Angie Lopez quotes from George Lopez

George

[after learning about Max's kidney issues] Angie, what was I thinking? My dad died of kidney disease. Max has my bad genes.

Angie

He's got both our genes, George.

George

Well, look. If he unexpectedly dies from soft hair and long eyelashes, then it'll be your fault. This one's on me.

Carmen

Oh, so I can't go to a simple party on the lake, but the second you leave the room, Max and his girlfriend can make out like monkeys?

Angie

They were making out?

Carmen

Oh, did I say that out loud? I get gossipy when I'm oppressed.

Angie

[to Veronica] Get down here now, you ungrateful tramp! [Carmen comes downstairs instead of Veronica]

Carmen

What?

George

We know what you did. We want to hear it from your mouth.

Angie

[about Veronica] That's it. That was the last straw. I can't take it anymore. I want her out of this house!

Carmen

God, it was just a scratch, I'll pay for it. What do you want from me!?

George

[to Angie] How can you trust Ray after all he's done to your family?

Angie

Because I try to find the good in people.

George

That's a really annoying habit.

[about George] Angie, he cheated me. I should have won. I had the highest numbers.

Angie

Is that true? Did she have the highest numbers?

George

Look, she's been cheating on her time card for years.

What does that have to do with this contest? I did the work.

Angie

Well, whoever did the most work should win. I mean, George, you have to be a man of your word.

George

Why? She's never been a man of her word.

George

A Cambodian kid?!

Angie

NO! I might be pregnant.

George

What? Oh, hell no. HELL NO! You better hope Brad and Angelina want another Mexican boy for their collection because I'm not raising another one!

Angie

It was. But I saw how excited George was that I didn't have the heart to tell him.

Vic

So, what are you gonna do nine months from now? Wrap a basketball in a blanket and say "Look, he's got your head?"

Angie

George, I need to talk to you.

George

No one talks in the George Lopez media room except Clint Eastwood and those guys begging not to be killed by Clint Eastwood.

George

[to Veronica when Mike calls her again] Every time you talk to him, you're just encouraging him. You gotta get inside the stalker's mind. I knew this guy who was so in love with this woman. He followed her to work, left notes on her car, camped out at her house. I finally had to say, "Look, if you don't knock this off, Ernie, you're gonna go to jail!"

Angie

That was a really uncomfortable summer for me.

Angie

I wish they were unresolved. Do you know what I said when I was on the phone with her last week? I told her I never forgave her for cheating on my dad. I called her a selfish tramp. That is the last thing I ever said to my mother.

George

Oh, I'm sorry, Angie. I didn't know that.

George

How many times has Carmen said she hated you?

Angie

Forty-seven.

George

You counted?

Angie

Yeah, it hurt.

George

Of all those times, did you ever feel that she stopped loving you?

Angie

No.

Angie

George! I just finished the letter and I put it on official stationary. I signed it N.W.A.

George

Ice Cube and Dr. Dre's old group? You're sending this to a racist?

Angie

Not *that* N.W.A! The Neighborhood Watch Assocoation!

Angie

(after taking the bat from George) You're just gonna get hurt. You've got the reflexes of a drunk grandma!

You got anything else to say about drunk grandmas? (Angie doesn't say anything) I didn't think so.