Angie [to Max]: Hey honey, you hungry? I made some veggie burgers. I got one left!
No way. Vegetarians are left-wing nutjobs. They undermine the beef industry and put a lot of good, hard-working Americans out on their butts.
That's what my head ranger, Mr. Dugan, says.
Man, what are they teaching you over there? You're supposed to be learning about knots and wood carving.
Wood carving? Ha! Try to get a piece of lumber nowadays, with all these liberal tree-huggers.
You know what I hate? You can't smoke in restaurants, but a mother can pull out her chi-chi's to feed a baby.
Max [to George]: Can I get a gun permit?
Dude, you still got cartoons on your underwear. No.
[to Marisol] I don't believe you. I bring you into my home and you betray me? There are two things that are keeping me from tearing into you right now, my son is sleeping next door and I'm pretty sure you could kick my ass.
I was only trying to help Carmen.
Help Carmen? You could have got her killed. You weren't just going to a club, you were out looking for your psycho boyfriend.
I wasn't looking for Junior.
Oh yeah? You don't know where he hangs out? You were shocked to run into him?
I don't know, I don't want to talk about this anymore. Get out of my way, prom queen.
No, and you are NOT dealing with the prom queen, I was first runner-up.
[sarcastically] Wow, it's like we've lived the same life.
I don't want to hear how tough you've had it. You already quit the gang, you got a job and if it were me, I would start to feel better about myself but I guess you still think you deserve a guy who treats you like CRAP.
Hey, you don't know how hard it was to leave him.
Noooo, you're right, it's much easier to stay and be abused. GO AHEAD, throw your life away, cause I don't give a damn anymore. [leaves room]
[mutters] I screwed up, I'm sorry.
[enters back in quickly] Now that you've apologized, we can work on your self esteem, I'll talk to George about you staying, nighty night. [closes door again]
Where's Carmen? I want to talk to her.
I told her to stay in the living room until Marisol's gone.
Listen, I'm sorry, this was all my fault.
Nice try but you're not getting anything out of me.
George, it's not a trick, it's my fault, you can agree with me.
So we're never helping anyone out ever again?
If someone's on the side of the road and they're dying, what do we do?
And if somebody leaves a baby on the doorstep?
Wait until nightfall and let the coyotes get it!
[laughs] That's my girl. Well in about 10 minutes, This will all be over once Marisol's out of the house.
You don't even know what I was gonna say! I got an idea.
Hey, so who are they firing? If it's Crazy Carlos, I'm not coming in tomorrow because he's a shooter.
They're not firing anybody. They're making four people team leaders and one of 'em is Ernie.
Ernie? Well, he can't lead a fly to dog poop!
[after Max and Ricky burned down the garage]
[to Benny] What the hell were you thinking? How many times have I told you that this isn't putting out a cigarette?
It wasn't me. I flick it to the neighbor's yard like decent people.
[to Carmen] What the hell were you thinking?
You snuck out of the house, you got a hicky, you smoked a cigarette, you are one hard lemonade away from arson.
I knew it. [to Carmen] What did you do to make your brother burn the garage down?
Ricky gave me a bottle rocket, and I shot it off, but I didn't know it would land on the garage. I'm really sorry, Dad.
Sorry doesn't cut it. You can say goodbye to your allowance for the next year.
No, I don't want to hear it. Max, you destroyed the garage. [realizes] Oh, man, my golf clubs! No, I put them in the car. No, I put them in the garage to clean them! No, I put them back. I don't remember!
Come on you guys, let's just try to forget about the money and have some breakfast. How about some scrambled eggs, we'll call my dad for a loan and maybe some french toast?
No, I'm not taking money from your dad.
Okay, okay. Then how about some waffles, please just swallow your pride, and maybe some orange juice?
Angie, your dad's been here for a month, how long is he gonna stay?
We can't kick him out while he's getting over the divorce, he's staying here as long as he needs to. End of discussion.
(to Angie) Hey, now I know what you've been knitting, a to-go bag for my son's huevos.
Carmen? (looks at her) Oh yeah... I've seen you in the cafeteria, nice to meet you.
That's how you treat your girlfriend?
Girlfriend? Yeah right. (walks off with his friends)
...I'm going home! (runs off)
Follow her and make sure she's alright, I'll deal with Jason. (gets out of the car) It's bad enough to ignore my daughter but I thought we had something. "What's up, man?" I don't think so. Yo, Breakfast Club!
What happened out there? Why did you pretend not to know my daughter?
Mr. Lopez, I really like Carmen. Come on, you gotta believe me. I know I must have looked bad out there.
Bad? Jason, you humiliated her!
But I didn't want to, it's just that...Okay look. Carmen's new at Allendale right, and my friends, we already have our own group. I honestly intended on taking her out but... you know...who she is and who I am-
Come on, man, get to the point.
We really can't be seen together in public.
Look, my daughter deserves respect, and since you can't give it to her, you're not allowed to see her again, you understand me?
Maybe you should leave that up to Carmen.
You know, man, I knew cool guys like you in high school. You know what happened to them? They peaked at 17 and the rest of their lives were all downhll from there, so go ahead homeboy, protect your big reputation while you can. I'd hate to see you're gonna be 5 years from now.
I have an early admission to Stanford.
You couldn't get into any schools around here, could you? Alright, what about 10 years from now, fool?
I hope to open a charitable organization to assist people in wheelchairs.
Tired of driving your brother around huh? Selfish, you disgust me.
(knocks on Carmen's door) Carmen, I wanna talk to you.
Go away, I already told Mom I don't want to talk about it.
(opens door) What did you say to him?
Don't worry, I told him it was over and he couldn't see you again.
I'm helping you! You know what he said to me? He said he couldn't be seen with you because you're not one of the popular girls.
He was trying to protect me. Jason is super popular. If the popular girls found out we were dating, they'd be really mean to me. So when other people were around, we"d pretend not to know each other. He didn't want me to get hurt.
Oh, well, thank God there's a logical explanation, I mean I thought you were being used. You're right, he is sweet.
You just don't understand.
Carmen, this kid doesn't care about you, he's embarrassed to be seen with you! Where's your self respect?
Yes. (reaches for the phone)
Carmen, NO. (snatches phone away) Listen. Your mother was a lot more popular than me but she took me everywhere. No matter how ashamed she was.
I'm gonna see Jason again.
Where? He won't be seen with you in public, Carmen, and he's not coming here.
(puts on headphones)
(under his breath) Man, sometimes you're dumber than the dog. (leaves room)
(turns around) ...Love you.
