FordI'll die before I join you! I know your weakness, Bill!
Oh, yeah? And I know a riddle: Why did the old man do this? [holds his arms at his sides vertically]
Ford
[copying Bill's pose] "This?" [Bill suddenly turns him into a gold statue]
Because I needed a new backscratcher. [Laughs with the Henchmaniacs]
That's ENOUGH! Hand over my uncle! [Holds up Journal 3] Or else!
Now isn't...this...INTERESTING? [teleports right in front of Dipper] My old puppet is back for an encore! [dangles the petrified Ford] You think you can stop me? Go ahead, Pinetree, show me what you got!
[flips through Journal 3] I...uh, I...[sees a blacklight entry on Bill saying "IF HE GAINS PHYSICAL FORM THEN ALL IS LOST!"]
[mockingly] "I, um, I-" Do it, kid! Do some brilliant thing that takes me down right now! Whaddya got, Pinetree? Everyone's waiting! DO IT!
BILL-! [lunges at Bill, who effortlessly blasts him into a tree. The Henchmaniacs jeer]
[levitates the Journals] That's right. Don't be a hero, kid! [shows Ford] This is what happens to heroes in my world! [Sets the Journals aflame]
Not much of a threat now, are you?
Ford
Quit the games, Cipher! If I'm still alive, you must want something from me.
Ah, sharp as ever, Fordsy. As you may have noticed, I've recently had a multidimensional makeover. I control space, matter, and now that that dumb baby's out of the way, time itself. But I wasn't always this way. You think those chains are tight? Imagine living in the Second Dimension: flat minds in a flat world with flat dreams. I liberated my dimension, Stanford, and I'm here to liberate yours. There's just one hitch. As it turns out, my weirdness can't escape the magical confines of this town. There's something keeping me in.
Ford
Incredible! Gravity Falls' Natural Law of Weirdness Magnetism - I studied this years ago!
And did you find a way to undo it?
Ford
Of course. There's a simple equation that could collapse the barrier. But I'd never tell you!
Listen, Ford - if you just tell me that equation, finally your dimension will be free. Anything will be possible! I'll remake a fun world, a better world! A party that never ends with a host that never dies! No more restrictions! No more laws! You'd be one of us. All-powerful! Greater than anything you've imagined! And all I need is your help.
Ford
You're insane if you think I'll help you!
[laughs] I'm insane either way, brainiac! But have it your way! I'll just fish around and get that equation directly out of your mind! [prepares to enter Ford's mind]
Ford
Not so fast! You know the rules, Bill. [Bill returns to physical form] You may be able to haunt my dreams, but you can't enter my mind unless I shake your hand and let you in!
[sighs, chains Ford up] You're making this so much harder than it needs to be. Everyone has a weakness, tough guy! I'll make you talk. It's only a matter of time! [Ford screams]
[After the "Shacktron" defeats Bill's Henchmaniacs]
Guys, seriously? You had, like, one job to do here.
Ford
Bravo, Dipper and Mabel!
...Well, would you look at that! Those kids really care about you. And you care about them. DON'T YOU?
Ford
What are you-? Oh. Oh, no!
Perhaps torturing those kids'll make you talk.
You two wait here! I've got some children I need to make into corpses! [morphs into a huge, red, multi-armed form] SEE YA REAL SOON!
No! Wait! No! No! Oh, what do we do? What do we do?!
Ford
[frantically bangs on cage bars] Kids!
Ohh, I can't believe this! The kids are gonna die and it's all my fault! Because I couldn't shake your stupid hand! Ugh, Dad was right about me. I am a screwup.
Ford
[sighs] Don't blame yourself. I'm the one who made a deal with Bill in the first place. I fell for all his easy flattery. You would've seen him for the scam artist he is. [drinks from "water" flask and shares it with Stan]
How did things get so messed up between us?
Ford
We used to be like Dipper and Mabel. The world's about to end and they still work together. How do they do it?
Easy. They're kids. They don't know any better. [Ford stands up] Whoa, where are you going?
Ford
I'm gonna play the only card we have left: let Bill into my mind. He'll be able to take over the galaxy and maybe even worse! But at least he might let the kids free.
What?! Are you kidding me?! Are you honestly telling me there's nothing else we can do?!
Ford
Bill's only weak in the mindspace. If I didn't have this darn plate in my head, we could just erase him with the memory gun when he steps inside my mind.
What if he goes in my mind? My brain isn't good for anything.
Ford
[chuckles] There's nothing in your mind he wants. It has to be me. We need to take his deal. It's the only way he'll agree to save you and the kids.
Do you really think he's gonna make good on that deal?
Ford
What other choice do we have?
All right, Ford, time's up! I've got the kids! I think I'm gonna kill one of them right now, just for the heck of it! EENY... MEENY... MINEY...YOU!
[wearing Ford’s clothes and imitating Ford’s voice] Wait! I surrender.
Ford
[wearing Stan’s clothes and imitating Stan’s voice] Don’t do it Ford! It’ll destroy the universe!
HAHAHAHA! Oh, even when you're about to die, you Pines twins just can't get along. [drops the cage and ties up Ford]
My only condition is that you let my brother and the kids go!
No! Grunkle Ford! Don’t trust him!
It's a...DEAL! [Holds Stan's right hand, then enters the mental realm, petrifying his physical form and enters Stan’s mind]
Oh, I'm here! I'm finally here! Look at this place - a perfect, calm, orderly void. Gotta hand it to you, Ford. You really know how to clean your mi- [opens the door to reveal Stan sitting in a chair playing with a paddleball]
[Makes a clicking sound and points a finger-gun at Bill]
Heh-heh, do a pretty good impression of my brother, don't I? Switch clothes and no one can tell us apart. Welcome to my mind. Surprised you didn't recognize it.
[Outside of Stan's mind, Ford pulls out the memory gun and aims it at Stan]
What?! The deal's off! What the-?! No, no, no, NO!
Oh, yeah. You're goin' down, Bill. You're getting erased. Memory gun. Pretty clever, huh?
Y-you idiot! Don't you realize you're destroying your own mind too?!
Eh. It's not like I was using this space for much anyway.
Let me outta here! Let me OUT! Why isn't this working?!
Hey, look at me. [angrily] Turn around and look at me, you one-eyed demon! You're a real wise-guy, but you made one fatal mistake: you messed with my family.
You're making a mistake! I'll give you anything! Money, fame, riches, infinite power, your own galaxy! PLEASE! No...! WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?! [begins rapidly warping between several forms; screams distorted words:] !NRUTER YAM I TAHT REWOP TNEICNA EHT EKOVNI I !NRUB OT EMOC SAH EMIT YM !L-T-O-L-O-X-A STANLEY!!!!!!! [Stan punches Bill in the eye, making him dissolve into nothing with a final scream]
Heh. Guess I was good for something after all.
Gravity Falls · 241 quotes
