Okita quotes from Gin Tama

Okita

You know, you're just an idiot who can't fool anyone [mattaku damasenai otoboke]. Abbreviating, a madao.

Hijikata

Now get stripped!

Hasegawa

[narrating] In the end, wherever I went, I was a madao.

Hijikata

[briefing the Shinsengumi] If you see anyone who looks suspicious, don't hesitate in arresting him. I will assume all responsibility.

Okita

Really? Well then, if I see a samurai, I'll kill him, and you'll assume the responsibility.

Hijikata

Well, everyone, forget what I just said.

Kagura

So, you'll give me anything I can shoot at?

Hasegawa

Yeah, if you can hit it! Aim carefully...

Kagura

Gimme the shades, old fart.

Hasegawa

You got it all wrong! You're supposed to aim at these things right-- [gets his watch shot.]

Okita

[brandishing another rifle.] Give me the watch. [stares at Kagura.]

Hasegawa

Heeey, wait a second! Hold on! I know I said I'd give you anything you'd hit, but not my own things! You hear?! [Kagura and Okita point at him and start shooting as Shinpachi watches.]

Kagura

Got your beard!

Okita

Got your overcoat.

Kagura

Got one of your nipples!

Gintoki

Here's the 35th Annual Panty Thief Capture Project! [everyone - Otae, Kagura, and many of the Shinsengumi members - celebrate.]

Shinpachi

[deadpan] "35th"? "Annual"?

Gintoki

And, along with you people, we have here the self-appointed director, Mr. Isao Kondo, to give us his opening speech. [Kondo steps up.]

Kondo

Well, the Shinsengumi is here to guard and protect the peace of the city. And what is peace? It is to make sure the people will live happily and free from disturbance! To assure the felicity of anyone under our care, we've sworn to make an even better peace! [Otae giggles, he blushes slightly.] That is why, Shinpachi-kun, protecting your sister's underwear is also in the Shinsengumi's mission!

Okita

Oh, that's just like the boss to use such an excuse. What a genius.

Kondo

Hey!!!

Shinpachi

By the way, what is the whole Shinsengumi doing here?

Okita

For revenge. Right, Hijikata-san?

Okita

It turns out someone's been stupid enough to send one of these pitiful panites to Hijikata-san. [shows the panties, which Hijikata promptly slashes to ribbons.]

Hijikata

He's a dead man.

Shinpachi

[thinking] H-he's really gonna kill him!

Shinpachi

Couldn't you think of her brother, who's seen so much of his sister's underwear that he's grown desensitized to it? Kind of like a romantic scene that causes constipation when you watch a drama with your family.

Kagura

And thus, a kid climbs the mountain towards maturity.

Shinpachi

You! Stop jumping to conclusions!

Okita

Seeing your sister's panties is no big deal. Hijikata-san once caught his dad wearing a bra.

Gintoki

I see. The impact from that incident was what made him "cross the street".

Hijikata

No it wasn't!

Otae

[furiously] I'm staking my life for my panties! If you got enough time to talk, you got time to work too, lazy-asses!

[frightened] Uh... yes!

Kagura

Sister, you're sooo cool!

Okita

[carrying a large bag on his back.] Well, well, I predicted something like this could happen, so I went to pick these up from the storeroom.

Shinpachi

And what are these?

Okita

How should I put it... They're something like... landmines.

Shinpachi

They're not "something like" landmines! They are landmines!

Okita

It was a bit tough to get them. Security there's a bit tight.

Hijikata

The path of evil slithers like a serpent.

Shinpachi

I couldn't agree more!

Okita

Does it matter who it is? We'll just catch someone nearby, pass him off and it's done.

Hijikata

If all of us tell the same story, no one will know it.

Shinpachi

What do you mean, "someone nearby"? And "if we tell the same story"?!

Gintoki

Oi, oi, stop screaming. If the thief listens to you, all our effort will go down the drain.

Shinpachi

Well, guess what, you may get lost, what with all this heat!

Gintoki

What the hell did you say, jackass? [grabs Shinpachi violently] You want me to help with your contact lenses?

Otae

[gets pushed back by the ruckus, then starts hitting Shinpachi on the head with the butt of her naginata] Stop this, you two!

