[to Carmen] You want to see what happens when you start dating boys too early? [points at Benny] That!
You know what, I wasn't so much dating boys at 15 as....
Mom!
Having sex with them. What did you think I was gonna say?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
(to Benny after she threw his ball away from him): You know, I got a better idea. Why don't you take your tired ass home?! (Benny slaps Max on his face in front of his friends)
What's Ricky doing here? You know he's not allowed in the house.
I know, but he needed a ride to the game.
Mr. Lopez, can't you forgive me?
Forgive you? You burned down my garage!
You did it this time, Max. You're grounded for sneaking Ricky in the house.
He's already grounded for skateboarding in the house.
All right, then no video games for a month.
We took them away for eavesdropping on the phone calls.
Allowance?
Took it away when they burned down the garage.
Okay, you leave me no choice. For the rest of the month... You're not allowed to use your hands.
[after Max and Ricky drove George's car into the backyard]
How the hell did that happen?
Well, we were trying to surprise you and wash your car, but the hose is too short. I love you, Dad.
Look, I want the truth.
Okay. Here's what happened. We ditched school. But it was lucky because two gangbangers were stealing your car. We scared them away. But when we tried to put the car back in the driveway, we crashed, so I guess you're welcome, Mr. Lopez.
[to Max] You, you're going back to school. We'll deal with this tonight. [to Ricky] And you, you're out of here, man. I'm taking you back to your mother. And say goodbye to Max. Because that's the last time you're gonna see him. Do you know you could've killed someone?
Wow. Hey, your mom sits out here. What if she was in that chair?
Don't try to cheer me up.
[George, Ernie and Ricky arrive at the apartment]
Hey, you two wait here. I wanna talk to his mom alone.
All right.
[George leaves them and goes to find Tammy]
You know, that was a pretty stupid stunt you two pulled.
I know. Do you think he'll ever let me see Max again?
He's pretty mad, Ricky.
Max is my best friend.
Hey, you know what? Once George cools down, I'll try and talk to him, all right?
Thanks, Ernie. You ever do anything like this when you were a kid?
[chuckling] Actually, yeah. One time, George and I broke into school with a whole bunch of spray paint, and we... Made a banner that said, "Learning is cool." Whoo! Those were the days, man. [chuckling]
[Zack climbs into Carmen's room and sits on her bed]
ZZack
Morning.
Zack, what are you doing here? My dad's still home.
ZZack
I wanted to take you to school.
No, no, Noah's coming over to pick me up. My parents totally believe he's my boyfriend. Zack, don't blow this.
ZZack
Relax. We'll call him on the way, come on.
All right, fine, I'll meet you at the end of the block. Now go, get out.
ZZack
Hey, how come you never wear this tube top for me?
That's a headband.
ZZack
Fine. Then put this thong on.
That's a shoelace.
ZZack
Work with me.
Carmen, there's no easy way to say this. Your boyfriend's in the closet.
Oh my god.
Look, I know, I don't like it either. But just because Noah's gay... [Zack is shocked and hides back in the closet] Okay... It has nothing to do with you. Okay, this doesn't mean that you're ugly or stupid. He was just using you to hide something that he doesn't know how to deal with.
NNoah
Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Lopez, is Carmen ready?
She just left.
You know, Noah, I went to see A Walk in the Tuscan Meadow last night. Saw the whole thing.
NNoah
Didn't you love the ending when the cheesemaker comes home from war, but he can't make cheese anymore because he lost his arms? But then his son shows up and says, "Papa, I'll be your hands."
[he and Angie feel relieved]
Yeah, that was really moving, but I meant the gay horseplay.
NNoah
What?
Mr. Lopez saw you... Being very friendly with another boy.
Okay, we talked to Carmen, and it's all out in the open, okay? So nobody has to sneak around anymore.
NNoah
Well, thank god, 'cause I thought you'd be mad at Carmen.
Why would we be mad at her? She can't help who she falls for.
NNoah
Because she was sure you guys would freak if you knew she was seeing Zack.
Zack?
Zack Powers?
NNoah
Um, actually...
Wait, wait, wait, wait! She was seeing Zack Powers behind our back, and you were her cover?
[after Noah said that Carmen is really dating Zack Powers and attempts to excuse himself]
NNoah
Look, I'm really sorry about this. I mean, you guys are so nice to me and your mother, I really enjoyed meeting your mother, she was--
[interrupting] Enough of your lies! Out! I enjoyed meeting your mother, Ta Loca. I enjoyed meeting your mother.
