GGuy
I told you not to do anything!
That's what made me want to do something.
[Guy and E.B. are fleeing the giroosters]
You must have done something cool in your really long life.
GGuy
Not me! My inventions always blow up... (A girooster chomps at E.B. Who is running) ...your mom hates me.... (He continues running) ...and I'm an aspiring Paint Watcher! [slips, stumbles and continues running] See? They are better than me!
Oh, there IS no way You're never gonna impress them with that dangerous attitu- [a girooster grabs her from behind] Uh-oh! Um, help?
[The other giroosters stop chasing Guy and head over to E.B.]
GGuy
No, here, here! Over here! [the giroosters don't listen] Chew me! Chew me! I'm the least impressive! [the other giroosters snap at E.B., but the one holding her makes it known that she's his alone and the giroosters fight over which one to get to chew first as E.B. Keeps screaming to overcome her fear] Oh-h-h, what gives you the right to judge us anyways? I mean, look at you! [the girooster holding E.B. Who is crying turns his attention to Guy] You haven't even evolved as a species, and you think you're better than us? [the other giroosters start looking at Guy as well] You still live in a shabby nest made of mud and leaves, give people rashes, making them itch, and, phew, who knows what else. And I mean, you seem to have a... a remedial semblance of a social order, but you're hardly civilized. I mean, have you even developed an alphabet?
[The middle girooster's mohawk flops back into a shaggy mane]
(Gulps to overcome her fear) Keep doing that!
[The giroosters growl at her to shut up]
GGuy
[perplexed] Keep doing what?
Whatever that is, keep doing it! Whoa!
[Guy ponders what E.B. just said. The giroosters, holding E.B., close in on her so slowly. Finally it dawns on Guy that she wants him to complain more]
GGuy
[to the giroosters] Seriously, what have you done with your lives?! [and... ...BANG! the giroosters flanking the one holding E.B. turn away suddenly before they can take one big bite of E.B.] I mean... ...Huh... ..I hear you're decent bubble blowers. Huh?... (The giroosters brighten up and E.B. Feels a confused bit) ...But honestly, guys... (He gives a giroosters a evil smirk) ..blowing bubbles is no big whoop... [the giroosters all cringe] ..I'd treat her nicely if I were you.....
[The giroosters cringe further]
[to the giroosters] Hi.
GGuy
[to the giroosters] ...She's the smartest kid I know. A wizard of manipulation....
[E.B., flattered by Guy's comment, gives the giroosters a knowing smirk]
GGuy
...And completely self motivated. All the ingredients for a bright, successful future, if channeled properly.... ...or else....
Well! That was looking pretty dangerous to me!
[The giroosters let go of E.B.]
GGuy
Hand over the beans.
GGuy
Whatever you do, don't spill the beans to Michellee.
I thought you said you launched the beans out the ceiling?
GGuy
It's an expression.
[even more confused] 'I launched the beans out the ceiling'. I'm gonna have to learn more expressions.
They’re not bad people. Can’t we just let them in until it stops raining? They could catch cold.
Our bodies are 78% water, Elanabeth. A few more drops won’t hurt.
Come on! We were having so much fun back the carnival. Can’t you trust me on this one?
I trust you, E.B., but I’ll never trust that Guy again.
[Meanwhile, outside in the rain]
GGuy
There's no way she'll ever trust me again. [To Sam-I-am] I never should have listened to you!
You really should try them in the rain.
GGuy
Seriously?
The precipitation creates a sort of natural gravy that's literally mouthwatering.
GGuy
That's a mini lightning rod! You'll zap us for sure.
Oh, IWB, inclement weather buddy, don't be so dramatic. It's totally safe-[ZAP!] ... [eats the burned food] Extra crispy.
GGuy
I know I’m not your favorite person right now, or the other day at the carnival, or when we involved you in that dangerous train chase. The point is, we won’t be any trouble, and we’ll be out of your fur by morning.
I will be keeping my eye on you, Randy.
Don’t let her out of your sight.
GGuy
[chuckles] I’m an aspiring Paint Watcher. These eyes don’t shut.
Yeah, that’s my best friend. Always ready to lend a helping hand or two.
Didn’t you guys just meet?
[jumps on the sofa] And didn’t you guys just meet? Think about it.
Um, maybe I’ll go check on him.
No, stay! Let’s make some dinner.
Oh, okay. Wh... What sort of thing you like to eat?
Excellent question. Green eggs and ham. It’s the dish that cannot mish.
I’m vegan.
Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize. How long have you known?
No, no, I’m not ill. I just don’t eat things like eggs and ham. But we can make a vegan version of your favorite meal.
Uh...
Come on. How do you know you won’t like it if you never tried it?
I like the way you think. Let’s give it a whirl!
I have to find those beans. My mom was starting to trust me, and I don’t wanna mess that up.
GGuy
No beans. We need to get back safely. Your mom finally let me in and... Well, I don’t wanna mess that up.
Let you in?
GGuy
Yeah [stammers] Into the cabin.
Wait a minute. You like my mom!
GGuy
No. No, I don’t.
You do! You totally have a crush on her.
GGuy
Fine! Maybe I got a little one, but she hates me. I really need your help here.
[scoffs] And you’ve been using me to get in good with her.
GGuy
[stammering] It wasn’t even my idea.
You are so messed up!
GGuy
Please don’t blow this for me.
Well, if you want my mom to like you, you have to do what I say. I’m the gatekeeper.
GGuy
[sighs] Fine, you’re the gatekeeper
[stammers] I can’t believe it! A jailbird?
Okay, I see you’re very focused on Guy right now.
Yes! He’s in there with my child. A jailbird!
Quick reminder, Guy got arrested on purpose, just to save me!
Jailbird!
So, you really think I smell like flowers and cupcakes?
GGuy
Yes I do.
That’s sweet. I guess that’s the kind of Guy you are.
So, Guy tells me you're a bean counter. Fascinating. Tell me absolutely everything there is to know, starting right now. [He grabs a chair and sits on it]
Well, it was a very interesting job, and I've been doing it for eleven... [Sam starts to nod off, then jolts awake] No, no, actually, 11.5 years now. I began as a number cruncher... [Sam pours a cup of coffee and takes a sip, but it fails to keep him awake and he drifts off again] And I cut my teeth on the soft numbers before they got crunchier. [Sam pours coffee onto his eyes] Anyway, after that I climbed the corporate ladder, one rung at a time. The first rung was kind of slippery. [Sam does jumping jacks, but is on the verge of falling asleep yet again and falls off the chair, down the back of the couch]
I'm awake!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Green Eggs and Ham pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.