Gintoki quotes from Gin Tama

Shinpachi

Did you buy the toilet paper?

Kagura

Here you go. [hands him one roll]

Shinpachi

Kagura-chan, don’t you usually buy a pack with a bunch of rolls in it? This won’t be enough if someone eats something disagreeable.

Kagura

Don’t complain. I’m doing you a favor. Who are you, my Mother-in-law? Once, a lonely samurai lived in the woods, and he didn’t have any toilet paper, so he…

Shinpachi

There’s no fable like that! Whom did you hear that from?

Kagura

Gin-chan told me.

Shinpachi

Don’t listen to what he says.

Gintoki

Shut up, all of you.

Kagura

I’m not going to take that from some wet behind the ears brat!

Shinpachi

What’s that? You’re younger than me, aren’t you? [holds up the toilet paper roll for emphasis]

Gintoki

[staring at Sadaharu] Shinpachi, what’s that white thing?

Shinpachi

What does it look like? Toilet paper!

Gintoki

No, I meant that huge white thing.

Shinpachi

Huge or small, there's just one of it, so cut that... [turns to finally notice Sadaharu] Waaah! Where did this thing come from?!

Kagura

Oh, I picked it up around back. Cute, isn’t it?

Gintoki

What do you mean, “picked it up”? If you’re going to get a pet, get one we can identify!

Kagura

Sadaharu.

Shinpachi

You just made that up! I can tell you just made that up!

Gintoki

He’ll be fine. A sadaharu can make it just fine.

Shinpachi

Why are you calling it Sadaharu now?!

Gintoki

You understand why, Sadaha—[gets his head bitten by Sadaharu]

Gintoki

At any rate, I suppose I’ll let Shigeho stay here until we find him a new home.

Shinpachi

It’s Sadaharu, isn’t it?

Shinpachi

Move him, Kagura-chan.

Gintoki

I feel like I’m going to burst.

Kagura

So now you know how I feel…

Shinpachi

No, not that kind of feeling…

Gintoki

That damn Sadaharu slobbered all over my Jump!

Kagura

He’s so cute, slobber and all!

Shinpachi

He peed all over Otsuu-chan’s debut CD!

Kagura

Sadaharu’s cuter than that Otsuu anyway!

Gintoki

I’ve come to pay the rent.

Otose

What’s all this? There’s probably a camera around here somewhere, isn’t there?

Gintoki

I thought I’d come pay this month’s rent…[camera pans to Sadaharu]

Otose

Yes, it’s certainly hot out today.

Gintoki

Please, I’m begging you! Surely this is worth a month’s rent!

Otose

I don’t need any Dog of Flanders!

Gintoki

By learning a painful truth, a girl takes the first step towards womanhood, and a geeky fanboy will become a man.

Shinpachi

Are you talking about me?! Are you calling me a geeky fanboy?! I’ll never change!

Shinpachi

Are you trying to stick me with him?

Gintoki

Well, your sister does have a stalker on her tail, right?

Shinpachi

You took care of that, Gin-san!

Gintoki

So I scratch your back, you scratch mine. This’ll work, as far as payment.

Shinpachi

Listen to me, dumbass!

Gintoki

[to Sadaharu] Don’t bite me.

Shinpachi

He certainly looks cute, doesn’t he…

Gintoki

He must be a bio-weapon in the shape of a dog.

Hijikata

So here you are.

Gintoki

What do you want? Shouldn’t you be at work? Trying to find someone to play with?

Hijikata

I’d never ask you to play with me, ever!

Gintoki

I thought we settled our differences when we fought the other day.

Hijikata

Fine! Then we’ll just fight for fun this time!

Gintoki

No way. I’m not giving him to you. Don’t forget that I don’t bend to the will of the Shinsengumi.

Hijikata

Fine, then I’ll bend you to my will, you troglodyte!