I don't believe you!
Showtime, monkeys!
You can't threaten my boyfriend!
The fake, gay, cover boyfriend, or the boyfriend you've been seeing behind our backs for a month?
You read my diary?! I hate you!
I know! It's written on every page in here. [reads the diary] "I hate Dad! God, I hate Dad!" "Hey, old lady! Hang up the miniskirt! You're not 15 anymore!" [to Angie] Oh, that one's about you.
You had no right to read this.
You've lost all your rights by lying to us, and if we have to look in your diary to find the truth about Zack, we'll do it.
Oh, you wanna know the truth?! Well, here it is! I'm dating Zack because I love him and he loves me too!
Carmen, he doesn't love you. He's just using you.
Look, he told me he was gonna dump you as soon as he gets you into bed. Wake up!
You're lying! You hate him so much, you'd say anything to keep us apart!
Yeah? Did I make up that he vandalized the factory? That he got a girl pregnant?
He didn't respect the girl enough to be safe.
No, no, no. You guys don't understand Zack. His dad was never there for him, and his mom's a bitter, old drunk. You have no idea what that's like.
[George thinks how Zack's life is just like his life and he looks at Benny who feels guilty. She tries to hide her beer behind her purse]
[to Benny] You wanna field that one? [to Carmen] Okay, you know what? End of discussion. Okay, we did not raise you this far so you can screw up your life with Zack, so there is no way in hell that you are ever gonna see him again!
You can't stop me, 'cause I'm almost 16. I'm almost a woman. I can do whatever I want.
Not as long as you live in this house. Okay, if you don't like it here, go live somewhere else.
George, please calm down.
Look, I'm not gonna calm down, Angie! I'm tired of her disrespecting us! [to Carmen] Go see what it's like out there! Send us a postcard!
George!
And don't expect me to come looking for you!
I wish you weren't my dad.
[to Carmen] You're not going out tonight.
I get it, it's too soon. I'll just go to bed, but I want you to know things aren't the same. I partied with Chingy and I shared a sandwich with a homeless guy. I've done it all. So no more curfews, no more rules, I'm an adult and tomorrow night, I'm going out.
[to Angie] She's right. Things aren't the same. They're worse.
[to Carmen] You were in hotel rooms. Don't think I'm going to believe nothing happened.
Nothing did happen! You want to take me to a doctor and get me tested? I'm still a virgin.
We'll go to the doctor. It's 9:00 at night, We'll go to the emergency room.
Dad, I didn't do anything!
Don't lie to me!
I didn't! You raised me better that that!
No, I didn't. I was never there, I was always busy, I was too hard on you.
Yeah, you were. And every time Zack tried to get me to do something with him, I heard you tell me, "Don't do anything you'd be embarrassed to tell me or your mother about."
Carmen, get your stuff. I'm taking you home.
No. No, I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying with my friends.
Friends? How do you even know all these people?
Well, Zack broke up with me in a club and I was crying in the bathroom and one of Chingy's dancers was there to cheer me up, so we just started hanging.
Who's Chingy? [everyone in the room looks at George weirdly]
Who's Chingy?! I can't believe you. His videos are on all the time. "Balla Baby"? "Holidae Inn"?
Hey, George ,you find Carmen yet? Hey, what's Chingy doing here?
[after Max went upstairs to bed]
[to Carmen] All right. What the hell happened out there?
Now is not the time, George.
It's none of your business anyway.
Everything you do is my business.
You have issues.
You're damn right I have issues. Look, I tried to give you everything I never had and you run away from it.
Oh, yeah. I have everything. I have a father and a mother who treat me like a baby and control everything I do.
Carmen, you're lucky you have parents who care. Look, I didn't have a dad and I prayed that my mom would come home at 6:00 so I could see her before bedtime. If I was lucky, she came home drunk with the spins, so she'd have to hold on to me! That was my hug!
George! Remember the literature? She's home safe and sound. We should be happy now.
Look, Angie, don't try to pretend like everything's alright. Okay, it wasn't alright when last night you were crying.
Maybe you should've thought of that when you told me to leave.
Stop it! We all need to give each other time to accept... [reaches for her brochure in her back pocket, reads it, then puts it back]... to accept the reunification process.
Carmen [about the mannequin sticking out of her bedroom wall]: The mannequin represents my spirit trying to get out of a spiritual prison.
Is your spirit so dumb it can't use the door?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's George Lopez pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.