George Lopez quotes from George Lopez

George

I think Ernie needs to know before he shows up in the delivery room and there's four other guys there with camcorders.

George

Angie, when we first got married, I thought to myself that I don't deserve you. Now, after eighteen amazing years, I know that I don't. I'm the luckiest guy in the world, Angie and I love you. And if you would just stop trying to go golfing with me and realize that it's my time away from you, we would have the perfect marriage.

George

Look, Angie is the most important thing in my life and I'm not going to let some rich, good-looking dude make a move on her. God, I drove her to this. You know, last night, she was wearing the avocado mask and rollers. She had a little leg stubble. I should've just pictured Salma Hayek and went for it.

George

That might've been funny on Halloween, but it was Easter.

George

Look, that was an accident! But at least I can keep a man in my bed. That's right. When Ernie gets up to go to the bathroom, he comes back!

George

These aren't implants. The cast of "Lost" is trying to find their way off the right one. The left one is hosting the Winter Olympics.

George

[to Max when he starts having a crush on Veronica] Max, she's your first cousin and you have dyslexia. If you have kids with her, your mom and I will have to pay a dollar to visit our grandkids at the carnival.

George

[to Veronica] Tomorrow, I want you to dress more appropriate. I don't want you distracting the guys working with dangerous machines. Alberto's down to seven fingers. He can barely tie his shoes.

George

A stressed out bride is nothing. At the factory, I work with ex-cons, substance abusers and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom, there's other people like that there too.

George

Six hours. Would've been done faster, but every five minutes or so, I have to look down at my pants to remind myself I'm still a man.

George

What are you going to do, raise me again?

George

[to Benny] You never taught me anything. You just punished me. I wasn't "Hooked on Phonics." I was hooked to a radiator.

George

Angie, we'll deal with your screwed-up family later. Right now, we need to get to the jail for my mom's birthday party.

George

Just a little at the end. (reading his speech for court) "I don't think my mom should go to jail for an old robbery when her real crime... is giving away her only son! I HATE HER, I HATE HER SO MUCH! Thank you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury."

George

[in Cuban accent] Welcome to fantasy island.