will not eat them in the rain! I will not eat them on a train! [hurls the smashed green food at a wall] I do not like them here or there! I do not like them anywhere! I DO NOT LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM! I DO NOT LIKE THEM, SAM-I-AM!
[Sam and Mr Jenkins exchange glances]
[Guy groans in frustration]
Okay. I know you're not happy about the little setback in our relationship.
GGuy
We have no relationship! It's not us I'm worried about!
[Guy presents the piece of paper with Michellee's phone number on it]
I'll tell her you're innocent. She'll believe me.
GGuy
Oh, really, Mr. Furry Foot Bandit? Who's she supposed to believe? Hector Jive? Bamboozle McHoaxypants?
I only use Bamboozle McHoaxypants for hotels.
GGuy
Why do you have so many aliases?
Because nobody's... nobody's ever wanted me to stay the same person before.
[Guy glares suspiciously at Sam]
Nobody's ever stuck around long enough.
GGuy
... Well, there's a reason nobody's ever stuck around this long, Sam! Believe me, I know! Because I've tried! I've tried you as a friend, and you don't fit! You don't fit anybody! Not even your own mother.
[Sam gasps softly and Jenkins makes a sad noise]
Oh, dear! Guy's just upset. I'm sure he didn't mean it.
GGuy
[suddenly calms down, realizing he shouldn't have said that; remorsefully] Sam, that last bit...
But those words crushed poor Sam like a peanut.
GGuy
I'm sorry, Sam. I'm sorry.
No no no. You're right. Come along, Mr. Jenkins.
GGuy
No! Wait! Sam, you can't sell him! [But they are already gone; McWinkle and Gluntz return] The collector... is Snerz. [the two BAD GUYS are surprised]
