I'm having a poker game tonight with some of my old cryogenics lab coworkers. Would any of you like to join?
I don't know. I only gamble with chumps.
I'll play.
I'm in!
S2How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back
Morgan made me walk the Professor. There we were in the park when suddenly some old lady says I stole her purse. I chucked the Professor at her but she kept coming, so I had to hit her with this purse I found. The point is, it's Morgan's fault; that pencil-pushing scazwag! Why, if she were here, I'd...uh-oh. Is she behind me?
No. I'm in front of you. [Bender shrieks]
Sweet something of... someplace.
Dammit, Hermes, just jump already! Stop hogging that healthy liver.
You can't just waltz into the Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been, but a friend of mine went completely mad trying to find the washroom there.
Then we'll need a guide, someone who's been there before.
Oh, I've been there. Lots of times. [laughs maniacally]
[Spoken] Requisition me a beat!
[Number 1.0 plays some music]
[Singing]
When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town,
With a foot and a half of water,
Everyone was alright but I cried all night,
It blew my alphabet blocks out of order,
And they said, "This boy's born to be a bureaucrat,
Born to be all obsessive and snotty,"
I made my friends and relations file long applications,
To get into my 10th birthday party.
But something changed when my man turned pro.
I was sortin' but I wasn't smilin'.
He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks.
It's supposed to be about the filing! People!
We didn't choose to be bureaucrats,
No, that's what almighty Jah made us,
We treat people like swine,
And make 'em stand in line,
Even if nobody paid us!
They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats,
They say we're anal, compulsive and weird,
But when push comes to shove,
You gotta do what you love,
Even if it's not a good idea.
Zoidberg!
They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon.
They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter.
They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye. [A tube hits her in the eye.]
I am Bender. Please insert girder.
Everybody sing Jamaica! [He limbos under the flying tubes]
AAll
Jamaica!
Just the bureaucrats, Jamaica!
BBureaucrats
Jamaica!
The grade 19's!
Jamaica.
[Hermes starts a conga line with the bureaucrats]
Sing me home!
When push comes to shove,
You gotta do what you love,
Even if it's not a good idea!
[He picks up a red tube, takes Bender's disk out of it and throws it into Bender's head. Bender's personality resurfaces]
I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!
[last lines]
Now it's time for my song! [singing]
When I was two, there was a tidal wave in...
[cuts off by end credits]
Oh.
S2The Deep South
Hey, Fry, check out my laser-guided fishing rod.
Quiet, Bender. You're scaring away the fish!
Fine, I'll head over to the other side.
Exciting news, people! The pet licence I requisitioned for Nibbler has arrived!
Hermes, that's sweet. I didn't know you cared about Nibbler.
Dream on, woman! I'd like to put the little bastard in a sack and toss the sack in a river, and hurl the river into space, but I do like filling out requisitions, and these were some doozies!
Ah the exact center of the Atlantic Ocean, this seems the logical place for fish to congregate.
So we're in international waters?
Indeed so.
[on walkie-talkie] Falcon this is Blue Raven, the goose has nested, repeat, the goose has nested.
[A speed boat pulls up and the driver and Bender exchange briefcases. Then the boat drives away.]
Hey, guess what you're accessories to.
[Fry is presented with an egg-sized pill which will allow him to withstand the pressure underwater.]
I can't swallow that.
Well, then good news! It's a suppository.
Let's hope some robot doesn't kill everybody.
[Whilst underwater]
Nooo! My home, it burnt down! How did this happen?
That's a very good question...
Ah, so that's where I left my cigar!
...That just raises further questions!!
[Bender and Fry talk about the size of a fish they used to caught]
You're both out of your league, boys. Because right now, you're looking at a girl who owns her own harpoon.
Harpoon my ass. [snickers]
Okay. [Throws harpoon into Bender's rear end]
My Manwich!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.