Hello. I'm Kurt Hummel and I'll be auditioning for the role of kicker.
S1 E4Preggers
CTCoach Tanaka
Can you do that with a game on the line, and ten gorillas bearing down on you wanting nothing more than to taste your sweet virgin blood?
Sounds like fun. Can I have my music?
CTCoach Tanaka
If you can kick like that, you can wear a tutu for all I care.
S1 E5The Rhodes Not Taken
Hey, how come you haven't had any morning sickness? Quinn Fabray's been upchucking every fifteen minutes.
Really? That's a really good sign! That means the baby's not a mongoloid!
I just got back from the emergency room. I had them give me four decontamination showers. I think they call that the full Silkwood.
What happened?
Kurt was drunk and he ralphed on me. Not really fessing up to how he got the booze just yet, but I'm pretty sure it's not a fake I.D. because he looks like an eleven-year-old milkmaid. Will, I think it was April. Her backpack's always clinking with empties.
Kurt, I'm a girl who knows her solvents, and your breath smells like rubbing alcohol.
Oh, Bambi... I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy.
I'm sleeping with him.
So am I! ...This play is weird.
That's Mr. Ryerson's favourite line.
S1 E6Vitamin D
Although I've been grouped with the boys, my allegiance remains with you ladies. They declined my offer to do their hair in cornrows, and all my artistic decisions have been derided as too costly because they involve several varieties of exotic bird feathers.
While the boys chose a selection of songs that cast an eye inward on the irresponsible life choices and sexual hunger of today's modern teens, we have chosen a selection of songs that speaks to the nation as a whole during these troubling times of economic uncertainty and unbridled social woe, because if there's two things America needs right now it's sunshine and optimism. Also angels.
We were just taking a lesson from Major League Baseball. It's not cheating if everyone does it.
PPuck
What's a mash-up?
SMr. Schue
A mash-up is when you take two songs and mash them together to create an even richer explosion of musical expression.
I've got to figure out some way to motivate them.
Okay, well, you, um you could, well, what about a sticker board? That's how my parents got me to do chores when I was a kid. All right, so I do a chore, and then I get a star, and then-
Oh, dear God. Please please stop talking. I'm trying desperately to ignore the treacly sweet insanity of your asinine conversation but now I've got bile in my mouth and I will hold my tongue no further. You know what this is? This is a list of my Cheerios. Every week I pick someone at random, and I kick 'em out.
Yeah, well, in Glee club we do things a little bit differently.
Oh, yeah, Will? How's that workin' out for you? You have to remember something. We're dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It's like mother's milk to them. Without it, their bones won't grow properly. So if you want results with a kid you find that competitive animal within, and unleash it. [to Emma] Oh and that blouse is just insane. [gets up and leaves]
...Can't believe she's allowed to teach at this school.
Um, is-is everything okay, Terri? - You-You never visit me at work.
Oh, I'm not visiting. No. You've been so stressed about our finances lately that I thought I would pitch in by getting a second job. I'm the new school nurse.
But you're not a nurse. You don't have any training.
Oh please, Will. It's a public school.
I need to talk to you about the baby.
Is everything okay? Wait, you're not having it right now, are you?
What!? No! Aren't you supposed to be a nurse?
Mmmhmm!
You being here is not good for our marriage.
Spending time together is not good for our marriage?
Not every minute! We used to come home every night and talk about our day. Now we have nothing to say to each other.
[cut to Will and Terri having a mostly silent dinner]
...A lot of ants on the sidewalk today.
...Pretty late in the season for that.
S1 E7Throwdown
I will destroy you.
I am about to vomit down your back.
It's on.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Glee pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.