Shinpachi

I'm supposed to be the guy wearing glasses in this anime!!!

Okita

You think they need help?

Hijikata

I can guess how this fight will end. They'll just continue until someone can go no further.

Kagura

My fist is getting furious, too!!! Someone better feed it blood!!!

Kondo

C'mon, stop it, stop it. We shouldn't be fighting. [sighs] I'm sure everyone's stressed due to the heat. Let's take a rest then--

Gintoki

[off-screen] Shut up, loser!

Otae

[off-screen] Shut up, deadbeat!

Kagura

[off-screen] Shut up, Hanarari-kun!

Hijikata

[off-screen] Shut up, Miso bun!

Okita

[off-screen] Shut up, gorilla.

Kondo

[crying like a girl] I'm sure it's the heat! It's all because of he heat! [normally] Well, I'll go buy some refreshments. I'm sure that'll calm you down.

Kagura

[still fighting] I want an azuki ice cream!

Gintoki

[still fighting] To me, something like coffee ice cream!

Otae

[still fighting] Bargain Dash (spoof of Häagen-Dazs) for me!

Okita

[still fighting, but calmly] Some jungle flavor will do.

Hijikata

[still fighting] A dish of veal with a pound of mayonnaise over it!

Shinpachi

[still fighting] Uh... tea!

Kondo

Okay, I'll go get your orders. Be nice!

Okita

Actually, Hijikata-san... It was me who sent you those panties.

Hijikata

Say what??

Okita

It was just a prank, silly. [starts running away.]

Hijikata

[giving chase] I don't give a fuck, you twat!!! Hold on! Stop running!

Die... Die... Die, Hijikata, with your high legacy...

Hijikata

No way. That's really...

Hijikata

What are you doing out here so late?

Okita

Uh, jogging.

Hijikata

[as he speaks, we see a portrait of Hijikata nailed to a tree.] Stop lying! If you were really jogging in that outfit, you head would be a fireball by now! A ritual! You must be in the middle of a ritual to kill me!

Okita

Oh, you really jump to conclusions. Watch yourself, or you might become a paranoid psycho.

Okita

What kind of spirit could it be, gorilla?

Kondo

It got him too!

Kagura

Well... Factory supervisor.

Gintoki

Yeah, well... It's the spirit of a factory supervisor who died when he was caught on a conveyor belt!

Kondo

Uh... But all our men said they saw a woman.

Shinpachi

He put it wrong. It's the spirit of a woman who committed suicide, and who looked like a factory supervisor who died when he was caught on a conveyor belt!

Hijikata

That's too complicated! Besides, what kind of factory supervisor haunts people?

Shinpachi

We didn't mean no harm. We just wanted a job. Since it's summer, we thought exorcism would be an easier way to make money, so we decided to try our luck in town. Right, Gin-san?

Gintoki

Yeah. You see, I've been able to see ghosts for a long time, so I thought that could be useful. [Okita stands and walks up to him.] Ah! There's an angry old hag standing behind you.

Okita

Really? Then it must be the old hag from the convenience store. She's been mad at me since I tried to claim those popsicle stick prizes, saying that I falsified them. What do I do?

Gintoki

Don't worry. You just need to let us down and throw a pot of water on her, and it'll be alright.

Okita

Yeah, I see. Then I'll dump this down your nose. [pours Coca-Cola into Gintoki's nostrils]

Gintoki

Owowowowowow! What's this?! Seems so familiar! Just like that time I almost drowned in the pool!

Kagura

Gin-chan, I feel like my head's going to explode. Help me.

Gintoki

Oi! This brave girl's head is going to explode! Are you really alright with that? That way, the anime's gonna end!

Okita

[turns to the camera] Coming up next, "The Shinsengumi's Bloody Records". Stay tuned, everyone.

Shinpachi

That means we're done for.

Okita

Hijikata-san, you saw her too? The woman in the red kimono?

Hijikata

I don't know, but there's something weird going on here. And that thing's definitely not human.

[mocking Hijikata] Owowowowow, Daddy! [only Okita] Please bring him a bandage. The bigger the better, to cover it all up!

Hijikata

Were you guys rehearsing that?