[Gintoki is sleeping on the couch]
Yo, Main character, get up, dammit! Are you gonna do this or not?! Cuz if not, we're going to start another program instead!
Let me introduce us...the Shinsengumi!!
GGuy
Shinsengumi? What the hell do you mean, 'introduction'? Why do you have a camera crew with you?
What about you? Singing karaoke while plotting to overthrow the government?! Capture them all.
[voiceover] We, as investigative reporters, will follow the Shinsengumi 24 hours a day, and bring the truth of their organization to light!
Exposé! 24 hours in the lives of the out-of-control Shinsengumi!!
[Talking about Kondo]
Right about now, he's probably either talking to some government bigwigs, or practicing his swordsmanship alone...
[talking to Otae] I'm such a pitiful wreck. There's no way any woman would go for me. I'm just no good.
If your boyfriend...what if he were impotent?
Then I'd love him, impotence and all!
[thinking] She's so calm. She just accepts it, like the Buddha! [out loud, to Otae] Let's do it at the altar!
He was so insistent, I got a little carried away, and gave it to him straight in the face, and he ran off.
Is that so? I wanted to see what kind of a guy he was...
[up a telephone pole] Otae-san! Otae-saaaaaaaaan! Marry Meeeeee! I won't give up after being turned down once or twice! Woman want to be loved more than they want to love!! My mom told me so!
Hey! What are you doing so early in the morning? You're bothering the neighborhood! Get down here, you bastard!
Please officer, calm down. I'm...I'm a thief, yes, but a thief...of love!
[During Shinsengumi morning sword training]
Come on, put some muscle into it! I'll beat the shit outta anyone who slacks off!
That damn vice-commander...if the vice-commander were the commander, we'd be in a grave situation. [commander sounds the same as gravity/solemnity in Japanese]
Come on, 10 in the morning is a little early, don't you think?
You maggot! Man can do anything he puts his mind to!
[swinging a badminton racket] We're not putting our minds to it. We're just faking it.
Are you swinging that thing around again?! [kicks Yamazaki]
Speaking of Kondo-san, I haven't seen him around today either. Is he sick or something?
You'll be sick if you keep this up!
Shinpachi [to Otae] I'll do the cooking, so please, just do the shopping!!
Ok.
Well, my sister's omelets are more like briquettes than anything else...
[Kondo is sitting in the pile of pumpkins, and holds up a sign.]
'I love you a pile'? What the hell does that mean?
[Kondo is wearing scuba gear, and is holding a tennis racket.]
I'm very athletic. I like tennis and scuba diving, you see...
Decide on one, you damned degenerate!
[Hijikata is directing traffic]
[to a car] Hey you, who gave you permission to change direction? Get back here! Don't run away from me!! [draws his sword]
Well Hijikata-san. Your reach is too short. So let me take care of this one.
Take care of it how?! [Okita blows a hole in the street with his bazooka]
Oh, you really did it this time.
What do you mean, 'I did it', you invertebrate?! [starts slashing at Okita, who dodges every strike nonchalantly]
[Otae and Shinpachi have just told Gintoki about Kondo]
[looking out at the audience] How long has it been since this episode started? It took you so long to get to me! I'm the main character! Isn't it ridiculous that I don't appear?!
CCook
[timing Kagura] 12 minutes, 5 seconds.
This is Gintama, right? Hey? What? Huh? Right? If it were just Tama it'd be a flop! If I'm not in it, why is it Gintama?
Well, today's episode is called: 'Exposé! 24 hours in the lives of the out-of-control Shinsengumi!!'
What's up with that?! I didn't hear about this!!
Don't complain, Gin-san. At this rate, the Shinsengumi may actually become the main characters.
Seriously?!! That's right, they didn't show the Gintama opening song today! That was a close call. [smashes his face into the camera] This is Gintama! And I'm the main character!!!
It's not a good thing that you got a marriage proposal? He was wearing a sword, so he must be some kind of police officer or something. Sounds like a smart match. You should take whomever you can get, before it's too late.
[Kagura is eating a bowl of ramen bigger than she is (almost)]
CCook
All right, 30 more seconds.
All right, hurry it up. We're counting on you, Kagura. We didn't bring any cash.
If you wanna hire me, you pay up front.
Gin-san, I haven't been paid in 2 months, so if anyone's going to pay it's you.
Well, someone's gonna have to.
[whispering] Come on, you've got to get going, or you'll be replaced [as a main character].
Come out, knave! Where are you, stalker? I'll rain judgment down upon you!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Gin Tama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.