Rebecca Donaldson-Katsopolis quotes from Full House

Jesse

She's having... a hot dog!

Rebecca

No!

Jesse

Well, what? It's clearly a bun with a weenie sticking out with a happy face.

Rebecca

No, Jess. It's not "She's having a hot dog", it's "She's having a baby", and the "she" is me! I'm having a baby!!

Jesse

Michelle, what are you doing up?

I didn't get to say good night to Big Bird.

Rebecca

Big Bird?

Jesse

That's our baby.

Rebecca

You named our baby "Big Bird"?

Jesse

Yeah, just until we find out if it is a girl or a boy or a nine-foot yellow Muppet.

Rebecca

Jess, we're having twins! Oh, honey!

Jesse

Twins? I just wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl.

Jesse

This is my one shot at a record deal.

But you're my partner in the balloon race.

Jesse

Well, get another partner.

But you promised.

Jesse

Michelle, I can't.

But you promised.

Jesse

Michelle, I have to write my song.

But you promised!

Jesse

Well, then I'm gonna break my promise! I'm not going to the stupid picnic! So leave me alone! [walks out]

Rebecca

Jess...

Uncle Jesse yelled at me.

Danny

Oh, Michelle, I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it. Come on, we're still gonna have fun at the family picnic.

Uncle Jesse's not nice anymore.

Something stinks!

Rebecca

Well, we're in the woods, honey. It's probably a skunk.

I know that smell. Kimmy, put your shoes back on.

Jesse

Hermes was not only the Greek God of Swiftness, but it's also my great-grandfather's name. I'll have you know, he saved the whole town from destruction when he raced a river of lava down a mountain barefoot. All right? He went to tell the whole town a volcano erupted. 'Course, no one was left in the town, 'cause who could miss a volcano erupting? But the point I'm tryin' to make here is the name Hermes is equated with strength, courage, and very hot feet. So now, who among you will make fun of a name so bold and so courageous as Hermes? Huh?!

Rebecca

I'm sorry, honey.

D.J.

We didn't realize the name meant so much to you.

Jesse

Good.

Did you want me to call you Uncle Hermes?

Jesse

[scoffs] No. What am I? Some kinda geek?

Is there something you'd like to say to me?

Jesse

Michelle, we said Happy Birthday to you at breakfast and everywhere else we say you today.

But I'm 5 years old. This is a very big day.

Happy Birthday, Michelle.

Don't say it if you don't mean it.

Happy Birthday, Michelle!

Why, thank you.

Rebecca

Oh, honey. I'm so glad you made it on time.

Jesse

In time for what?

Rebecca

The birth of our babies.

Jesse

Oh, that's right. You're having my baby. [sings] What a lovely way of saying how much you love me!

Rebecca

Jess, just hold my hand.

Jesse

Won't your husband Donny be jealous?

Rebecca

Jess, you're my husband.

Jesse

I got a wife and a baby in the same day. Radical!

Jesse

Everybody, we have to be a little sensitive to Becky's feelings. The doctor said she's gonna be a little emotional over the next few days.

Rebecca

It's not my fault. The doctor said it's very common for new mothers to have mood swings. [pauses] Why are you all staring at me?

Rebecca

Oh, well, thank you for listening.

Danny

Was that a mood swing?

Jesse

6.2.

Rebecca

We're only gonna be gone 2-3 hours.

Jesse

That's what Gilligan said.

Rebecca

[about the twins] What if they do something cute? What if they learn to talk?

Jesse

I'll have them call you.

Rebecca

Jess, I make more than enough money to support this family.

Jesse

Yeah? Thanks for reminding me.

Rebecca

What, you have a problem with me making a decent living?

Jesse

No, I have a problem with me not making a decent living.

Rebecca

Oh, I get it. This is all about you and your macho pride.

Jesse

What pride? I don't have any pride! I'm gonna go get some pride. Say good-bye to "Mr. Donaldson!" [leaves the house]

Danny

Hey, have you guys seen Michelle? She's not in her room.

Jesse

What do you mean she's not in her room? She's grounded.

Danny

Yeah, I checked the whole house. I don't know where she is.

Rebecca

She's gotta be around here somewhere.

Jesse

I'll check the front.

Danny

I'll check the backyard.

Jesse

Michelle!

Danny

Michelle!

Jesse

Michelle!

Danny

Hello? Oh, thank God. Yeah, okay. We'll-we'll be-we'll be right over. Thanks, Henry.

Jesse

Well?

Danny

Michelle went down the street to Teddy's house. She ran away from home.

Jesse

What?

Rebecca

What? Why would she do that?

Jesse

Well, she was mad at me. She called me Uncle Tattletale.

Danny

Well, I'm gonna see to it she never runs away again.

Rebecca

What are you gonna do?

Danny

First I'm gonna hug her, then I'm gonna kiss her, then I'm gonna ground her for life.

Jesse

Whoa, whoa, hold it, tall man. I got a better idea.

Danny

What?

Jesse

Let's do what my dad did to me when I ran away. I guarantee she'll never do it again.

Jesse

[about the twins] Come on, Becky, don't you think you're babying them a little bit?

Rebecca

Well, Jess, they are babies.