D.J. Tanner quotes from Full House

Danny

Michelle, you have to know no matter how old you get, you're always gonna be my little princess. Just like Stephanie's always gonna be my little lady bug. And D.J.'s always gonna be my little tennis ball head.

D.J.

Anybody wanna trade?

D.J.

Okay, we're going to the movies. Put on your coats and act adorable.

I cannot leave this house. Dad said.

D.J.

Well, Dad's not here. I'm in charge. That makes me Dad.

Stephanie

Until the real Dad comes back and makes you grounded.

Does this mean no "Little Sea Lion"?

D.J.

No "Little Sea Lion."

That's the second time I missed them today.

Danny

Am I the raddest, baddest dad a kid ever had?

DJ

You were until you said that.

Kimmy

Where's Tommy Page? Tell him his love slave is ready to fulfill his every wish.

Danny

D.J., why did you tell Kimmy?

D.J.

Because I tell Kimmy everything.

Danny

Okay, then tell her to go home.

D.J.

You know what I just realized? I am sitting here talking to my little sister about boys and relationships. Steph, you're really growing up.

Stephanie

I must be, because ever since I turned 10, life got so complicated.

Stephanie

Kimmy, you're so dumb you don't even know how dumb you are.

Kimmy

You're the one who's dumb. Capital D-U-M!

D.J.

Kimmy, there's a "B".

Kimmy

Where?!

D.J.

Dad, I have to learn to drive with music, like a normal person.

Danny

I don't want you driving like a normal person. I want you driving like me.

Danny

D.J., you can't keep giving us the silent treatment.

D.J.

Okay, you wanna talk? Fine. I am totally humiliated! When this gets out at school, I'll never be asked out again! But that's what you wanted, isn't it? [storms upstairs]

Jesse

I think we were doing better with the silent treatment.

Kimmy

Please, Deej. I can't conjugate any more Spanish. It's after midnight. Can't we go to sleep?

D.J.

En Espanol.

Kimmy

El sleepo, beggo, pleaso.

D.J.

Stephanie, your ears are infected.

Stephanie

Michelle. Ow. You promised you wouldn't tell.

I promise I wouldn't tell Dad. Does this look like Dad?

D.J.

Stephanie, did you pierce them at the mall after Dad told you no?

Stephanie

Of course not. I'm not that stupid.

She let Kimmy do it.

D.J.

What?! You let Kimmy punch a hole in your body? Why don't you just fall into a rusty nail? Stephanie, you have to tell Dad. He needs to take you to a doctor.

Stephanie

Oh no!

That's okay. If you don't yell, you get a lollipop. If you yell a lot, you get two.

D.J.

Stephanie, she's just a little kid.

Stephanie

Yeah, and Chucky was just a doll.

Steve

Hey, Mr. Tanner, look at this. Little Ruth Bell went in to get her first library card. Some goon nabbed her bike. Says here she lost her zest for reading.

Danny

She's zestless?

D.J.

Yeah. [shows a mediocre sketch of Jesse on another flier] And look at this guy who took Davey Schultz's bike. He looks exactly like Uncle...

Danny

Uncle Seymour! Yes. That looks exactly like Uncle Seymour. And if he weren't a priest in Athens, he would be a suspect. Yes, he would.

Jesse

It's like a...a bad dream or something.

Rebecca

I know. [hugs Jesse] I know. [sniffles] But you know, at least Papouli died peacefully in his sleep, you know?

Danny

We know how much he meant to you, Jess. He meant a lot to us too.

D.J.

We're all gonna miss him. [Rebecca comforts D.J.]

Jesse

[sighs] It's just... [stands up] so helpless, it's like...if I could have been there, I would have done something, you know I could've helped him...I could

Rebecca

[interrupts] Jess, honey...honey, honey...[hugs Jesse] there was nothing that you could do. There was nothing any of us could do.

Jesse

[sighs] You're right. [walks back to the table] He was just such a beautiful man. Just so full of love and life. Now he's gone.

Stephanie

Uncle Jesse, you okay?

Jesse

[wipes his tears] Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. [stands up] You know, I, I don't have time for this. I got so many things to do, make the arrangements...

D.J.

Well, if you want help...

Joey

Yeah Jess, we, we can take care of all that.

Jesse

You know what, it's my responsibility. Just...I'm sorry guys, I'll...I'll...I'll take it from here. [goes upstairs]

D.J.

Why won't Uncle Jesse let us help him?

Rebecca

Aw honey, it's just his way of dealing with the pain, you know? By keeping busy. [Michelle enters the house]

Hi everybody!

Danny

Hi Michelle. [kisses Michelle]

Hi Daddy.

Danny

How was your honeybee meeting?

It was great! [shows her school project] I made this for Papouli. Where is he? [Stephanie tearfully looks at Joey, and Joey looks somber as the Tanner family must deliver Michelle the sad news]

Danny

Michelle, Papouli's not here. [Michelle looks at Joey, Stephanie, D.J. and Rebecca who are visibly emotional]

Rebecca

[comforting D.J., who is crying] It's okay.

Something's wrong. [Danny sadly nods]

Danny

Um, sweetheart, this is um, this is not easy to say to you. Um, this morning, after you went to school, we uh, went to wake up Papouli. Michelle, he died in his sleep last night.

What?

Danny

He was, he was just, he was very old, and his heart gave out.

No, he's not dead! [throws her school project to the floor and runs upstairs, visibly upset. Danny follows her as Rebecca and Joey respectively comfort D.J. and Stephanie]

D.J.

Dad, I'm 17, a senior in high school. You can't tell me who to date.

Danny

I'm not telling you who to date, I'm telling you who not to date.